我的第四篇TWE啊

lxhf0406

Choose one of the following transportation vehicles and explain why you think it has changed people’s lives. (1) automobiles (2) bicycles (3) airplanes Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

汽车：

1.旅游更加舒适

2.促进城市建设

3.环境污染

As the years go by, more and more vehicles were invented by human, which arouses a question，”which transportation vehicle has changed people’s lives most?” many people declare that airplane has changed lives most, for it is faster and allow people fly in the sky. However, others hold the opinion towards the controversy; they believe it is automobile. I argue for the latter viewpoint, as I deem that automobile is more influencing than airplane. I would like to explain it in my following article.

 

Firstly, I want to talk about its benefits. The merits of automobile are numberless as the sand. To begin with, please allow me to state a truth. Last time, my brother and I drove our car from Beijing to hangzhou, and the distance is about 1000 miles. We drove it across many counties and villages. It’s impressing because every time when we arrived a new county or village, we stayed there for 2 days, visited the people there , talked with them, enjoyed the special food there and viewed beautiful places. What does this mean? We can utilize the car to make our journey convenient, funny and comfortable. I really can’t imagine what would happen if we rode our bicycles? Maybe one year is a must to do the same thing. In a word, automobile changes our lives because of its convenience.

 

Furthermore, the development of automobile promotes city planning. It is obviously that more roads are constructed to satisfy the development of automobile. As the automobile is cheaper than before, more people own at least a car, which spurs automobile manufacturers to accelerate the speed of products. Recently, I noticed some pictures which showed the situation of Beijing in 1988 and it’s amazing that the old city changed so much. I have to say it is the feat of automobile. Somebody would ask, “isn’t it too congested in many cities if there are so many cars?” actually, under the control of government, it will never be too congested in any city. Anyway, automobile changes people’s lives because of the feat in city planning.

 

The last point I want to say is the harm to people. As we all know, automobiles cause the pollution, especially the environment pollution. Automobiles produce exhausted gas which is quite harmful to people’s lives, because many diseases such as cancers are caused by such gas. Also automobiles produce too much noise which affects our hearing function and our normal life. Imagining if when people are sleeping in the evening, suddenly a big automobile shouts loudly, I bet that it will drive some people crazy. So I am sure automobile affects people not only on the good side, but also on the bad one.

 

In conclusion, I persevere that automobile has changed people’s lives most, in spite of the benefits or losses. And also I agree with the opinion that we should notice the bad effects caused by automobiles. So if we invest more efforts on protecting the environment, we will own a beautiful Earth, our homestead.

lifeiteng

不好乱讲，就你的文章评论一下。具体的语言运用，和语法，不如自己再通读一遍吧。

顺便说一句，这种文章里少出现个人的意见，就是不要有I we you 一类的词。你一说自己的观点，就站不住脚了。说我觉得，，，不如说，，， 变个人观点为事实。

开头不好。有魔版的嫌疑，而且废话多。要和下文联系阿，不能说我下面的就能解释了，这种不负责任的话不好。

1段有点怪，举的例子和前面提到的truth没有关系吧。开头好像和例子无关。其实你的例子不错，不过自我解释不好。你的例子是说你上杭州玩，那你应该说说到底如何方便了你，而不是简简单单的 方便，有趣，舒适。举出具体的例子。（其实挺不错的）好比说飞机延误，你还先到。或者是路上欣赏到祖国大好河山。最后的几句真的是不怎么样。两个问号一个用错，一个没意义。要回到文中，说明这个例子的确证明车好。

2段写的不是很有力，说是能够加强城市建设，可是你却先说大家买车。后来又说造车，再说比较。这有点。。。应该明确指出车如何带来了建设，比如车多逼迫政府建设新的公路，高速，4 5 环。

3段真的不是好段了。你的目标是说明车如何改变了人们的生活，而不是说他如何损害。这个感情色彩上有点怪。既然之前都说的是正面，后面就不要变了。这种作文要一边倒阿。

结尾没有回文，而且提出了新的观点：车的负面影响。

总体来说是文章结构不是很合理。语言运用不好乱评价，就不说了。不过错误也不少。

多发发，多写写，就会有提高的。

lxhf0406

多谢你的评价。