I130，最后两周，求拍求建议~

大剑Jade

Issue
新G题号：130
题目：Some people believe that corporations have a responsibility to promote the well-being of the societies and environments in which they operate. Others believe that the only responsibility of corporations, provided they operate within the law, is to make as much money as possible.
写作要求：Write a response in which you discuss which view more closely aligns with your own position and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should address both of the views presented.


With more and more large companies coming into being nowadays, there seems to be a situation where a titanic company could compete with a small country. Thus it arouses two diverse opinions concerning the corporations’ developments. One opinion is that corporations bear a burden to improve the well-being of the societies and environments in which they operate, whereas others opine that corporations need to focus only on making as much as money as possible. While both opinions hold plausible in certain aspects, the former opinion might be more practical than the latter one.
Admittedly, there’s no denying that corporations should maintain themselves by making sufficient money. Without money corporations could achieve any goal, let alone one pertaining to being beneficial to others. The money help corporations go through all sorts of challenges, and represent the statuses which indicates the abilities of leaders of these corporations. Thus, not only could corporations lose anything but money, but all they are aiming for is financial booming as well. For example, Steve Jobs has saved the Apple with a method of developing new devises time and again, and just because these devises the Apple has made a sum of money, let alone Steve has earned money and fame along with it as well. In this case, we could see that neither Steve nor the Apple could even survive without the “financial aids” from all over the world. Similar to the Apple, when we look at the whole world, we could also find that the largest and greatest corporations are almost solely determined by the amount of money they make.
However, making money is never the only responsibility of corporations. In the past, when the ability of production was not so developed compared to now, corporations might concentrate merely on their own interests, since the detrimental impacts they made were much smaller than today. But partly because of globalization, the influences of corporations are becoming more and more ubiquitous as well as gargantuan. It’s easy for a company to meet a whole country’s demand for now, thereby responsibilities must be taken in case of overwhelming powers of corporations, and in order to build a more thriving society. For instance, leaders of large corporations could play a salient role of education—take account of Steve Jobs again, his famous speech at Stanford is well-known all over the world, and his famous quote ”stay hungry, stay foolish” has been able to galvanize a great many young people to pursue their dreams and ambitions. They are just like paragons, who could set the models for others to emulate. And the final result could be beneficial to the leaders themselves, in that young people goaded by them could be so competitive that they might constitute a new generation of elites in those corporations, leading a new era of inventions and innovations.
In retrospect, corporations should never narrow their scope to only aspects of finance. The larger a company becomes, the more responsibility it bears. This is equivalent to the famous aphorism: More powerful you are, more responsible you are. Though it seems an albatross around the leader’s neck to direct his company toward making a better ambience around it upon impending financial problems, the responsibility ought to be at least considered day and night, and born into the leader’s skin.
551words,31min

ppguo

1. 什么叫：'the former opinion might be more practical than the latter one."? 说起来第二个更实际呢。你直接说你更同意第一个观点就好了嘛。
2. 你没有提到题目中说的环境。
3. 你喜欢乔布斯，这没什么可说的。可是这个人心里真的只有赚钱，没有想做啥公益事业。（这个是个人观点）

我还想到两点可以发挥的。1. 一个公司赚了钱才能提供更多的工作机会，给员工更好的待遇，这也是对社会的一种贡献。2. 公司不能只顾及自己的利益，要顾及整个社会的利益。这里可以说公司要回报社会，做一些公益事业，公司不能唯利是图，要保护环境，否则不可能有长期的效益。例子有煤矿开采，原油泄漏等等。

ppguo

还有，乔布斯去演讲，大部分可能是别人掏钱请他的，跟公益事业无关。

大剑Jade

嗯嗯~~你的意见都很中肯而且trenchant啊！~1.那个确实是我2了~~后来看了看确实不如直接写同意Former得了。。。
2.这篇又有些跑题，环境确实没有提到，后来想提也来不及了。。现在这个跑题问题挺严重。。纠结中。。
3.呃，其实我不是很喜欢他啊，我只是觉得乔布斯最近比较火，他的例子可能比较新鲜。文中我的写法其实是贬低苹果，认为该公司一心只想赚钱。。不过他的演讲确实很有名，也很有指导意义，他这个确实品行不端啊，据我了解。
所以我在文中提到的是一个方面，用了For example来说明在教育方面企业可以做什么，而其他的方面还有很多，如经济，甚至是政治，我就略去了~
不过貌似这样写看不出来啊？

大剑Jade

不过，斯坦福那个演讲应该不是花钱的吧？这个我还真不知道，不过觉得去大学做毕业演讲应该是公益的吧，因为被邀请了本身就是对价值的肯定。

普渡哥

教育方面没有问题的，但是环境一定要提。
你现在只需要淡定就好了，不用每天写太多。中间休息一两天也挺好。还有就是，如果你拍拍别人写的，会有很多的收获。

大剑Jade

嗯嗯，得看看别人的了~自己写感觉越来越跑偏啊。。有时候状态确实不好

ppguo

告诉你个秘密，拍人是会让状态变好的，哈哈。

大剑Jade

cqcn1991

建议Jade把提纲写出清楚一些发出来……这样看脉络好，直接提意见，不然还得先做篇阅读
现在我看到这篇文章感觉没有说到点子上，1.公司应该赚钱 2.公司应该贡献社会
但是我觉得点在于contradictory，是公司vs环境

说得有点不清楚，我把我自己的思路说一下：
1. 公司不可能只获取利益而不贡献社会
1.1motives, efficiency： 赚钱才能提供公司运转的动力、资源。公司的效率在于赚钱，环保、社会贡献可以交由其他机构负责
1.2但是实际上他们已经做了贡献，both direcly and indirecly，by taxes, and job creation, and possibly, 基础建设（修公路建子弟学校之类）.  
1.3 Some may argue that they 破坏了环境. However, 是当地确定的法律enable them to operates。如果人有意见的话，通过法律去against them就OK了
2.但是，仅仅只遵守法律是不够的
2.1 法律目前不完善，地方势力强大(不满环境政策，会直接抵制公司发展)，法律逐渐严密(为了满足未来的标准逐次提高设备的成本，远大于一次性达标的成本)
2.2 they are not only measured by law, but also by the public. 公众会有同法律不一样的评判标准，消费者抵制企业负面形象
2.3 长远利益，环境保护降低自身风险（例子见下），reputation（良好的公众形象，消费者信赖，竞争优势）

提供几个例子：
BP vs Chevron，都是石油公司：BP急功近利，不顾技术风险的管理，结果Mexican gulf spill了。Chevron 把环保、社会贡献做得极好，得到了当地民众的支持，发展顺利。In fact, 石油的开采是长期过程，投入大量资金的环保措施实际上能大大降低运营风险. BP就是因为这个东西自己搞砸了

几个语言表达不清楚：
遵守法律：operate within the law, 其他的表达方式呢……
基础建设，教育投入，国防建设(动宾表达,比如， build infrastructure, secure the country啥的，但是不知道怎么准确表达
环境破坏：destroy 和damage感觉程度都太大，应该侧重于“影响”，不知道怎么用更适合