请NN们帮忙看看,转不过来了

yklinsmann

11. The following appeared in the editorial section of a local newspaper.

“In the first four years that Montoya has served as mayor of the city of San Perdito, the population has decreased and the unemployment rate has increased. Two businesses have closed for each new business that has opened. Under Varro, who served as mayor for four years before Montoya, the unemployment rate decreased and the population increased. Clearly, the residents of San Perdito would be best served if they voted Montoya out of office and reelected Varro.”

地方性报纸的编者按：
            
在Montoya当San Perdito市长的头4年里，人口下降而失业率上升。每当一个新企业开业，就有两个旧的关门。而在Montoya之前Uarro当市长的4年里，失业率下降人口增长。很明显，San Perdito的居民重新选举Varro而非Montoya会得到更好的服务。

我利用了七宗罪之gratuitous assumption,攒了下面着段,是否可以,自己不太确定啊,有没有不妥之处,请指教:

Secondly, the author falsely states that Montoya’s administration failure depends on gratuitous assumption that the businesses in Santo Perdito have closed for each new business that has opened. However, no evidence is stated in the argument to support this assumption. In fact, this is not necessarily the case. For example, it is more likely that the businesses closed are those merged with other bigger local companies, whose powers have been strengthened and become more competitive. Therefore, this argument is unwarranted without ruling out such possibility.

yklinsmann

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duzikongkong

总的来看，写的不错啊！fallcy抓的很准。不过么。。。。

感觉写得有些不够干脆利索，that the businesses in Santo Perdito have closed for each new business that has opened不一定就代表说经济变差了，在此基础上再说此现象不一定代表admin的政绩差，逻辑上的这个gap最好点透，说的清楚一点。我是读者是这样想，我自己写也是你写成这样的，应该还行。

第一句the author falsely states that Montoya’s administration failure depends on gratuitous assumption that
            the businesses in Santo Perdito have closed for each new business that has opened.    两个that放在这里很怪，不如.....falsely assumes that the failure of the administration is manifested in the fact that........还是用动词assume比较好。

1.However, no evidence is stated in the argument to support this assumption. 2.In fact, this is not necessarily the case. 两句话取其一就行了，讲的是一个意思。