[求助]第一次的作文,请大家指教.是不是太Chinguish.

mickimicki

Some people think (这个think一般不要用,some people think这句可换作"a multitude of people hold the opinions that ....") Television (首字母不要大写)enhance(这个词用得不好,educational level 怎么能enhance(加强),可以说television enhance people's knowledge base) education level (注意是educational) by bringing people news and information,and introducing (少了个people)different custom and culture, etc.(etc尽量在托福文章里不要用,想说举例的话,就说,for examples, for instances, 或such as 之类的) However, I totally(可换成utterly,绝对比totally,或completely 之类的好) disagree (disagree这个词用的太普通,要知道,在托福里想拿高分,就要使劲拽高级词汇或词组,这个在这可以说,I contradit to such opinion 或 Such kind of thoughts have never been appealed to me)that Television has helped improve standards of education for a number of(换作numerous) reasons:

    

LZ 的基本语法还可以,但是词汇量太少,想拿高分在IBT里很难,最好找本3000+的词汇书背,这样有助于作文的提高. 

Patience

谢谢楼上的朋友。

大家能不能对我举的例子看看，我觉得我没有把例子developed得当。

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-7-17 11:06:48编辑过]