请牛牛们批改我的AA

水晶调酒师

The following appeared as part of an article in a weekly newsmagazine.


“The country of Sacchar can best solve its current trade deficit problem by lowering the price of sugar, its primary export. Such an action would make Sacchar better able to compete for markets with other sugar-exporting countries. The sale of Sacchar’s sugar abroad would increase, and this increase would substantially reduce Sacchar’s trade deficit.”



Discuss how well reasoned... etc.



In this argument, the author concludes that lowering the price of sugar, its primary export, can solve the current trade deficit problem of Sacchar. The line of the author's reasoning is such an action would make Sacchar have a price advantage when compete with other sugar-exporting countries. Thus the increasing sale of Sacchar's sugar abroad would substantially reduce its trade dificit. At first glance, the author's argument appears to have some merits, but further reflection reveals that it omits some important concerns that need to be addressed to substantiate the argument. A careful examination would review how groundless this conclusion is.

Firstly, the author unfairly assumes that the sale of Sacchar's sugar abroad would increase solely by lowering the price of sugar. While price is a seemingly important element in sales volumn, it is hardly the only required element. This assumption overlooks other crucial criteria. For example, if Sacchar reduces its sugar price by lowering production cost, such as using bad raw materials, other countries would have less confidence in Sacchar's sugar and reduce purchase. Without accounting for some potential factors, the author conclude too hastily that lowering the price of sugar can increase the sale of Sacchar's sugar.

Secondly, even though lowering the price of sugar can increase Sacchar's sugar sale, it does not mean that Sacchar's trade deficit problem can be solved. Trade deficit means that a country's import overweighs its export. On the other word, trade deficit is determined both by import and export. If Sacchar's import remains, then trade dificit can be reduced by increasing export, but if its import also increase, then it depends on detail.

Based on the reasons I listed above, this argument is not persuasive as it stands since the evidence in support of the conclusion does little to prove the conclusion. To render the argument logically acceptable, the author would have to show relations between price reduction and sales increase. In addition, to solidify the conclusion, the author would provide concrete evidence as well to demenstrate that sugar sale increase would substantially reduce Sacchar's trade deficit. Only with more convincing evidence could this argument become more than just an emotional appeal.



个人感觉当中写得相当薄弱，我找了shmilyqiqi的模板，如果错误分析采用它会不会说我抄袭？估计很多人用过这个模板，我只小小的改了点，还是很怕会说抄袭。但让我自己写实在是憋不出字，偶是草脚(╯﹏╰)b
请各位牛人提点提点我中间段该怎么写