Dear Beijinglaochen, I have compassion for you, as I went through a quite similar process with you. I think you are getting to the key when you mentioned "meaning" in your life. MBA is not a must in our lives, meaning is. When we find the meaning in our lives, an MBA starts to be meaningful to us. Take a break, at this very moment. Suppose you will no longer apply for an MBA in this life, then, look into your heart and see what is most important to you. When you find that very meaning in your life, you will find either an MBA is an important part revolving around that meaning in your life; or, an MBA may not be a necessary part. Frankly, for one moment, I had wished to end up my MBA application, as I thought the preparation experience has already been an educational part for me. But when I finally work out a way to have the other parts in my life harmonically coexist with my MBA, I resumed the procedure.