病文一篇，请您挑错，共同提高

firstquarry

Currently, many people support occupying more land to develop agriculture and industry, they prefer to the satisfied life coming along with the progress of agriculture and industry. Although I also hope better life, I am inclined to save land for endangered animals.

  The world is owned not only to human beings but also to animals. As we all creatures in the splendid earth, we are a big family. It is important for human to learn to live with other animals peacefully. We have already utilized a lot of natural resources and destroyed a great deal of environment. Rivers are dammed to generate electricity power, hills are explored to yield fruits, and lands are planted to produce rice. Most of the rivers, hills, and lands had been belonged to animals for millions of years before human began to make use of them. That is to say, it is us, the human beings, who have impelled some animals to leave their own home and evenly die out or be endangered. For instance, In China, southern-China tiger has been extinct and panda is at the edge of depopulation. The reason is that we broke their habitat environment and they cannot be adapted any more. With more and more animals dieing out, we will be lonelier and lonelier. To prevent the situation from being worse, let us to save land for endangered animals right now and strictly.

  With the development of science, we can meet the needs for farmland, housing, and industry in other ways. For example, we are able to improve productivity of farmland and industry to increase output rather than take more land to plant or build new factories, and we can house more people by constructing higher buildings. Accordingly, we have the capability to content people’s needs by advantaged technology.

  In conclusion, we need to save land for endangered animals and we can do it without radically harm human being’s needs. Why won’t we do so?

xingzi410

两个完整的句子中间不能用逗号，这个最基础的了
其他语法错误的地方很多，哎看不下去
特别chinish

建议你先多读一读范文，背一些范文吧

firstquarry

题目：Some people think that human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are more important than saving land for endangered animals. .........

谢谢赐教，我又做了点修改如下：

Last year, one hunter in China claimed that he had met a wild South China tiger and taken many photos. This news shocked all Chinese. And even the authoritative magazine, <Science>, also published this event.

                                                                                                                                                

Why could such a thing attract so many attentions? The reason is that South China tiger hadn’t been found in wild environment for more than ten years. Then, why is this kind of tiger so rare? It is because human's exploitation destroyed its habitat. As this sort of beast cannot adapt well to changing and hostile environment, it disappeared in almost all of the world, except in several zoos of China.

No matter South China tigers, pandas, or other animals, the same as human beings, are creatures on earth. We wouldn’t like any of them extinct, so it is important for us to protect them before they are endangered. Then what should we do? First of all, we should save land for them.

  In addition, with the development of science and technology, we can meet our needs for farmland, housing, and industry without occupying animal's habitat. To give some demonstrations, we are able to improve productivity of farmland and industry to increase output. It is no necessary to take more land to plant in or build new factories on. Likewise, it is feasible to house more people by erecting higher buildings rather than constructing more residential areas.

  In conclusion, we need to save land for endangered animals and we have the ability to do so without occupying animal’s habitat. Why won’t we just do it?

[此贴子已经被作者于2008-8-5 20:46:59编辑过]

firstquarry

请各位出手拍砖

AMC

Last year, one hunter in China claimed that he had met a wild South China tiger and taken many photos. This news shocked all Chinese. And even the authoritative magazine, <Science>, also published this event.

                                                                                                                                                

Why could such a thing attract so many attentions? The reason is that South China tiger hadn’t been found in wild environment for more than ten years. Then, why is this kind of tiger so rare? It is because human's exploitation destroyed its habitat. As this sort of beast cannot adapt well to changing and hostile environment, it disappeared in almost all of the world, except in several zoos of China.

我稍微看了下,红色的地方都是我的觉得不妥的地方, lz的句子中经常会出现两个以上的主语和谓语动词, 就想楼上的mm说的,都是中式英语~~~`lz加油吧