刚开始练作文，贴一篇大家帮看看，是这个路子不？

optosid

没有修改，有些拼写错误。字数也不够

Argument #12: Microsoft Word - 七宗罪The following appeared as part of a promotional campaign to selladvertising space in the Daily Gazette to grocery stores in the Marston area.“Advertising the reduced price of selected grocery items inthe Daily Gazette will help you increase your sales. Consider the results of astudy conducted last month. Thirty sale items from a store in downtown Marstonwere advertised in the Gazette for four days. Each time one or more of the 30items was purchased, clerks asked whether the shopper had read the ad. Two-thirdsof the 200 shoppers asked answered in the affirmative. Furthermore, more thanhalf the customers who answered in the affirmative spent over $100 at thestore.”
Discuss how well reasoned... etc.
正文


The promotional campaign suggests that in order to increase sales, the stores should advertise the reduced price of selected items in the Daily Gazette. To support this suggestion the campaign used results of a survey study in downtown Marston: two-third of the shopper buying the advertised items gave the affirmative answer that they read the ad. However the reasoning of this argument has several flaws.

This argument made a very sweeping generalization of the survey study. Since this study was conduected in only one store, the results of the study might not be representive to all stores in Mastonarea.  Furthermore the selection of thestore location, downtown Maston might also biase the results of the data. For example, it is possible that customers in downtown Marston are more likely to read the ads posted in the Daily Gazette. The results of the study taken in downtown are more likely to be positive. Therefore due to the sample size and location of the selection, the generalization from one store in downtwon to all stores in Marston area is very assertive.

In addition with the the selection of the store, the selection of customers in the study is also problematic. The study should also have included the customers who didn't buy the advertised products. If the ratio of this group of customers that read the advertisement is higher than the reported ratio, 66% in the othergroup, posting advertisement on the reduced items in Daily Gazette will actually decrease sales. Therefore the selection of customers of the study hinders the validity of the conclusion drawn from the study.

In summary, since the study is problematic in selection of both stores and customers, it doesn't support the suggestion made by the promotional campagin.

larrybird

Just a piece of advice...
1. try to use some standard sentence formats.
2. verb tense
3. improve your topic sentences, try to make them meaningful and concise
4. include recommendations in the conclusion.