小妹写了一篇作文，拜托各路大师们帮着看看

claire6611

题目：Some people prefer to work for themselves or own a business. Others prrefer to work for an employer. Would you rather be self-employed, work for someone else, or own a business? Use specific reasons to explain your chioce.

     In my opinion, whether working for my-self or for others or a business should depend on which stages I was in.

For the first stage, in which I’ve just graduated from university, I prefer to work for a business or a person. Because as a young lady with little experience, it’s too challenging to open my own business. Working for others or a business can help me gain more experience, adapt the heavy pressure, and know how to deal with my workmates. What’s more, I can learn the feeling and the hope for the boss after working as an employee, which will greatly contribute to me if I want to be an ideal boss in the future.

As to the second stage, in which I have had enough experience and capability and I’m confident enough that I could be a successful boss, I will choose to work for my-self. Because having a company and running a successful business has always been my dream since I fall in love with economy and market. Instead of working as a job, working for my-self is a kind of enjoyment and fulfillment to me, because I regard it as part of my life, in which I was determined to become an outstanding businesswoman.

So, I think both working for others or a business and working for my-self are essential, and the key point is in which stage I was in. 

亮A1200

没有例子

panlvquan

好短

troyxu

还需多多修炼阿。。托福考场就先别去了呵。。 暂且先看你一段。

对了我该叫您大姐！大学都毕业了哇。。

Because having a company and running a successful business has always been my dream since I fall in love with economy and market.

没有这样写的吧。。

Instead of working as a job 啥意思？, working (to work)因为你还没这么干吧。。 for my-self myself。。 is a kind of 书面英语避免 kind of, sort of.. enjoyment and fulfillment to me, because I regard it as part of my life, in which I was have been determined to become be就行了 an outstanding businesswoman.