麻烦牛人给改篇作文 6月7考，感激不尽啊

kinte200

我写的   麻烦大家给改改。。。。

85 You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which would you choose
to buy? Give specific reasons to explain your choice.

Speculating that one have plentiful money to purchase either a house or a business,which alternative is better?As well(far) as I concern,to purchase a business would be a more promising choice.There are three conspicuous factors to support my argument as follows.

First thing first,purchasing a business would bring an opportunity to you,an opportunity that might help you gain a large mount of wealth,an opportunity that stimulate all your potiential skills.you could live in an ideal house by running the business which you purchased initially.Just imagining that kind of brilliant live,you swim in your private pool agreeably,taste the palatable meal made by your fidelity servant,enjoy the top-level music played by your gorgeous sound field,by no means can you achieve that kind of live if you choice to purchase a house by speeding the orginal money at first.Furthermore,despite the affluence you might achieve,there is no avenue to accumulate wealth like to run your own business does,it offer you so much satisfaction and pleasure by the business running process which convert your skills,determination,knowledge,abilities to money.

Another reason to be considered that,being an entrepreneur would deter you from forming the harmful habits,indolence,cowardice,over-conservative and so on,which would be probably much easier catched than choosing to be a merely householder. Most crucially,you could erect a strong spirit through the process of managing your business.you would become more confident and have the nerve to face all kinds of adversities,these are quite important qualities,qualities that a successful man should have currently.

Last but not least,choosing to purchase a business would teach us a lot.In order to run business well,not only should we enhance our interpersonal skills,but also improve our knowledge of management
,accouting and marketing.Some one may argue that business is full of nothing but risks,it might bring you affluence,however,it might cause you lose everthing.Although this arguement is kind of convincing,there are some doubts to be listed.We can not deny that business do have risks,but one could avoid the risks by utilizing his skills and knowledge and lead his business to an even more prosperious way,even though one's business fail in an unexpected risk,and he lose all his money,by no means can you judge him a loser or say he losed everthing,in respect that he have already learned quite differrent kinds of knowlegdes,improved himself a lot.By these qualities and experiences he gained,he would live a much more prospective life.Just imagine,the one who choose to purchase a house may not have such a wonderful chance to get so many valuable things.What a catastrophic choice he made in the beginning.

Of course,choosing purchasing a house also have advantages to some extent,for instance,one may live a more peaceful and stable live,but if all these factors are contemplated,the advantages of purchasing a business carries more weight.Taking into account of all the factors which I listed above,we may reah the conclusion that it is sagacious to choose purchasing a business when you have enough money.

kittyv

我也后天考...
可我还一篇都没写..

其实我觉得LZ要先改改语法错误哦~~

johnnyr104

发现我个别词汇不认识，诶，我还是抓紧时间背我的单词去好了。

kinte200

大哥，我要是自己能改出来就不麻烦大家了啊。。。。。急啊。。。。

yolanda223

Speculating that one have plentiful money to purchase either a house or a business,which alternative is better?As well(far) as I concern,to purchase a business would be a more promising choice.There are three conspicuous factors to support my argument as follows.

First,purchasing a business would bring an opportunity to you,an opportunity that might help you gain a large amount of wealth,an opportunity that stimulate all your potiential skills.you could live in an ideal house by running the business which you purchased initially.Just imagining that kind of brilliant live,you swim in your private pool agreeably,taste the palatable meal made by your fidelity servant,enjoy the top-level music played by your gorgeous sound field,by no means can you achieve that kind of live if you choice to purchase a house by speeding the orginal money at first.Furthermore,despite the affluence you might achieve,there is no avenue to accumulate wealth like to run your own business does,it offer you so much satisfaction and pleasure by the business running process which convert your skills,determination,knowledge,abilities to money.

Moreover,being an entrepreneur would deter you from forming the harmful habits, such as indolence,cowardice,over-conservative and so on,which would be probably much easier catched than choosing to be a merely householder. Most crucially,you could erect a strong spirit through the process of managing your business.you would become more confident and have the nerve to face all kinds of adversities,these are quite important qualities,qualities that a successful man should have currently.

Last but not least,choosing to purchase a business would teach us a lot.In order to run business well,not only should we enhance our interpersonal skills,but also improve our knowledge of management
,accouting and marketing.Some one may argue that business is full of nothing but risks,it might bring you affluence,however,it might cause you lose everthing.Although this arguement is kind of convincing,there are some doubts to be listed.We can not deny that business do have risks,but one could avoid the risks by utilizing his skills and knowledge and lead his business to an even more prosperious way,even though one's business fail in an unexpected risk,and he lose all his money,by no means can you judge him a loser or say he losed everthing,in respect that he have already learned quite differrent kinds of knowlegdes,improved himself a lot.By these qualities and experiences he gained,he would live a much more prospective life.Just imagine,the one who choose to purchase a house may not have such a wonderful chance to get so many valuable things.What a catastrophic choice he made in the beginning.

Of course,choosing purchasing a house also have advantages to some extent,for instance,one may live a more peaceful and stable live,but if all these factors are contemplated,the advantages of purchasing a business carries more weight.Taking into account of all the factors which I listed above,we may reah the conclusion that it is sagacious to choose purchasing a business when you have enough money.

总体来说第三个论点陈述的非常好，语言组织的也不错，第二个论点要再推敲一下，有些词语用的严重了，比如catastrophic是形容灾难性的决定，好像用在这里不太合适。

总体来说不错，注意一些小的语法和句法错误就好了。

我也明天考试，我们一起加油！@@！