ZZ 高盛人on炫富必杀／损人高招

tobemoon

虽然Ibanker的自大。。但确实挺好笑的。。。

還在給你女朋友買Tiffany馬？你老臉往那裡擱。

#1: Swinging by Tiffany's to buy a gift. #2 (looks cynically): Why don't you get her something nice?

高盛女

Skirt#1: I have a Birkin bag, but I think it's totally inappropriate for client meetings.

自知

#1: Dude, you can't call someone Corky.

评论占领华尔街运动

99% Gift Ideas: 5 greatest toys of all time... 1) A Stick 2) Cardboard box 3) String 4) Cardboard tube 5) Dirt.

仇富多不好阿亲

#1: A protester sees my Benz, and wants to rip me out of it. A real man sees my car, and wants to work hard so he can buy it one day.

飞公务仓都丢脸

#1: Being spotted in economy class must be like having your parents visit you at boarding school in a shitty rental car.



拉丝位轧死？

#1: Retards who post Facebook photos from a (Vegas) hotel suite are basically saying, 'this is as good as I think my life will ever get.'



等媳妇熬成婆吧

#1: The difference between petting and hitting a dog is it's tolerance for pain. Same goes for 1st year analysts.

#1: I always ask analyst candidates what their favorite movie is. It's hard not to judge somebody if their favorite movie sucks.



评论英国人的彩色袜子

#1: Most Brits aren't gay, but their socks are.



评论贫富差距

#1: Walking around the protesters outside makes me feel like how a black guy must feel in the gym shower



贷款念书的小盆友，too simple

#1: They shouldn't blame me personally. I'm not the one who told them student loans were an investment



霸气侧漏

[HK] #1: What most people would call the greatest night of their lives, I call just another Friday. #2: Or a Wednesday.



如果你是作家，你用的假借。如果你是学生，你写的是错别字。

#1: Since he's rich, we call him 'eccentric.' If he was poor, he'd just be 'crazy.'



去沃儿马的穷人们是有多肥

#1: I'm making the over/under on Walmart Black Friday deaths at 5. #2: That's about 4000 pounds of dead people.



记得带上pepper spray

#1: Black Friday is the Special Olympics of capitalism.



这年头用黑卡算什么

#1: With your Visa card, you can win Super Bowl tickets for life. #2: With my Amex, I can buy Super Bowl tickets for life.



什么？你穿同一件衣服两次以上？

#1: I wear a brand new pair of socks every day. That's probably my only indulgence. That, and watches... And wine.



从不自己做饭

[classic] #1: I would use reusable grocery bags, but I just don't fucking care. #2: I haven't been to a grocery store in about 5 years.



你还在买 挨骂是 么？

#1: Hermes ties are like Jordan's for white people.



霸气的拉动内需

#1: Last night, I brought new meaning to the term 'stimulus package.'



高盛人on男女关系／男权主意

不要相信有iphone上锁的高帅富。

#1: If I were single and always sober, I wouldn't need to password lock my iPhone.



谁比Summers更歧视女性？

#1: Getting rich isn't that hard. Any hot girl with questionable morals can do it.



Gay-dar

#1: How'd you get your nails like that? Shiny, but not too shiny. #2: I get them buffed twice. And no enamel, too over-the-top for a guy.



高盛人的理想型

#1 (on the long term potential of new girlfriend): Good school. Good family. Good genes. Probably breeding material.



把妹绝杀

1: Spent last night pouring champagne, feeding her dessert, and telling stories of my trip to Bhutan. I've never been to Bhutan.



果然是受过高等教育的

#1: Knowing that you don't understand women is understanding women. #2: Thanks Socrates.



你们和黑霉结婚好拉

#1: My favorite part of dinner with my fiancé is when she goes to the bathroom and I can check my Blackberry.



人生的境界是茫

#1: Sober girls are the worst. So are really drunk ones... The sweet spot is 4 white wines and a Zanny.



姐躺着中弹了

#1: Whenever I see an interracial couple, I always think to myself "Hey, there's an interracial couple."



小秘！

#1: Magazines dedicate entire issues to 'Women in Business.' #2: How much can you write about secretaries?



评论亚洲妹子

#1: The age of consent laws should be different for Asian chicks. Sometimes, I cant tell if they're 14 or 40.



你愿意坐在宝马里哭灭系列

#1: I don't care how into the environment she says she is.  No chick wants to be picked up in a Chevy Volt.

1: My professor at Wharton always said, 'you can marry more money in 5 minutes than you can make in a lifetime, even at Goldman Sachs.'



乳神系列

#1: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, you have boobs.

#1: Girls with huge boobs will never know if they're really interesting.



你好，我叫Ibanker

Skirt #1: I can always tell a banker within the first 2 minutes of meeting him in a bar... because he tells me.



炮友朋友傻傻分不清楚

#1: Don't confuse friends, work friends, and friends of convenience.



Kim阿Kim阿系列

[classic] #1: I don't want to go to this meeting. I'd rather watch the Kardashians play Scrabble. #2: Actually, that sounds awesome.

[classic] #1: If Robert Kardashian hadn't gotten OJ off, eventually one of his daughters would have.



高盛人on政治时事／经济生活

评论股市系列

#1: This market is tough to read. #2: It's like seeing a normal-looking guy with some fat chick. Just makes no fucking sense.

如果你在康州长大，读过顶尖私校，然后去了长青藤，不要在你的演讲里面提及你代表普通人民。

#1 (Apparently from Texas): Fuck you. George Bush is from fucking Connecticut, went to Andover, and was a cheerleader at Yale.



99％系列

#1: They need to wake the fuck up. They have clean water, food, shelter, and personal freedoms. America's 99% are the 1% of the world.

#1: Still not bad enough for people to Occupy Detroit.

#1: I would join them, but I have to occupy this job so I can go home and occupy my wife.

#1: If Occupy Wall Street had happened 15 or 20 years ago, Obama would've been right out there with them, 'organizing.'

#1: Occupy Wall Street is no more than a really elaborate Planned Parenthood publicity stunt.

#1: if you have a job where you have to wear a nametag, nobody gives a shit what your name is.

#1: It says a lot about the 99% when my doorman is in the 1%. #2: Along with the bathroom attendant at '21' Club.

#1: 1% of the private sector are millionaires, but 50% of congress is? #2: Yup. Those idiots are protesting the wrong crooks.


评论感恩节pepper spray事件

1: Looks like the 99% has plenty of money for carts full of shit they don't need from Best Buy. 2: And NOW they're cool with pepper spray.



评论欧洲危机系列

[classic] #1: The Euro is dead. They're just bickering over who pays for the funeral.

#1: It's a make-or-break week for Europe. #2: They say that every week...The EU has more rescue plans than Obama has vacation days.

#1: I heard the Euro was spotted at DisneyWorld wearing a Make-A-Wish T-shirt.

#1: People who are in position to, or smart enough to solve the European debt crisis don't have the time to debate it on Facebook.

#1: The Euro better fucking collapse. I have a 10-day Amalfi honeymoon to pay for next summer.



评论意大利总理

#1: Berlusconi’s been ostracized into a life of luxury & banging teenage whores. #2: Could be worse.



周大福

#1: The Chow Tai Fook orderbook is the who's who of Asian oligarchs. #2: 'Oligarchs' is one of my favorite euphemisms.



评论共和党辩论系列

#1: Herman Cain got more ass than Bill Clinton.  #2: Barney Frank got more than both combined.

#1: Rick Perry is Borat's best disguise yet.



多好的比喻

#1: If it weren't for Asians, Americans wouldn't look so fat. #2: Dude, New Yorkers make Americans look fat.



评论阿拉伯和俄罗斯的高帅富

#1: I'm long GBP against the Euro. RAVs will always flock to the UK, now more than ever.



高盛人on人生哲理

#1: A guy came up to me at the gym and asked me what event I was training so hard for. Life, motherfucker.

#1: There's no such thing as a hopeless situation, just hopeless people in situations.

＃1：Popularity in your teens, status in your 20s, money in your 30s, time in your 40s. Family every step of the way。

#1: If you can only be good at one thing, be good at lying… Because if you're good at lying, you're good at everything.

#1: Life is short. #2: It's the longest thing I'll ever do.

#1: Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can’t tell anyone about.