【写作小分队】music作文贴，714 ～～～

sherilynchi

很流畅的一篇文章。。也是个小清新的妹纸。。。硬要挑刺的话，一是我文中标注的，二是缺少高级表达和长句。
3月3日Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.

Have you ever been addicted to American movies or TV plalys Have you ever find your tempers get worse and worse after enjoying the voilent movies and TV programs?Have you ever find yourself spending days too fast just because of wathing movies and television ?Or have you unconsciously find you have to wear glasses just because you watch TV everyday? If so ,you might deeply stand on my side that movies and television are playing a relatively negetive role in our daily life.

To begin with,the increasing rate of criminals among the young people have( has) support the view that movies and television are conducting the behaviors of the young .Statistics have revealed that more than half of the young criminals they do things such as rob or rape Just because they are imitating the superstars in the movies or they learn such behaviors form TV(表达太繁琐，我感脚可以直接说 just because they are imitating……who rob or rape  blablabla).Therefore,it is obvious that  violent movies and TV plays are mentally endagering the young people.

Additionally ,watching too much movies and TV will surely take up too much time for other things .Take my college roomate for example,he was once crazy about the Japanese cartoons.The first thing he came back from school would always be turning on the computers,and keep his bodies unmoved by staring at the cartoons all the time.Unfortunatly after he finished the last episode of Japanese cartoon,he also get a average 50 scroes out of 100 in his finnal examination. Therefore,it is unwise for one take up too much on movies and TV.
Get a very bad grade (therefore的太快了，可以再点明看动画占用了他学习的时间或者上课的时候也在看之类，上面一段也是therefore的太快，逻辑意思还没表达完整）

Finally,you might be surprised when we find more and more childred wear glasses at a very young age.（题目问的是对行为的影响，这个论点MS擦边？还是我狭隘了？）I would like to attribute much of this phenomenon to movies and TV. Obviously,It's bad for our eyes if when stare at one thing too much time.We should take rest for the sakes of our eyes,but TV and movie lovers never care about this truth.

To sum up,if you are not a good manager of yourself ,you might endanger yourself by movies and TV（endanger?可以这么说咩？）. So why not be a little wise and put some of your Movie or TV time to other more siginificant things?（我不得不说一句，这个反问的好娇俏哟 呵呵）

jiaosisisisi

很流畅的一篇文章。。也是个小清新的妹纸。。。硬要挑刺的话，一是我文中标注的，二是缺少高级表达和长句。
3月3日Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave.

Have you ever been addicted to American movies or TV plalys Have you ever find your tempers get worse and worse after enjoying the voilent movies and TV programs?Have you ever find yourself spending days too fast just because of wathing movies and television ?Or have you unconsciously find you have to wear glasses just because you watch TV everyday? If so ,you might deeply stand on my side that movies and television are playing a relatively negetive role in our daily life.

To begin with,the increasing rate of criminals among the young people have( has) support the view that movies and television are conducting the behaviors of the young .Statistics have revealed that more than half of the young criminals they do things such as rob or rape Just because they are imitating the superstars in the movies or they learn such behaviors form TV(表达太繁琐，我感脚可以直接说 just because they are imitating……who rob or rape  blablabla).Therefore,it is obvious that  violent movies and TV plays are mentally endagering the young people.

Additionally ,watching too much movies and TV will surely take up too much time for other things .Take my college roomate for example,he was once crazy about the Japanese cartoons.The first thing he came back from school would always be turning on the computers,and keep his bodies unmoved by staring at the cartoons all the time.Unfortunatly after he finished the last episode of Japanese cartoon,he also get a average 50 scroes out of 100 in his finnal examination. Therefore,it is unwise for one take up too much on movies and TV.
Get a very bad grade (therefore的太快了，可以再点明看动画占用了他学习的时间或者上课的时候也在看之类，上面一段也是therefore的太快，逻辑意思还没表达完整）

Finally,you might be surprised when we find more and more childred wear glasses at a very young age.（题目问的是对行为的影响，这个论点MS擦边？还是我狭隘了？）I would like to attribute much of this phenomenon to movies and TV. Obviously,It's bad for our eyes if when stare at one thing too much time.We should take rest for the sakes of our eyes,but TV and movie lovers never care about this truth.

To sum up,if you are not a good manager of yourself ,you might endanger yourself by movies and TV（endanger?可以这么说咩？）. So why not be a little wise and put some of your Movie or TV time to other more siginificant things?（我不得不说一句，这个反问的好娇俏哟 呵呵）

-- by 会员 sherilynchi (2012/3/4 11:12:18)

我的确太过于追求structure了，内容性的东西少太多了。
戴眼镜的这个论点，的确属于我跑调了 ！
多谢指点，而且我复杂句的确没怎么show off，太平凡了。。。。

jiaosisisisi

3yue7ri  独立！！！！！
几天不写，写了50mins啊啊啊啊啊啊啊。。。。。。。。。。
我还考试不考试了啊 .324伤不起~！~~~
Have you ever before found that some of your friends can adapt themselves very quickly to a new environment,while others totally lack this kind of ability?Or have you find that your friends who lack this kind of ability have already suffered too much from this weakness？ If so，you might deeply reach an agreement with me that adapting to a new environment is the most significant ability, not to mention excellent knowledge for a job.

To begin with ,the basic hypothesis for people to exert their outstanding talent for a job is that they are given the opportunities to work. However if they lack the ability to adjust themselves to the new environment ,they will probably lose the precious chance .For example,I have a friend who went to a famous military school after high school graduation. As one of his best friends ,I admired him so much because he was supposed to become a military officer ,which symbolized high social status and wealth ,as long as he got graduation successfully. However,he dropped out two months later ,later made a phone call to me explaining that he just could't get used to the military life.Obviously, we can safely get the conclusion that the ability to adaptto a new environment plays an indispensable role in our life

Adittionally, people will find themselves less competitive if they are weak catering to new environment.The world is changing at a substantial rate,slower reactions always equals failures.For example ,I have two friends Jack and Saikon who once were empolyed in the same company.Before they became the formal empolyees in the company,the managers ordered them to work in several the departments of the company ,each position for one month,in order to observe their comprehensive skills and help make the final decision.Jack could manage him well and get quickly used to each position in a couple of days,While Saikon totally fell behind,he would have to spend several weeks to adjust himself to the new enviroment.Finally Jack was lucky enough to promote the be the assistant of the manager ,Unfortunately,Saikon was fired

To conclude ,there is no doubt that excellent knowledge for a job is of vital importance,but the premise is that you can manage to adujust yourself to the new environment . If not ,in some extent, you might not be able to approach the job at all

jiaosisisisi

3 7 综合  
The lecturer casts doubt on the reading material's statement that genetic modified trees can bring a number of benefits.She deems that it's totally exaggerated and planting more genetically modified trees  will even result in many problems

To begin with ,the author views that genetic modified trees can survive easier than the unmodified ones ,but the lecturer holds an opposing view that though genetically modified trees have the ability to resist certain kind of desease,but this singal ability also means that they will wholly die out if they are confronted with the kind of disease that endanger them.

Additionally,the author claims that genetic trees will bring people much more economic benefits for those who grow them.However the lecturer completely contradicts this claim by stating that there is too much hidden cost within genetically modified trees.Firstly,the cost of the special seeds will exceed that of the normal ones.Also,according to laws, each time people grow modified trees ,they have to pay for the seeds company .therefore the cost of planting these special trees will lagely rise.

Thefinal point on which the author and the lecturer disagree with each other is that whether genetically modified trees can prevent overexploitation of wild tress.The author argue that these special trees can grow faster and better satisfy wood needs,then relieve the burdon of normal trees.While the lecture debates that genetic trees often grow more aggressively,which will cause more damage to the unmodified trees.they are located among the normal trees and will absorb crazily more nutritions than the unmodified trees.Even they will help kill out the
Normal trees beside them.

All these informations point to modified trees will not necessarily bring much benefits,and may be the other way around.

jasonliu119

The lecturer casts doubt on the reading material's statement that genetic modified trees can bring a number of benefits.She deems that it's totally exaggerated and planting more genetically modified trees  will even result in many problems

To begin with ,the author views that genetic modified trees can survive easier than the unmodified ones ,but the lecturer holds an opposing view that though genetically modified trees have the ability to resist certain kind(可数名词，单数加a，复数加s) of desease,but this singal ability also means that they will wholly die out if they are confronted with the kind of disease that endanger them.（这里貌似漏了个climate change 吧？漏点了貌似比较严重的哦 亲）

Additionally,the author claims that genetic（加上modified吧，） trees will bring people much more economic benefits for those who grow them.However the lecturer completely contradicts this claim by stating that there is too much hidden cost （there+cost的架构貌似我没见过啊，觉得怪怪的）within genetically modified trees.Firstly,the cost of the special seeds will exceed that of the normal ones.Also,according to laws, each time people grow modified trees ,they have to pay for the seeds company .therefore the cost of planting these special trees will lagely rise.

Thefinal point on which the author and the lecturer disagree with each other is that whether genetically modified trees can prevent overexploitation of wild tress.The author argue that these special trees can grow faster and better satisfy wood needs,then relieve the burdon of normal trees.While the lecture debates that genetic trees often grow more aggressively,which will cause more damage to the unmodified trees.they are located among the normal trees and will absorb crazily more nutritions than the unmodified trees.Even they will help kill out the
Normal trees beside them.总体还是不错的！不过就是希望有些表达要斟酌一下吧，加油！by Jason

All these informations point to modified trees will not necessarily bring much benefits,and may be the other way around.

jiaosisisisi

thanks so much for your revise 、jasonliu119!

jiaosisisisi

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

jiaosisisisi

416

miss绿光

哈哈，我说谁是music呀~结果在标题里找到你了^^
我明天上午上课~然后就给你改~
要是你时间紧也没关系，你写好了我就改哈~

jiaosisisisi

4月16日110821 NADo you agree or disagree with the following statement? There is never a reason to be rude (impolite) to another person.
观点：不能粗鲁
粗鲁不好，会造成无法弥补的遗憾。
Eg.  两个关系非常要好的朋友吵架，一方没有控制好情绪，粗鲁了一把，他们之间的关系再也没法回到以前了。
粗鲁不好，解决不了问题，反而使得矛盾升级。
Eg,本来是一个小问题，可以私下解决的，但是却非要闹，都不妥协让步，最后造成了大祸。

综上所述，不能粗鲁，因为首先，粗鲁造成遗憾。其次粗鲁解决不了问题，反而使得事情更糟！
Have you ever found yourself been regreted after you shouted to others impolitely?
Or have you found that rudeness can always make things even worse and worse.
If so,you might profoundly reach an agreement with me that under no circumstances
should people be impolite to another person and I would like to share my viewpoints
as follows.

To begin with, rudeness will lead to people's regrets that would never  make up for.T
his is because people always make an excessively wrong decision when they are on fire
with someone else.Actually,they might have not enough time to think carefully over what's
in their mind.For example, I and andrea were once very good friends ,but one day we
got quarrels with each other for a very tiny misunderstanding ,The problem was that I
never imagined that he should shout at me with extremely disgusting words .After that,
I felt utterly heart broken and realised that our friendship had ended at that moment he
behaved so rudely.Though later Andrea recognised that it was his fault and apologized
sincerely to me ,our friendship has been not too far away from collapse.

Additionally,rudeness is not the way to solve problems.On the contrary,it will generally
carry things towards the even worse situations. For example, in a couple of days ago
I was deeply shocked by the news from XiaGuanYing University.It reported that two students
quarreled with each other for the seats in the library, and they both claimed that the
seats were first occupied by themselves.No one seemed to compromise to each other.
Soon, the small issue upgraded into a bloody fight,the final result was that the weak boy
crazily killed the strong but arrogant boy with knife. How thought provoking!
Therefore,never be impolite if we hope to solve the problems.In fact,rudeness will only
trigger more problems rather than offer help.

In conclusion,even under the worst situations,people are not supposed to behave rudely
to another person because impoliteness has the same meaning of regret.What is more,
rudeness will always make the result more and more worse.

文章结构分析。
文章采取总分总的形式
structure
第一段总说，粗鲁会造成Bad1，会造成bad2，所以，啊～～～不能粗鲁。、
第二段，细说为什么会造成BAD1，而且举例子说明，最后总结，啊～～～的确粗鲁会造成BAD1
第三段，细说为什么会造成BAD2，而且举例子说明，最后总结，啊～～～的确粗鲁会造成BAD2
第四段来“圆第一段的谎”，啊，第一段说得太对了，就是不能粗鲁，因为BAD1,BAD2.