帮我看一下作文吧

futuremba

写的第一篇T作文, 请多提意见。特别欢迎批评。

Topic: Some people like to eat at home and prepare food for themselves, others like to eat outside in restaurants or foodstands.  Which way of eating do you prefer? Give specific reasons and examples to illustrate your answer.

Although many friends of mine deem cooking arduous and are fond of  having meal in restaurants quite often, in my point of view, I believe that making food for myself brings me a lot of fun. Compared with eating out, I insist that the food cooked  at home is the most delicious and nutritious.  Believe it or not, cooking is one of the most effective methods to relax ( relieve of stress). Besides, learning how to cook well is a job related to both art and management.

First, the food we cook ourselves is the most delicious and nutritious. No one on the world knows better than us ourselves what our favorite tastes are. We can design how the food tastes and looks like, and the rest job to do is taking time to make them into true. And next time, if we are not satisfied with the previous recipe, we can change here or there to make it better. We need not to give up our favor to meet that of chief.  Most restaurants put much oil and salt, too much of either of which is not good to health.  

Next, cooking is one of the best methods to relieve of stress. After a whole day’s busy work and study, we feel mentally exthausted. Cooking effectively helps move focus and get relief. Imagining the colorful food, we can’t wait to cook, and immediately forget  something bothering us a minute ago. Especially when our family enjoy and praise the food we cooked so much, at that moment we will feel it’s priceless.

Cook is a kind of synthetic science related to both art and administration management. To stimulate appetite, food is required for good looking as well as good taste. To make the food’s appearance attractive, we need to raise a little bit of sense of art. There are thousands of choice of flavors and raw materials and our money is limited. There are soup, meat, vegetable and dessert to be prepared and our time is not endless. How can we purchase the best one with the least money, and how can we make dishes of food in the shortest time. Cost control and management of plan as a whole can help to resolve these problems.  

I admit that a variety of restaurants have various style of food and it’s worthy of trying to eat out occasionally. In terms of eating the most often, I prefer to prepare food myself.     

enjoylife517

建议看看有关作文的帖。

觉得理由想的不错，也能展开，只要框架抓得好，能写出好文章

先说结构，尽量还是按一定的框架来写

1开头，2、3 支持理由，4支持理由或让步的写法（admittedly），5结尾

第二，开头和结尾，开头把自己要写的理由都写上了，显得头比较重，然后结尾却是不长，显得脚轻。建议开头改写了题目以后，简单做一些讨论，再说些客套的话，就可以了。结尾是把文章各段表达的意思总结一下，并略提一下建议。

文章中有些语法问题。

First, the food we cook BY ourselves is the most delicious and nutritious. No one ELSE IN the world knows what ARE our favorite tastes better than ourselves . We can design how the food tastes and looks like, and the rest to do is TO TAKE time to make them. And if we are not satisfied with the previous recipe, we can make it better BY changing materials. We DO NOT NEED to give up our favor to mADJUST TO that of THE chief.  Most restaurants put IN DISHES TOO much oil and salt  , which ARE not good to health.  

自己再看看。有很多口语化的地方，改一改

futuremba

衷心感谢enjoylife517不辞辛苦帮忙指正。

很久没写了，自己也不知道是个什么样了。

继续努力中。

guobonnie

好象有些词也用得不错嘛！支持！

enjoylife517

谢谢PP MM的详细批注。。

futuremba

南瓜说的是哦。不好意思，好久没上班了，就在家做饭了。也忘了累得回家做不动饭的滋味了。谢谢你的尽心点评。也感谢guobonnie mm的鼓励. :-)

We can design how the food tastes and looks like, and the rest job to do is taking time to make them into true.这句话也有点涩, 特别是这个desigh.....偶不知道怎么说更合适。。。。

我现在改成：We can decide what the food tastes and looks like as we hope。 这句想说可以随心所欲地做自己想象的食物。

futuremba

哇，精彩，exert用得好，说到点子上了。赶紧抄下。