第一篇argument献给CD了，Argument 5 求猛拍 往死里拍

WillDream

While it may be true that the town councilof Balmer Island
ought to limit the renting ofmopeds in order to reduce the accidents involving mopeds and pedestrians, theauthor doesn’t provide a cogent analysis based on adequate evidences as well asappropriate analogy. It is comprehensible town residents are willing to have asafer island, but this argument is rife with precarious holes and assumptions,and thus, not strong enough to lead to the limitation.
Citing the fact that the population ofBalmer Island, where mopeds serve as a popular form of transportation,increases to 100000 during the summer, the author simply assume that it is thewidely usage of moped that cause those accidents. However, several otherfactors can also bring about them, such as lack of traffic regulations, specialroads for moped riders and so on. The usage, or the number, of mopeds may notbe the main reason for such accidents happening on pedestrians, however theauger just arbitrarily equates the correlation with the cause-and effectrelationship.
Even if it is the popularity of mopeds thatresulting in accidents, we may still doubt the effectiveness of the limitationto reduce the everyday renting from 50 to 25.Because it is not clear that howmany mopeds are exactly daily used and how many accidents happening topedestrians are related to mopeds. As we don’t know the accurate number, we mayguess there are hundreds of mopeds being daily used but only 10 relatedaccidents happen.
In addition, the author fails to considerthe consequences probably brought by the limitation. Perhaps the negative sidewill far outweigh the predicted safety. For instance, the limitation may causeadverse impact on residents who regard the moped as a significant vehicle fordaily use. Moreover, it will also bring inconvenience to tourists to travelaround this island, which may cause further damage on the tourist industry. Forthat matter, a complete analysis of the situation is recommended.
Last but not least, the analogy drawsbetween Balmer and Seaville is highly suspect, since deeper differences betweenthem may outweigh the surface similarities. Consider the fact that Seaville maysuffer from more moped-related accidents than its neighbor. Or perhapsresidents there have more alternatives for the limitation such as public transportationand bicycles which can transfer the pressure for safety record from mopeds.Thus it is unwarranted to presume the likewise effectiveness would once againemerge in Balmer.

In summary, the argument bases its conclusion,in favor of the enforcement of limitation, on doubtful assumptions, inadequateevidences and false analogy. In order to become more persuasive, the authorshould provide more details-probably from a systematic survey or somerespective interviews targeting at residents-to substantiate the conclusion.After all, the safety of the island is always welcomed.(464 word)

普渡哥

作者的英文水平不错。

普渡哥

While it may be true that the town councilof Balmer Island
ought to limit the renting ofmopeds in order to reduce the accidents involving mopeds and pedestrians, theauthor doesn’t provide a cogent analysis based on adequate evidences as well asappropriate analogy.

第一句话有逻辑问题

普渡哥

加个however就make more sense.

WillDream

While it may be true that the town councilof Balmer Island
ought to limit the renting ofmopeds in order to reduce the accidents involving mopeds and pedestrians, theauthor doesn’t provide a cogent analysis based on adequate evidences as well asappropriate analogy.

第一句话有逻辑问题

-- by 会员 普渡哥 (2012/3/31 23:43:20)

我这样改怎么样
While it may be true that town council of Balmer Island ought to limit the renting of mopeds in order to reduce the accidents involving mopeds and pedestrians, the author doesn't  provide a cogent analysis for this enforcement, lacking adequate  evidences and appropriate analogy.
PS 首句这样写好不好，会不会有点太长了T。T