Argument 25 求拍

lwx27

25) The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.
A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment.
Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

In this argument, the author claimed that a jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise in order to apply for a small-business loan. Although the argument sounds reasonable and the author's plan appears alluring at first glance, it is fraught with flaws and holes. As described below, the argument suffers from several critical flaws and is therefore unpersuasive. To strengthen his argument, the author must provide more evidence.

Firstly, the author stated that the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away to support his claim that the proposed new jazz club in Monroe would have the local market all to itself. However, no evidence was given to substantiate that the proposed new jazz club would be fetching enough to attract the customers of old jazz club. After all, jazz fans would not mind driving 65 miles for an attractive jazz club rather than a new boring one. The author seems fail to convince me that the new jazz club is more fetching than is the old one, and thus cannot prove that customers would prefer to the new jazz club though it is nearer. In sum, without information about the new club, the author’s claim that the proposed new jazz club would have the local market all to itself is week.

Then, the author provided information claiming that jazz is extremely popular in Monroe. However, the reasoning is not strong enough to lend support to his claim. Over 100,000 people attending Monroe's annual jazz festival support nothing. No evidence provided to indicate that all people, or most people at least were from Monroe. If people attending Monroe's annual jazz festival were mostly from other areas rather than Monroe, the author fails to convince me that jazz is popular in Monroe. Moreover, the fact that several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe does not necessarily follows that jazz is popular in Monroe. Perhaps other than those well-known jazz musicians, few people in Monroe are interested in jazz musicians. Furthermore, there is a chance that most rated radio program in Monroe is stupid, while the so called highest-rated radio program 'Jazz Nightly,' is acceptable at best. In this case, people in Monroe may just not detest jazz rather than like it. In sum, unless author provides more evidence, the author fails to convince me the popularity of jazz in Monroe.

Finally, citing a nationwide study which indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment, the author suggested that the proposed new jazz club would be profitable. However, the author fails to take in account other factors that make a jazz club profitable, such as well management and advertisement. No evidence was given to substantiate that the typical jazz fan spends much money on jazz entertainment contributes to high profit of the proposed new jazz club. Moreover, a nationwide study does not necessarily truly represent the situation of Monroe. The data may vary in different areas. Perhaps the general prices in Monroe are lower than nationwide, which suggests that few people are willing to spend $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment, nationwide average level, in Monroe.

In summarily, although the proposed new jazz club in Monroe maybe profitable in reality, the author fail to convince me that point due to the flaws in his argument. To bolster it, the author must offer more evidence.

第一次限时写，限时45min，结果烂成球了！！
唉，稍微改了下发上来征求意见。感觉句子结构什么的比较卡壳，拼写错误也多。文章基本结构有，但是不太会展开写。
难道要开始背模板？

竹林中人

整体结构还是很清晰的。
另外有一点可以补充的，就是这个镇上没有一个Jazz Club，而最近的Club也在65miles away，是不是也可以说明镇上的人其实并不喜欢Jazz，如果喜欢的话早就有了。关于语言方面，我还提不出什么建设性的意见
模板，没必要背，或者说你已经记了模板，考场的时候也要做些改变

gemyang

结构很清楚，结尾可以多一点。开头可以把逻辑错误简单说下，不然人家都看出是完全的模板。

KnightBM

楼主的ARGUMENT攻击是按照题目叙述顺序攻击的，这样子不容易miss题目里的谬误点，但可能结构上就不太有一种逻辑非常缜密的感觉，个人建议楼主可以学习下让步式的批驳法，我看到楼主试图使用了，不过让步法不是简单的moreover~通过对题目作者得出论点的内在逻辑顺序分析可以让你对作者的逻辑清晰起来，这样子批驳的时候思路也会更清晰。（均为个人陋见欢迎指正~）附上了张雷东老师提供的这道题目的提纲
1.    If the demand for a live jazz club in Monroe were as great as the applicant claims, it seems that Monroe would already have one or more such clubs. (negative evidence) ★★★
2.    The popularity of Monroe's annual jazz festival and of its nightly jazz radio show does not necessarily indicate that jazz is extremely popular in Monroe. (NCR) ★★★★
3.    Granted that jazz is extremely popular in Monroe, we cannot ensure that those jazz fans will attend the jazz club. (U.A) ★★★
4.    The mere fact that several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe lend no significant support to the applicant's claim. (I.E) ★★★
5.    The result of the nationwide study could not ensure that Monroe residents are willing to spend much money on jazz entertainment. (C.S) ★★★★
6.    The arguer also does not inform us how much of the $1000 goes to club admission. (V.D) ★★★
7.    The scale of Monroe’s jazz market, and the profitability of the proposed club are open to doubt. (I.I) ★★★★
针对模版，总结出适合自己的模版我认为才是最重要的。