帮我看看我写的第一篇T作文，马上考了谢谢

xiaojianzhu

94. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Dancing plays an important role in a culture. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Before rendering my position, I think it is important to take a glance at the arguments on both sides. People who support that dancing plays an important role in a culture usually give some, even all of the following reasons. The first is that dancing is indeed as an important mean of entertainment, people always dance in a party or gatherings to display their happiness and feelings. And there are a lot of dancing forms in every culture, each with a unique representative. For instance, the popular hip-hop nowadays is prevalent among youths which represents the culture of young generation, it signifies the vigor, young and fad.

The second reason is that dance has a long history traced back to the primitive society, it has established a stable status from then on. When people celebrate their festival, pray, ritual ceremony and participate other activities, they dance to express their feelings and believes. In all, dance is one of the most important component in a culture.

Generally, people attack the view that dancing is really important in every culture claim that dancing is merely a mean of entertainment but not qualified to comprise a culture. They also say that there will be many changes as the society develops rapidly, increasingly forms replace of the position of dance to become the essential element of a culture.

As far as I am concerned, I came to the notion that there are conspicuous reasons why I support the dancing as an important element of a culture. Firstly, admittedly, with the high-tech developments go forward, varieties of entertainment means become richer and richer, dancing seems not the main mean of entertainment, nevertheless, it is as important as before. Given for a substantial evidence, the top one to capture the Oscar this year is a musical drama from Chicago, which presents people are still appreciate the dance and attach great importance to it. Secondly, dancing is also an excellent method of retaining and preserving culture, actually, many cultures have dance as a part of ceremonies, whether it is religious or patriotic in form. Thirdly, dance is an precious art, signifying a nation’s culture. Furthermore, dancing helps to advertise a nation’s culture and make people all through the world to learn it. Currently, a number of people are learning latin dance, from my perspective, the spanish and south American countries better foster their culture through the mean of dancing which reveals their optimistic, happy and romantic.

我19号考，今天才写第一篇作文，不知道这样的作文是什么水平，请大家帮我看看啊谢谢啦，指点一下啊。我发现我作文提高不了似的，想用的词都用不出，是不是该背诵些文章才好呢？请教大家啊

xiaojianzhu

自己先顶下。UP !

guolinwen

The author is trying to balance both parties of an arguement. However, this leads the entire writing to a confusing circumstance, because it does not make sense to readers which side the author stands on. If he intends to argue against the former side, why did he drop 3 paragraphs explaining their opinion? If he is on the other side, why not just focus on that?

amorela

LZ MM都是在谈people think balabala, 但是你自己的concern只有短短的一段.我觉得这样的结构不是特别好.

你不用写那么多other people how to concern this topic, 而是要focus在你是如何去分析这个issue的,你的debate是什么,你的idea是什么,你的reason是什么.

而且句子都好长啊,尽量短句长句结合着使用吧.

xiaojianzhu

哦，谢谢哈，我这个模板参考的是那个完美作文板块里的。呵呵，明白了，自己的观点最重要哦！

yetemwok

Before
rendering my position, I think it is important to take a glance at the
arguments on both sides. People who support that dancing plays an
important role in a culture usually give some, even all of the
following reasons. The first is that dancing is indeed as an important
mean of entertainment, people always dance in a party or gatherings to
display their happiness and feelings. And there are a lot of dancing
forms in every culture, each with a unique representative. For
instance, the popular hip-hop nowadays is prevalent among youths which
represents the culture of young generation, it signifies the vigor,
young and fad.

客套太多，一段结束，不知道你的观点。而且这个RENDERING POSITION有点怪怪的。如果没有时间，干脆用最明白的语言把自己的观点表达清楚。因为如果你对词语用法不熟悉的话，考试的时候容易写出很古怪的句子来的。所以，没有把握的词语少用为秒。ETS考试作文要求很基本。如果结构好的话，还是可以有25分以上的。