[求助]第一篇写作，请各位高手给些指点

3239hanhan

之前一直对写作没信心，无奈昨天花了一个小时写了第一篇，请各位高手给些评分和指教，非常想知道自己现在的水平处在哪个层次，万分感谢呀！！！

rio

u can post ur writing

3239hanhan

文件无法上传，贴在下面，请多多指教，感谢！！

1. In some countries, television and radio programs are carefully censored for offensive language and behavior. In other countries, there is little or no censorship.

In your view, to what extent should government or any other group be able to censor television or radio programs? Explain, giving relevant reasons and/or examples to support your position.

As it is mentioned in the issue, government implements stringent censorship on TV and radio programs in some countries. In my point of view, this action is very necessary to guarantee the society's health. But how to manage the extent of censorship is the key point to make sure the measure is helpful.

 

Firstly, the censorship on TV and radio program is definitely required in a normal society. If government doesn't censor this kind of media, it means any kind of information can be transmitted to anyone in the countries. For juvenile, who are in the phase of building up their cognition of the world, some harmful programs, such as violence and blue firms, will seriously impact their behaviors and thinking. They will be concentrated on the gloom of the society, imitate contemptible behavior and probably be led to the dire crime at last. It can be said these kinds of programs partially take the role of the origins of the crimes of juvenile, thus endanger the safety and healthy of our society. On the other hand, for adults, if some harmful programs which focus on depressing people, maybe it cause them to be negative when facing any social phenomenon. As the result, they can't love their life contribute more for the society. So we can't regard the harmful programs as zero or positive influence for our society and the censorship is absolutely necessary.

 

Secondly, Since government choose to use the censorship as a tool to manage and optimize our society they must know how to control the extent. If they overuse it to prohibit any negative information appearing in programs, many valuable information may be cut which can support government to improvement the healthy of society. For example, in a TV program, the focus is to reveal some environmental problems, although it contains some offensive language, but it's objective is to open the issues and find effective solution. This kind of program should be remained. Otherwise we can't hear different voice on various points in the society. It's also not beneficial for the progress of society.

 

In conclusion, censorship on TV and radio programs must be existed in a normal society. But government is also required to put a definite and reasonable boundary on how to censor the media. With all these steps, the programs will be beneficial for the whole society.

rio

以下是引用3239hanhan在2007-6-21 17:03:00的发言：

文件无法上传，贴在下面，请多多指教，感谢！！

1. In some countries, television and radio programs are carefully censored for offensive language and behavior. In other countries, there is little or no censorship.

In your view, to what extent should government or any other group be able to censor television or radio programs? Explain, giving relevant reasons and/or examples to support your position.

As it is mentioned in the issue, government implements stringent censorship on TV and radio programs in some countries. In my point of view, this action is very necessary to guarantee the society's health(这里比较不太恰当，不如说necessary for people to live a positive life/reduce the occurance of the imitations of violence in TV). But how to manage the extent of censorship is the key point to make sure the measure is helpful.

Firstly, the censorship on TV and radio program is definitely required in a normal society. If government doesn't(does not) censor this kind of media, it means any kind of information can be transmitted to anyone in the countries. For juvenile, who are in the phase of building up their cognition of the world, some harmful programs, such as violence and blue firms, will seriously impact their behaviors and thinking. They will be concentrated(concentrate) on the gloom of the society, imitate contemptible behavior and probably be led to the dire crime at last. It can be said these kinds of programs partially take the role of the origins of the crimes of juvenile, thus endanger the safety and healthy of our society. On the other hand, for adults, if some harmful programs which focus on depressing people, maybe it(it may) cause them to be negative when facing(they face) any social phenomenon. As the result, they can't(cannot) love their life (or) contribute more for the society. So we can't
                    regard the harmful programs as
                    zero or positive influence(neglect the harmful influence of the programs) for our society and the censorship is absolutely necessary.

Secondly, Since government choose to use the censorship as a tool to manage and optimize our society they must know how to control the extent. If they overuse it to prohibit any negative information appearing in programs, many valuable information may be cut which can support government to improvement(improve) the healthy(well-being/wellfare) of society. For example, in a TV program, the focus is to reveal some environmental problems, although it contains some offensive language, but it's(its) objective is to open(expose) the issues and find effective solution. This kind of program should be remained(remain). Otherwise we can't hear different voice on various points in the society. It's also not beneficial for the progress of society.

In conclusion, censorship on TV and radio programs must be existed(exist) in a normal society. But government is also required to put a definite and reasonable boundary on how to censor the media. With all these steps, the programs will be beneficial for the whole society.

整体比较连贯，但是中间的两段还是感觉缺乏论证力度。或者说段落内部应该具有递进的关系会比较好，那样给人以深刻感。

多写几篇自己再改写一下，试着把内部的论证加强。

3239hanhan

找到些感觉了，万分感谢！！！