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[求助]还有10天考的人第一篇作文。。。跪求批改。。。

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楼主
发表于 2007-6-14 12:39:00 | 只看该作者

[求助]还有10天考的人第一篇作文。。。跪求批改。。。

时间还是卡不准。。。不过还有10天~这一点应该比较容易改

自己写的东西自己不会狠下心来拍砖。。。。所以就烦劳bz了

从机经中抽的题目,如下

Topic: Do drivers have to pay a fee for driving in busy city streets when traffic is in a great amount?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Since industry revolution took placed years from now, the automobile industry had come into a steep increase. Virtually every American family owns at least one car currently, which not only avert huge amount of land to parking lots, but also cause critical traffic problem. So there came a issue about we should tax those drivers for causing traffic jam in rush hour, which might solve the problem. However, the opinion of mine totally stands opposed to this idea. And the reasons why I am against the issue are as below.

   Among all the vectors that make taxing not desirable, the need of commuting is crucial. Multitudes of city dwellers have to spend time traveling from work to home, which means, the citizens undergo rush hour everyday. I myself have exactly the same experience. I live in a coast city of China which is prosperous and holds a population of 13 million. Driving during rush hours is merely a nightmare. Cars’ piling up ahead only reminds you being late for work again. If we have to suffer catastrophe like this and yet be taxed for it, I would say that is not fair!

   What is more, isn’t it traffic a problem to be solved by the government, which taxes our citizens for one cause or another? Isn’t it time for the officials to do something that would benefit all of us? We adults feel obliged to pay government tax in order to improve the quality of ours. And now, I bet, it is the right time to let us see the change. Instead of taxing us more, the government should place stress on how to structure the streets better.

   In addition, ambulance and other cars for emergency traveling in rush hours are not rare. Increasing the fee only means the burden of social welfare becoming heavier. No one would like to see result like that, I believe, though the motive of which is not bad. Doing without the dubious advantages the policy of taxing more, we are capable of finding more solutions to solve the problem.


[此贴子已经被作者于2007-6-14 13:51:14编辑过]
沙发
发表于 2007-6-14 12:46:00 | 只看该作者
先看 我在iBT区发的写作的帖子和写作区的修改
板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2007-6-14 12:53:00 | 只看该作者

[原创]Zd's TOEFL写作 <更新-写作思路/修改集合>

这个?

一直在看。。。。

地板
发表于 2007-6-14 17:28:00 | 只看该作者
 看了看,没有什么好大改动的
5#
 楼主| 发表于 2007-6-14 17:47:00 | 只看该作者
以下是引用德克的猪在2007-6-14 17:28:00的发言:
 看了看,没有什么好大改动的

 这话...给了我莫大的动力....

6#
发表于 2007-6-20 18:24:00 | 只看该作者

楼主是戴云的写作吗

你上的是今年的寒假班吗

7#
发表于 2007-6-24 01:28:00 | 只看该作者
。。。德猪兄都说不错是么。。。收下了。。。。
8#
发表于 2007-6-25 22:48:00 | 只看该作者

我觉得LZ可以有更好的逻辑来写这篇文章。可以这样三点:

一、在rush time traffic jam is a normal phenominon,象上海20 million 的大城市怎么可能在早晚上下班高峰不堵车呢?

二、runing cars pay fees 可能会让 traffic jam变得更严重,我觉得这点很重要,说明这个方法不当。

三、可以提出其他方法来解决交通问题,比如改善路况等。

不知道这样会不会更好点,呵呵,个人觉得GRE的逻辑写作对这类题还是很有帮助。

9#
 楼主| 发表于 2007-7-12 12:03:00 | 只看该作者
以下是引用mumuleen在2007-6-20 18:24:00的发言:

楼主是戴云的写作吗

你上的是今年的寒假班吗

不是呀....

上的LXL的课

10#
 楼主| 发表于 2007-7-12 12:04:00 | 只看该作者
以下是引用leepee在2007-6-25 22:48:00的发言:

我觉得LZ可以有更好的逻辑来写这篇文章。可以这样三点:

一、在rush time traffic jam is a normal phenominon,象上海20 million 的大城市怎么可能在早晚上下班高峰不堵车呢?

二、runing cars pay fees 可能会让 traffic jam变得更严重,我觉得这点很重要,说明这个方法不当。

三、可以提出其他方法来解决交通问题,比如改善路况等。

不知道这样会不会更好点,呵呵,个人觉得GRE的逻辑写作对这类题还是很有帮助。

多谢^^

我的逻辑是瓶頸...

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