我第一次发贴，希望各位大侠帮忙改下作文~

lisan518

the following appeared in a memorandum to the work -group supervisors of the GBS company:
"the coffeecart beverage and food service located in the lobby of our main office building is not earning enough in sales to cover its costs, and so the cart may discontinue opering at gbs. given the low staff marale, and evidenced by the increase in the number of employees leaving the company., the loss of this service could present a problem, especially since the staff morale questionnaire showed widespread dissatisfaction with the snack machines. therefore, supervisors should remind the emplyees in their group to patronize the cart-after all, th was leased for their convenience so that they would not have to walk over to the cafeteria on break."


The author concludes that supervisors in GBS Company should encourage their subordinates to buy their snacks in CoffeeCart in the lobby of main office building. The author reasons that since the cart might go out of business, the staffs have been leaving the company. However, there are three logical flaws displayed in this argument.
First, the author fails to provide the reason why CoffeeCart is not earning enough benefit to cover its costs, without this information, one might doubt that whether staffs in the company do like the food in CoffeeCart or not. If the only reason of CoffeeCart going out of business is that employees in the company do not enjoy the beverage and food service in CoffeeCart, there is no way for the discontinue of CoffeeCart to affect the morale of low staffs.


Second, the author faulty assumes a cause-effect relationship between the discontinue operating of CoffeeCart in GBS building and the low staff morale. The author does not classify the possibility of other factors which could cause the low staff morale. For example, management failure could be the reason of the leaves of staffs.


Third, according to the points made above, the proposal of making supervisors to encourage their subordinates to patronize the cart could not be valid. The passing of this proposal might help the cart continuing its business, but the ultimate problem, the low staff morale, could not be solved.


In conclusion, the author displays an ambiguous causality of discontinue of CoffeeCart and the low staff morale. In order to make his recommendation consistent, the author should provide some evidences to prove the relationship between CoffeeCart going out of business and the dissatisfaction of employees。


谢谢~~~