再来一篇，求指导...大概几分

xiaojie2010

题目：what‘s your opition on new restaurant built in your neighborhood?
       As the demands of people are increasing rapidly, the tasty food is a symbol of the quality of life covering nearly prosperity and deserted streets. In my community, a local market and several small convenience stores stand selling a variety kinds of food, but no real restaurant. I really appreciate it that a new restaurant is going to be built up in five minutes’ walk.

  Restaurants are patronized more and more frequently due to the higher salary than before. We can make an assumption that my close friends are on a visit to my house, I am so cheerful to have a big meal with them .With a terrible cooking myself , the restaurant nearby is immediately second to none in my mind. In addition, we omitted the time and troubles to prepare the meal busily. Moreover, nothing can be compared to chat about the dominate and anecdotal experience over the past years on the table.

    A new restaurant would stimulate the local economy. If the restaurant is operated to attract multiple of customers every evening, the competitive ones will take on for the promising profits. In this circulation, it would create more jobs for table waiters, manager, chiefs, and at the same time add the raw food, cooking utensils.

          Though the loud noise and the waste air may disturb the quiet atmosphere of our sound sleep, we are hard to measure the benefits from the new restaurant. In a bright moonlight ,we can enjoy an unforgettable time because of not only the feast ,but the cherishable friendship being savored again. The new restaurant really appeals to our neighborhood from my perspective.

xiaojie2010

好久都没人回帖！哎...最起码留个建议，呵呵

thompsontang

还可以，最后一段累赘了，直接点明比较好，我们可以交流一下吧，我的qq：691453766