新手，恬不知耻的发个作文，随意看

wzcxy100

高中，刚开始准备作文，第一次写，莫笑

打字超慢，３０多分钟了就憋出个刚过３００字的文章，还是个四段的，真的是心有余而力不足

随意看看吧，能帮着批批自然感激不尽

题目是是否同意媒体对名人的关注过度了（ Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television, newspapers, magazines, and other media pay too much attention to the personal lives of famous people such as public figures and celebrities. Use specific reasons and details to explain your opinion. ）

下面是正文

Thanks to the highly advanced technology of all kinds of media which dominates our lives, famous people become famous. They are those who media benefits the most. However, they are also the victims who suffer the most, as they are usually the target to be attacked. Once media pays too much attention to their lives, and terribly threatens their privacy which is neither moral nor legal, they will certainly be unhappy.

 

The privacy of famous people is now vulnerable. We can often read all kinds of news about different famous people, and might enjoy reading them. But undoubtedly, famous people won’t like their secrets to be revealed or published. What is worse to them, some unfriendly media institutions keep search for their negative news, in order to harm their public figures. Last month, after tolerating the pursuing of the journalists of a tabloid for a long time, the Hongkong singer Jacky Zhueng announced that he would not be back to Hongkong until that tabloid was shut down. It is obviously a torment to be paid too much attention for most famous people now. The serious offense of privacy without having one’s permission should certainly be criticized, in case of morality.

 

However, the abuse of one’s privacy is not just a problem of morality; it is a serious violation of laws. As one of the basic human rights of a person, privacy is protected by the Constitution of other laws in most countries in this world. And in some countries, those newspaper or magazines that are too “enthusiastic” do receive punishments from the judicial systems of their country. Thus, the action of occupying one’s private space is illegal.

 

To conclude, it is a very unacceptable fact that many forms of media are depriving the privacy of famous people to dig news, without any limitation of morality or laws. The excessive attention is not favored by any famous people, since they are also human beings, and they need to have their own space.

ｅｘａｍｐｌｅ是随手写的，没时间细想，别在意

Thanks to the highly advanced technology of all kinds of media which dominates our lives, famous people become famous. They are those who media benefits the most. However, they are also the victims who suffer the most, as they are usually the target to be attacked. Once media pays too much attention to their lives, and terribly threatens their privacy which is neither moral nor legal, they will certainly be unhappy.

 

The privacy of famous people is now vulnerable. We can often read all kinds of news about different famous people, and might enjoy reading them. But undoubtedly, famous people won’t like their secrets to be revealed or published. What is worse to them, some unfriendly media institutions keep search for their negative news, in order to harm their public figures. Last month, after tolerating the pursuing of the journalists of a tabloid for a long time, the Hongkong singer Jacky Zhueng announced that he would not be back to Hongkong until that tabloid was shut down. It is obviously a torment to be paid too much attention for most famous people now. The serious offense of privacy without having one’s permission should certainly be criticized, in case of morality.

 

However, the abuse of one’s privacy is not just a problem of morality; it is a serious violation of laws. As one of the basic human rights of a person, privacy is protected by the Constitution of other laws in most countries in this world. And in some countries, those newspaper or magazines that are too “enthusiastic” do receive punishments from the judicial systems of their country. Thus, the action of occupying one’s private space is illegal.

 

To conclude, it is a very unacceptable fact that many forms of media are depriving the privacy of famous people to dig news, without any limitation of morality or laws. The excessive attention is not favored by any famous people, since they are also human beings, and they need to have their own space.

ｅｘａｍｐｌｅ是随手写的，没时间细想，别在意

东岸再见

太巧了，我们选了同一题呢，看来我们俩审题的思路是一样的，就是不同意：媒体过度关注名人。而不是不同意题目中的statement。只是选了不同的角度。我是草根视角

一起加油：）

wzcxy100

呵呵好啊好啊

siwfly

以下是引用wzcxy100在2007-7-28 17:03:00的发言：

高中，刚开始准备作文，第一次写，莫笑

打字超慢，３０多分钟了就憋出个刚过３００字的文章，还是个四段的，真的是心有余而力不足

随意看看吧，能帮着批批自然感激不尽

题目是是否同意媒体对名人的关注过度了（ Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television, newspapers, magazines, and other media pay too much attention to the personal lives of famous people such as public figures and celebrities. Use specific reasons and details to explain your opinion. ）

下面是正文
   

Thanks to the highly advanced technology of all kinds of media which dominates our lives, famous people become famous. They are those who media benefits the most who benifit most from the media . However, they are also the victims who suffer the most, as they are usually the target to be attacked targets of public critisim. Once media pays pay too much attention to their lives, and terribly threatens thus threaten their privacy which is neither moral nor legal (最好省略或换别的表达方法，并且这里不要用which来引导，除非你前面的pay too much attention换成动名词), they will certainly be unhappy.（这里已经不是高不高兴的问题了吧？换个词吧。）
        

 

The privacy of famous people is now vulnerable. We can often read all kinds of news about different famous people, and many might enjoy reading them. But （个人觉得这里but是多余的，因为前后文根本没有转折关系）undoubtedly, famous people won’t like their secrets to be revealed or published. What is worse to them, is that some unfriendly media institutions keep searching (keep doing sth) for their negative news, in order to harm their public figures. Last month, after tolerating the pursuing of the journalists of a tabloid 个人意见改成some tabloid journalists for a long time, the Hongkong singer Jacky Zhueng announced that he would not be back to Hongkong until that tabloid was shut down. It is obviously a torment to be paid too much attention for most famous people now. The serious offense of to privacy without having one’s permission should certainly be criticized, in case of morality. 我想楼主的意思应该是 in terms of 在什么方面, in case of 是万一的意思，
            而且最后一句话也有问题，offense 本身就是一种without permission的表现，这样连不上来

 

abuse的不是privacy，而是侵害privacy的行为
            However, the abuse of one’s privacy is not just a problem of morality moral problem就好了吧？; it is a serious violation of laws 这句话完全可以用not only but also连起来. As one of the basic human rights of a person 你都已经说了是human rights，还加person完全多余, privacy is protected by the Constitution of other laws
            ？？？in most countries in this world. And in some countries, those newspaper newspapers or magazines that are too “enthusiastic” do receive punishments from the judicial systems of their country. Thus, the action of occupying one’s private space is illegal.

To conclude, it is a very unacceptable fact that many forms of media are depriving the privacy of famous people to dig by digging news, without any limitation of morality or laws moral or legal limitation. The excessive attention is not favored by any famous people, since they are also human beings, and they need to have their own space.  

 

事实上，法律上来说，公众人物和普通老百姓是不同的，他们的隐私权是受限制的，在某种程度上的生活被公开是合法的，因为他们是明星或者大人物，有被吹捧的权力同时有被监督的义务，所以你说它完全不合法这个表达方式是不恰当的

 

天啦，发现改作文比写作文累多多啦。只很有限的帮你看了一些语法，希望能对你有小小帮助啦。

 

建议：

1.下次发上来前自己可以先改多几遍，最好先把语法改一下，这样对你本身会有更大的帮助和提高。
2. 观点陈述不够深刻，语言表达不够准确。可能背景知识还相对缺乏。以前新闻专门讲过这个隐私权的问题，你可以上网去授一下看看法律专家的意见是怎么样的

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-7-28 19:44:31编辑过]

siwfly

为什么文章总是出现两遍？编辑了好多次也不行，真奇怪

德克的猪

以下是引用siwfly在2007-7-28 19:29:00的发言：
为什么文章总是出现两遍？编辑了好多次也不行，真奇怪

这是论坛发帖系统本身的问题

你可以把这个帖子内的内容删除

然后用word编辑过后直接粘贴

siwfly

现在好了，呵呵，写啦

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-7-28 19:45:06编辑过]

wzcxy100

呵呵因为完全是要３０分钟写完的啊，所以就把原来写的发上来了。自己后来看看也感觉好烂

siwfly

没关系，其实主要是练习一个套路，就是你自己写文章的一种风格，也就是大家练的所谓的模版，但是模版没有记很熟很熟的话反而会影响你的发散思维。所以最好是练出自己写作的套路。多多练习吧。注意语法

xueer

very nice