OG里的两篇....

nobody1112

issue
Nowadays, increasing attention is put onsuch issue as what is the efficient way to promote a person's character. Somepeople argue that the best way to teach is to praise positive actions andignore negative ones. In my part, I admit that this idea has its merits,however, in certain conditions, this practicemight bring about unfavorable consequences.

First off, praising would be regarded as apositive feedback to certain actions, which might promote the development of aperson's behaviors. Consider those little kids, almost every expert ineducation agrees that praise is a preferred method helping shape a kid'sbehaviors. Once being praised, a kid feels that he will get their parents orteachers' love due to a certain right behavior, such as sharing a piece of cakewith his friends, and then he will continue to do so. Likewise, if a workergets praise from his boss because his diligence,he will be encouraged to work harder in the future day.

However, the negative impact ofover-praising cannot be ignored completely. For example, there is a trend thatparents and grandparents become more and more spoiling their children. No matterwhat these children do, they always smile with them, saying "goodjob". It seems on the surface, parents care much more about theirchildren. In fact, it does harm to little kids. These little boys and girlsmight live under the illusion that their behaviors are perfect or that they aresuperior than anyone. Once they encounter failure, even small, they mightalready lose the ability to bear it.

In some cases, even negative evaluation hasits favorable aspects. Though small mistakes should be ignored in thatotherwise, one might easily lose his heart andgive up, it doesn't mean our lives need not criticism. Negative assessmentsometimes serves as a propeller of theperfection of our life. A basketball player growsup to be excellent under the scolding of hiscoach. An artist makes big progress driving bythe criticism of his audiences. All of these show usthat no one is able to achieve his goal without suffering criticism.

In sum, the statement correctly lays stress on the importance of praise. On the otherhand, it underestimates the equally significance of negative feedbacks. Onlyreceiving both praise and abuse, can one be shapedinto a truly great achiever.



Argument
In this argument, Dr. Karp asserts that Dr.Field's conclusion concerning child-rearing tradition in Tertia was wrong basedon the fact that by using different research methods, the author and his teamdrawn a totally different conclusion from that of Dr. Field. At first glance,this argument seems plausible somehow. Close scrutiny, however, reveals that lackingseveral crucial evidences, it is hard for me to be convinced by Dr. Karp'sassertion.


To begin with, to evaluate the reliabilityof this essay, we should be informed that whether children of Tertia are reallyreared by their biological parents. The author fails to provide othercompelling evidences apart from his own research to illustrate this key issue.If children there are in fact raised by an entire village, all of what theauthor claims is invalid.


Besides, even if it is true that childrenthere are truly fed by their biological parents, the argument still hasproblems. For example, the author are supposed to present detailed evidence toshow that the tradition of child-rearing has remained unchanged during the lasttwo decades. It is entire possible that twenty year ago, children there werereared by all families in the village, while some factors changed suchtradition and nowadays children are raised by their biological parents. Withoutgiving cogent evidences to preclude this possibility, I cannot accept author'sclaim that what Dr.Field has done was totally unconvincing.

Last but not least, even if all of theseworries mentioned above are settled, the author still need to show evidencesconcerning methods he and his team using. Drawing a right conclusionunnecessarily implies that there is no problem with the interview-centeredmethod they using. Did these researchers talk to children with some inducing topics, leading themto talk more about their parents, such as "what about your family?"or "What do you think of your father's job?" If so, we cannot surethat the right conclusion should be attributed to the so-called effectivemethod or just luck. Besides, the author omits to provide evidences to showthat such method will works well when applyingto other areas.

In sum, this argument seems reasonable atfirst glance. In fact, to be more compelling, the author should add morespecific evidences to support that his research is valid,such as something about conclusion on the same issue drawn by otherauthorities, detailed information about his methods and the tradition cultureof Tertia.


麻烦指出重大缺陷(最影响评分的地方)....最好还有补救的方法...
拜谢了!

普渡哥

Issue结构，first off, however,显得逻辑有点奇怪

普渡哥

argument第一句有语法问题

nobody1112

Issue结构，first off, however,显得逻辑有点奇怪

-- by 会员 普渡哥 (2012/4/4 20:40:44)

那就不要first off 了,那除了这个以外,整个结构还有啥不妥的?...其他的,还有啥值得说一说的不?

竹林中人

嗯，粗看并无太大问题，你的内容和结构还是不错的，也许需要提高的就是语言上的吧

nobody1112

嗯，粗看并无太大问题，你的内容和结构还是不错的，也许需要提高的就是语言上的吧

-- by 会员 竹林中人 (2012/4/4 22:51:52)

那只能看临场发挥了...估计没什么戏了...


我想你要是仔细看,肯定一堆毛病...

竹林中人

细说下吧，第一篇，字数393，关于你对于表扬的论述，我觉得有必要加入被表扬的孩子对表扬的不同反应，比如有些人是完美主义者，表扬会让他们更加努力，而有些人容易自满骄傲，受到了表扬就停滞不前。这样也许会更充分点。如果能说个把具体的例子也许更好。
第二篇，你的首段写的不够充分，最好能概括出题目中结论和它的依据，而不是笼而统之的抽象为一句话。
中间段落的内容安排，我觉得最好的结构是开头一句指出文章的某个依据，并指出这个依据跟题目的结论之间为什么不能建立必然之联系，最后指出其他的合理性。这样很合乎情理，argu别人的观点，首先说说别人的依据是什么，并说出依据是怎么不合理，按照这样的依据，是否能有其他的结论等等

nobody1112

细说下吧，第一篇，字数393，关于你对于表扬的论述，我觉得有必要加入被表扬的孩子对表扬的不同反应，比如有些人是完美主义者，表扬会让他们更加努力，而有些人容易自满骄傲，受到了表扬就停滞不前。这样也许会更充分点。如果能说个把具体的例子也许更好。
第二篇，你的首段写的不够充分，最好能概括出题目中结论和它的依据，而不是笼而统之的抽象为一句话。
中间段落的内容安排，我觉得最好的结构是开头一句指出文章的某个依据，并指出这个依据跟题目的结论之间为什么不能建立必然之联系，最后指出其他的合理性。这样很合乎情理，argu别人的观点，首先说说别人的依据是什么，并说出依据是怎么不合理，按照这样的依据，是否能有其他的结论等等

-- by 会员 竹林中人 (2012/4/6 11:32:32)

嗯嗯,很受用,谢谢竹林!