两篇作文，求指点！

napoleon7424

不是很熟悉GMAT的评分标准，半年之前考过托，作文成绩还可以。这是这次复习过程中第一次写的作文，呃，水平比较low，也不怕丢人了，希望大家指点啊！本人求提高，不介意任何批评，对G作文实在没底呢。

题目：现代社会，科学和技术越来越重要了，因此学校应该花更多的时间教科学和技术，花少的时间教art　and　humanity

Science and technology become more and more important in modern society, thus, many people hold the opinion that schools should spend more time in teaching science and technology than in art and humanity. I strongly disagree with such idea because of following reasons.



First of all, children need a comprehensive cultivation when they grow up. Not only the science courses are important, but also the art and humanity curriculum are critical. Neither of which can be ignored or less valued. Learning science can help children acknowledge better about the world, logically, while learning art and humanity can lift children's sense of aesthetics and duty, philosophically. For example, I have a nephew who is very interested in science courses and never pay attention to the art and humanity class. Once talked with him, I pathetically find that he is totally cold about the society and other people, even his parents, instead he only focus on what he is interested in. Consequently, he has few friends. I worry about his future, since how can he deal with his society relationships and be responsible for his life.



Furthermore, the elites that our society needs are not only in the scientific aspect but also in the art and humanity fields. Many children are born with the talent of music, painting or philosophy. If we reduced the classes of art and humanity meanwhile increased the courses of science, isn't it cruel to these children who are so addicted to art? Probably some of them will become world famous artists some day.



Last but not at least important, art makes our lives colorful. The aim of developing science and technology is to provide people with a higher standard of life, and let them be happier. Science indeed bring great convenience to our life, at the same time, art undoubtedly stimulates us to have full passion to lead a life.



Based on the factors drawn previous, it is clearly that art and humanity is as important as science and technology in children's education. They are both essential parts of our life, together making our life more advanced and wonderful.


这一篇是352字，写完感觉涩涩的，不顺畅，想是许久没写的缘故，估计这篇作文的水平可能只有2、3分吧。

第二篇是GWD2的ARGUMENT
The following appeared in an ad for a book titled How to Write a Screenplay for a Movie.

"Writers who want to succeed should try to write film screenplays rather than books, since the average film tends to make greater profits than does even n best-selling book. It is true that some books are also made into films. However, our nation's film producers are more likely to produce movies based on original screenplays than to produce films based on books, because in recent years the films that have sold the most tickets have usually been based on original ! screenplays;'

Discuss how well reasoned.., etc.



The arguer makes a conclusion that writers who want to succeed should try to write film screenplays rather than books, because average film tends to make greater profits than does even n best-selling book. Another factor is that even though that some books are made into films, our nation's film producers are more likely to produce movies based on original screenplays than to produce films based on books, because in recent years the films that have sold the most tickets have usually been based on original screenplays.



This conclusion is drawn without several factors concerned, whereas it omits some assumptions that such conclusion based on to illustrate.



First of all, one implicit assumption of the argument is that the success that writers gain is estimated by the profits that their pieces make.However, we seriously doubt this method to evaluate the success of writers.


On one hand, can we tell that the ancient writers such as Dickens and Mark Twain are not successful because they wrote books before movies were first produced and couldn't make any profits? Instead, many writers achieved great success and affected profoundly in people's life and belief. For instance, Jane Austin, the authors of many popular novels, such as <Jane Eye> and <ride and Prejudice>, had a lot of fans in not only the old times but also the modern world. Although both of her books mentioned previous had been made into movies and earned great profits today, the fact is that before the movies obtained great interests, the writer herself and her books had already gained significant success. We must clarify that the success that writers can obtain is based on the fame and appreciation that their creations earn rather than the profits that the movies which come from their books make.



On the other hand, as far as I know, many modern writers write for intrinsic value rather than the pursuit of money. Stories come from the fantastic inspirit, which can’t be measured by the motivation of profits. As the reasons that they write are not concentrated on the money, they will not only write screenplays, but various types of articles. And the standard to measure whether they succeed is determined by their satisfaction of themselves.



Furthermore, why our nation's film producers are more likely to produce movies based on original screenplays than to produce films based on books? Besides the fact that in recent years the films that have sold the most tickets have usually been based on original screenplays, there may be other reasons, for example, in recent years, seldom books with great fascinating story came out; instead great screenplays were sprung up. Namely, the creations of short stories are in fashion.



Based on two reasons cited above, I strongly refute the conclusion that the arguer made, unless he or she could make further illustration of the logical relationship between the assumptions and conclusion.



这一篇是482字，是用两次写完的，以前没写过这种argument的文章，完全不知怎么弄。第一次写一半感觉不对劲，看了一些作文指导材料之后，再重修续写了下。

希望大家多多指教啊！万分感谢！

CathyDream89

我是第一次写AI，写了上面第二题，完全在乱写，只写了300多字。觉得内容很干，30分钟内根本想不到什么很好的例子。。。