德克的猪评一下吧（自己已经改过了）

superboy2008

TOEFL iBT Writing 
Independent writing 
82  can advertisement tell you a lot about the country ?

        It is well-known that advertisement serves a primary role  in current business world , ranging from the daily food to the most advanced scientific device , the fashion outfit to the attracting travel destination . They are ubiquitous , inescapable and inevitable . To some extent , I support the idea that advertisement can tell you something about the country .
        In the first place , with the help of  internet and the TV set , you really can get a  lot information about the country including the local custom , the traditional value ,and the most important of all , the people.  From the advertisement , you also can form a overall roughly conception of the country . For example , from the tourist advertisement , you can understand the geographical situation of the country , knowing its beautiful spots and historical attractions . With the help of the fashion advertisement , you can grasp the newest trend among the young generation of this country ,knowing what they  advocate and what they despise.
          In the second place , sometimes advertisement , especially the kind only aiming at gaining profits , will mislead you to a wrong direction of way to understand this country .  Take the recently cosmetic surgery advertisement as a case in point . In this advertisement , It always asserts that this procedure will make you more glamorous, more attractive and also claims that there are many people already completed the surgery and lots of people are anxiously waiting .  As a matter of fact , the majority of the people in this country show no interest in this , and most even ignore that advertisement .Therefore , if you trust this kind of advertisement  , you are probably get deluded .
           In a nutshell , the advertisement can both help and impede  you to understand the general condition of the country which you like to know ......
time  : 25 minutes

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-8-21 15:56:16编辑过]

superboy2008

自己先顶一下 

德克的猪

It is well-known that advertisement serves a primary role in current business world, ranging from the daily food to the most advanced scientific device, the fashion outfit to the attracting travel destination(这个句子我觉得不是太通顺.serve a xxx role和range from A to B似乎不太搭调.你可以说:Advertisement, as no doubt, serves an indispensable role in current business world. Advertisement is ubiquitous-all the products, ranging from the daily food to the most advanced scientific device, are advertised. Advertisement is inescapable-it appears in newspapers, magazines, internet and TV-you can never success in shunning them.). They are ubiquitous, inescapable and inevitable. To some extent, I support the idea that advertisement can tell you something about the country(你的这个句子和前面的联系不紧密.感觉很突兀.你可以所.And to attract people, advertisement must be designed and shot in ways people are familiar with or interested in. Therefore, advertisement is the marriage of designers’ creation and country’s culture background., hence my perspective-advertisement can tell you something about the country.)

In the first place(我还是继续使用我喜好的for one thing和for another. In the first place也太横竖横了), with(via借助) the help of internet and the TV set, you really can get(最好少用get,原因有二,一是get不正式,二是get的意思太多,不具体.这里可以所obtain) a lot(a lot也不要用,因为它不正式,这里是不可数,所以你可以用plenty of) information about the country including the local custom, the traditional value, and the most important
            of all, the people. From the advertisement, you also can form a overall roughly conception of the country(你需要说明how can advertisement tell people: local custom, the traditional value and the people. How是必不可少的.要是没有HOW,你的论述就是不完整的.). For example(如果是比较宽泛的例子,我喜欢用let us say), from the tourist advertisement, you can understand the geographical situation of the country and (know) knowing(know和understand的结构上是并列的,所以,这里不是ing形式,应该是原型know) its beautiful spots and historical attractions. With the help of the fashion advertisement, you can grasp the newest trend among the young generation of(in) this country and know what they advocate and what they
        despise.

In the second place(For another), sometimes advertisement, especially the kind(those) only aiming at gaining profits, will mislead you to a wrong direction of way to understand this country. Take the recently cosmetic surgery advertisement as a case in point(这个句子的结构是不完整的,只要是举例,我都建议用it will suffice to mention). In this advertisement, It always asserts that this procedure will make you more glamorous, more attractive and also claims that there are many people already completed(have already received) the surgery and lots of(a multitude of) people are anxiously waiting for the surgery.  As a matter of fact , the majority of the people in this country show no interest in this, and most even ignore that advertisement. Therefore, if you trust this kind of advertisement  , you are probably get deluded .(既然你在第一段表明了你的支持立场,你就应该花大部分的时间说明how advertisement tell people about one country.而你却用了相同的文墨来写和你观点相反的一些东西.这样是不好的.最好应该在写完2个支持你观点的理由过后,如果时间充分,再考虑写样的让步段.)

In a nutshell(in a nutshell俗了.其实,不一定非要写样的词汇), the advertisement can both help and impede you to understand the general condition of the country which you like to know .

 

我不喜欢中立的文章,我也不支持中立的文章.d

superboy2008

看过GRE issue 的后遗症  事务都有两面性  好的坏的都说一点

谢谢版主提醒了

谢谢版主的大家级指导