18分的作文求批啊`~~~~~~

mimino

一战作文才18分,所以决定不要face地把作文贴上来，请亲们帮忙指点一下。谢谢~~~~`红色是我不太确定的部分.总觉得第二,三段陈述有点单薄.可没想怎么补充.我是按各自都有优点的角度写的.

关于做决定听年轻的还是年老的的好

In some cases, listening advice from other is necessary for us. Who is your best counselor between the older friends and same-aged friends? Some consider that the advice that you take from older friend maybe more practical than that provided from same age friend, especially when you make certain vital decision. On the other hand, in some daily problems, the friends who are as same age as you can offer more practical advice , such as some make-up tips. Thus, different conditions will have different choices. As follows, I will discuss my point.

Firstly, nobody can deny that youth may learn more experience from their older friends. It is apparent that older friends are mature and experienced. They ever underwent various hard times or made some important decisions in the past, so the older friends can learn the real conditions further and provide some practical advice . For example, once before I made the decision whether I should go abroad, an older friend shared her foreign study experiences with me. Firstly, she analyzed my actual condition and understood my real willing. Moreover, she told me how to arrange study pace, how to surpass homesick, how to make foreign friends and so on. What is a useful meeting! After communication, I clearly understand which decision should be made. It is the advantage of older friends that they are rational and many-sided.

 

What is more, it can not be denied that youth also get perfect advice from the same-aged friends. Because youth have many similar hobbies and interests, they can go to shopping together, share fashion messages and make-up skills. For instance, if you want to know which cloth is more suitable for you to date, which store is on sale and which hair style is fit for you, you will get better answers form these same-aged friends than its from older friends.

Finally, according to all kinds of circumstance, there are various options. A smart person should learn how to benefit from his or her friends’ merits. In many conditions, friends are your best teachers.

mmm713

mimino

为什么有人看没人批?难道是作文水平太差到无语吗?哭`~~~~~~~~~~~``人家快考试了啊~~~~~牛们~~~现在cder好安静,牛都考完回家吃草去了，

zhlsh1985

记得新东方的戴云教主增经说过，不要写平衡观点，很难驾驭的

建议楼主瞅准一个方向说罢，比如只说跟年龄大一点的人交往好

这样可能更好驾驭

TODD_XIE

lz好像有很多名词复数 和第三人称单数问题啊，一定要注意哦。每多一次语法错误将会给考官带来不好的印象。

语法上有些混乱，比如有的句子会带有中文思维，出现了2个谓语。可能影响到了判卷官的理解，所以分给低了吧

都是细节问题，不过也要好好注意哦~

多多注意一定会更上一层楼的。

 

mimino

语法上有些混乱，比如有的句子会带有中文思维，出现了2个谓语。todd-xie亲，帮我看一下是哪句有两个谓语，我找了半天也没看到，谢谢拉`~~错误都成习惯了，自己都挑不出了，好逊！！！：（

yetemwok

In some cases, listening advice from other is necessary for us. Who is your best counselor between the older friends and same-aged friends? Some consider that the advice that you take from older friend maybe more practical than that provided from same age friend, especially when you make certain vital decision. On the other hand, in some daily problems, the friends who are as same age as you can offer more practical advice , such as some make-up tips. Thus, different conditions will have different choices. As follows, I will discuss my point.

献丑了. 参考. 你的文法中文味道有点重.

In life, getting advice from others at times is inevitable. Who will be our best advisors? Older people or just our peers? Some believe that advice from experienced friends may be often more practical that that from chums, especially when you have to make some decisive choices. However, our pals with the similar age and philosophy may be able to know what exactly we want and therefore to offer us the suggestions better fit our real needs. Therefore, whether to take advice from older friends or our peers largely depends on the milieu in which our conundrum is burgeoning.

TODD_XIE

 Because youth have many similar hobbies and interests, they can go to shopping together, share fashion messages and make-up skills.

虽然每个句子中间是逗号,这在中文间是可以的,但是这是在英文里面明显会让老外糊涂的句子.要么改成从句要么改成连词引导的各个单句.

其他没有细看,不好意思啊

mimino

感动ing ,谢谢大家提得宝贵意见，虽然不知道能否在10号把这些错误改过来~~~但还是感谢`~~~~

wellen

我也是些的那篇作文，得了good的分数

但是小作文巨烂limited，所以和你一样18分

个人觉得你的段看上去不够好，每一段越来越少，而且没有结尾