第一次写ARGUMENT，能不能提点意见？谢谢了

rae_hu

Citing facts drawn from revenues of the Allegro Musical Instrument Company, the director of the Largo Piano Company argues that Largo should introduce a line of digital pianos in a variety of price ranges in order to increase the sales.  In support of his conclusion, the director cites that Allegro’s revenues increase was caused by introducing a line of inexpensive digital pianos.  At the first glance, the conclusion is plausible, but further consideration reviews that the conclusion is based on some uncertain assumptions and the line of the reasoning is biased due to deficiency in these evidence.  A careful examination would present how vulnerable the conclusion is.

 

First, the argument rests on the assumption that a line of inexpensive digital pianos leads to the Allegro’s revenue increase can also contribute to the Largos’ success in sales increase.  The assumption is weak because these two companies are different and have distinctive features although there is a similarity between these two companies that they all sell musical instrument.  It is a common sense that same factors can not work with same consequences on different things.  If it does, we could say that a line of inexpensive digital piano could bring success to a company that produces guitar.  Isn’t the conclusion a ridiculous one?

 

In addition, the director assumes that by introducing a line of digital pianos in a variety of price ranges, the Largo would increase the sales in a short time because customers are familiar with the prestigious Largo name.  This evidence is quite groundless.  Customers know Largo name because of their distinctive traits that they produce carefully handcrafted and expensive pianos.  Furthermore, Largo wins the prestige by making their pianos used by leading concert pianists.  What if Largo start to sell digital pianos?  This will make Largo’s exclusiveness disappear and make them a regular company, which is same as the Allegro, a company that sells pianos without uniqueness and history.  This change can not bring great sales to Largo.

 

Accordingly, the argument that director of Largo makes is not persuasive as it stands.  Thus, it is imprudent for the director to claim that introduction of digital pianos to Largo will make sales increase.  To make this argument more logically acceptable, the director must provide more evidence to demonstrate that there are no possible factors that would prevent Largo from the success on sale.  Only with more convincing evidence could make the director’s argument more than just emotional appear.

rio

以下是引用rae_hu在2007-8-29 2:15:00的发言：

Citing facts drawn from revenues of the Allegro Musical Instrument Company, the director of the Largo Piano Company argues that Largo should introduce a line of digital pianos in a variety of price ranges in order to increase the sales.  In support of his conclusion, the director cites that Allegro’s revenues increase was caused by introducing a line of inexpensive digital pianos.  At the first glance, the conclusion is plausible, but further consideration reviews that the conclusion is based on some uncertain assumptions and the line of the reasoning is biased due to deficiency in these evidence.  A careful examination would present how vulnerable the conclusion is.

First, the argument rests on the assumption that a line of inexpensive digital pianos leads to the Allegro’s revenue increase can also contribute to the Largos’ success in sales increase(这句话一个主语两个宾语,结构上有错误).  The assumption is weak because these two companies are different and have distinctive features although there is a similarity between these two companies that they all(both) sell musical instrument.  It is a common sense that same factors can not work with same consequences on different things.  If it does, we could say that a line of inexpensive digital piano could bring success to a company that produces guitar.  Isn’t the conclusion a ridiculous one?

In addition, the director assumes that by introducing a line of digital pianos in a variety of price ranges, the Largo would increase the sales in a short time because customers are familiar with the prestigious Largo name.  This evidence is quite groundless.  Customers know Largo name because of their distinctive traits that they produce carefully handcrafted and expensive pianos.  Furthermore, Largo wins the prestige by making their pianos used by leading concert pianists.  What if Largo start to sell digital pianos?  This will make Largo’s exclusiveness disappear and make them a regular company, which is same as the Allegro, a company that sells pianos without uniqueness and history.  This change can not bring great sales to Largo.

Accordingly, the argument that director of Largo makes(made by the director of largo) is not persuasive as it stands.  Thus, it is imprudent for the director to claim that introduction of digital pianos to Largo will make sales increase.  To make this argument more logically acceptable, the director must provide more evidence to demonstrate that there are no possible factors that would prevent Largo from the success on sale.  Only with more convincing evidence could make the director’s argument more than just emotional appear.

再多体会一下什么叫七宗罪，你的论证虽说有道理，最好和七宗罪结合以下

rae_hu

谢谢

rae_hu

那你说我这样的能得多少分啊？能及格吗

rio

字数有点少了

结合七宗罪能够再多一百字就好了

参考置顶的帖子