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[作文互改] 求批改,argument84

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发表于 2011-12-8 21:00:14 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式
The following is a letter to the editor of an environmental
magazine.\n”+
“In 1975 a wildlife census found that there were seven species of
amphibians in Xanadu National Park, with abundant numbers of each
species. However, in 2002 only four species of amphibians were observed
in the park, and the numbers of each species were drastically reduced.
There has been a substantial decline in the numbers of amphibians
worldwide, and global pollution of water and air is clearly implicated.
The decline of amphibians in Xanadu National Park, however, almost
certainly has a different cause: in 1975, trout—which are known to eat
amphibian eggs—were introduced into the park.\n”+
“Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed
to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or
strengthen the argument.”;




In this letter, the editor concludes that the decline of the amphibians was caused by the introduction of trout into the park’s waters. To support his conclusion, the editor cites the number of the amphibians species from 1975 to the year 2001.At first glance, the argument appears to be somewhat reasonable, Actually, further reflection tells me that the argument has a myriad of assumptions and hole.

First and foremost, the author presumptuously assumes that the trout is the main factor which leads to the decrease of the amphibians species and the numbers, but the editor fails to inform us some other information to support his conclusion. It is highly possible that there are more kinds of amphibians in this park, just the study group did not see them, the editor unfairly assume that not observing equals to not exist, the editor also fails to take into the possibility that the study only observed for few days which can not represent the real condition, it perhaps that some other kinds of amphibians indeed live in this park.

In addition, even the species decreased from the year 1974 to the year 2001, we cannot conclude that it is the trout ,not others ,that contributing to the decline of the amphibians’ number. It is perhaps the case that in this period of time, the amphibians committed a deadly disease that gives rise to the shrink of the numbers of amphibians, there is also likely that the climate of this area have changed a lot during this period of time, such as the huge increase of the temperature, the plants in this area have decreased for the modernization utilities, and there is also the case that the water of this area has been polluted .ifthere are a lot of mining factories on the bank of this river which across the park, it is perhaps that when the animal drank the polluted the water, they died.

Moreover, the author commits a fallacy called “hastily generalization”, even if the species decreased in number, the author cannot assume that the trout is the main reason for the decease of the amphibians of this park. It is highly possible the case that most of the amphibians have been transmitted to other areas or other parks, but the editor does not provide any information about this, if the amphibians has been transmitted to other places and have lived for a good lives, the author cannot claim that it is the trout that makes brings about the decline of the species.

In conclusion, this argument actually has several flaws as discussed above, to make this argument more convincing , the author would have to take into every possible consideration account and provide more information to evaluate this claim.
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沙发
发表于 2011-12-8 23:21:09 | 只看该作者
顶下,明早上再看看,晚上没时间了
板凳
发表于 2011-12-9 11:29:30 | 只看该作者
我仔细看了Argument的要求,感觉跟以前的要求有点不一样。Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed
to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument(新的)与Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument(旧的),通过给出的材料,我感觉以前的材料很细,有很多条可以质疑,但新的Argument材料信息有限,他只是给了一条质疑的点,是不是新的Argument是要求我们找到更多的证据(只能自己想,而之前旧G那么多条有很好的提示作用)来佐证材料的观点,如果没有这些证据就怎么怎么样。
PS:你这篇A结构还不错,三个论证段比较均衡。语言感觉也很精炼
地板
发表于 2011-12-9 20:31:13 | 只看该作者
写得很好,抓住了要点,语言很好。very good!
5#
发表于 2011-12-9 20:31:24 | 只看该作者
功底扎实。文章结构基本上是稳的,3.5-4分的样子!
考场上保持这样的状态就很好!
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