有劳德克老师帮忙修改作文啦

hellohuijia

读了一些德克修改的作文，感觉受益非先，下午尝试写了这篇，有劳德克老师帮忙修改啦，还是时间太长，总想不出理由和例子。本来想写4月29号的机经，就是"It is important to know every event happening around the world even if it is unlike to have any effect on your daily life.", 但是写到一半就写不下去了，只想到浪费时间这一个理由，只好改写下面这个topic.

Topic：Do you agree with the following statement:Getting university education is the most important factor for success in daily life?

Currently people put more attention on education. Thus getting university education is what most people strive to. With a good education background people would find a satisfactory job more easily and would hardly have to experience the frustration resulted from the failure of job seeking. Thus some hold the opinion that getting university education is the most significant factor for success in one's life. Though the benefits of education is countless, from my perspective, university education is not so crutial in the way of gaining success.

A multitude of people live under the illusion that unless university persons have no where to learn knowledge. However, in my opinion, it is n ot as that case at all and what they are thinking about is really far beyond me. University does provide students with a convinient and sound study atmosphere. People would learn knowldge systematicly with the help of excerlent teachers. But it is not the only paradize to study. As many of us recognized nowadays university sets too much course that are unlike to have any connection with students' daily life. Why do students have to complete all those useless corses only to gain enough credit is beyond me？It is not only a waste of time but also a waste if energy. For instance an art student has to learn much about math in one university in my hometown. They put so much time on the abstruct functions and endless calculations that almost have no time to practise their painting. It is the unreasonable education system that becomes the obstacle of their approach to success.

To such a paramount reason, another must be added. In the way to success one has to gain a variaty of skills as well as knowledge, say, communication skills,team work, a sense of responsibility and so on.  Only university education is far from enough. It is next to impossible that a person with merely a good university education background would gain success in his/her life. How to face difficulties and stick up to oneself is what a university can hardly teach the students. People would train themselves in the more sophisticated society rather than college. It is not rarely to see a number of successful people without a sound university education.

To conclude, I am convinced that a university education background is far less than the most important factor for success in daily ilfe though it is very significant one. A multitude of factor influence success gaining thus it is only an all-sided developement of onself can finally leads to accomplishment.

德克的猪

Currently people put(focus肯定比put好) more attention on education(这个开头太平淡了,而且currently这样表示<现今>的词,最好不要出现在开头,这里可以参考:Education is one of the keys words of 21^st century. A young man without an university education, many of us believe, will be deprived countless opportunities in many ways in his future). Thus getting university education is what most people(young people)
        (are) strive(striving,这里用进行时更好,语气更强) to (do). With a good education background people would find a satisfactory job more easily and would hardly have to experience the frustration resulted from the failure of job seeking(这里我自我纠正一下,job hunting可能比seeking好). Thus(重复了,用therefore和consequently都是可以的) some hold the opinion(告别opinions和nowadays这两个词,这里用perspectives) that getting university education is the most significant factor for success in one's life. Though the benefits of education is(应该用are) countless, from my perspective, university education is not so(这里用so的语气是明显不对的,应该用that,强调”不是那么的重要”) crutial(crucial) in the way of gaining(achieving) success.

A multitude of people live under the illusion that unless university persons(persons? Person怎么会有复数呢? 应该用people) (will) have no where to learn(acquire) knowledge. However, in my opinion(from my perspective/as far as I am concerned, 拜托,一定要告别in my opinion), it is not as that case at all and what they are thinking about is really far beyond me. University does provide students with a convenient and sound study atmosphere. People would learn knowledge systematically with the help of excellent teachers. But it is not the only paradize(paradise) to study. As many of us recognized nowadays(current) university sets too much course(too many courses) that are unlike to have any connection with students' daily life. Why do students have to complete all those useless courses only to gain enough credit is beyond me(这段已经用了2词beyond me,我的建议是:只用一次)？It is not only a waste(以后说waste的时候,就可以用dissipation/dissipate替换) of time but also a waste if energy(精力的说法是:vigor). For instance an art student has to learn much about math in one university in my hometown(最好是in our country). They put so much time on the abstruct functions and endless calculations that almost have no time to practise their painting. It is the unreasonable education system that becomes the obstacle of their approach to success.

To such a paramount reason, another must be added. In the way to success one has to gain a variety of skills as well as knowledge, say, communication skills, team work, a sense of responsibility and so on(最好用etc.代替and so on).  Only university education is, to a certain extent, far from enough. It is next to impossible that a person with merely a good university education background would gain success in his/her life. How to face difficulties and stick up to oneself is what a university can hardly teach the students. People would train themselves in the more sophisticated society rather than college. It is not rarely(首先,rarely是个副词,这里应该用rare,不过我建议用unfamiliar) to see a number of successful people without a sound(standard) university education.

To conclude, I am convinced that a university education background is far less than the most important factor for success in daily ilfe though it is very significant one. A multitude of factors influence success gaining thus it is only an all-sided(overall) development of oneself can finally leads(lead) to accomplishment.

拼写错误,单复数,动词的单复数的问题不少哟

hellohuijia

谢谢德克老师了，太感动了~~

以后一定注意拼写问题和单复数及动词时态，这么低级的错误，惭愧……

我这篇文章能得3分或者4分里比较低档的那类吗？

还有，我有时候总是没思路，比如这个"Topic；It is important to know every event happening around the world even if it is unlike to have any effect on your daily life." 就是写不下去，德克老师还有这里的战友们如果碰到这个题目打算怎么拓展思路写下去？感谢啦

德克的猪

我最近在研究ETS的评分标准

应该是可以得4分的吧，因为develop得不错，表达清楚，论述比较的充分

关于写不出东西，这是个常见的问题，我准备在我的iBT区中的连载中写一个专门解决构思的话题，你可以去看看

cdx2002

Write this topic ,please correct and remind me the mistakes,

thank you!

Topic：Do you agree with the following statement:Getting university education is the most important factor for success in daily life?

When my cousin and I had lunch together, he said,” you know, I would rather use my university fee to buy stocks, then I would earn three times of that!” I agreed,” I have spent 100 thousand Yuan to get university education.” In the sense of material success, we all look like a loser in the money game for we have spent too much money on receiving a degree than using them to make most profits. I fully understand why people suggest this question because in the modern world, lots tycoon even Bill Gates, the wealthiest man, have succeeded without university diplomas. I still wonder why so many young creative minds break their heads to go into the university’s door. University education is no longer the guarantee of the success.

 

University education is based on the human devotion of the knowledge rather than the so-called success with high status or good salary. Even nowadays, the campus still strives to keep its academic purity. But when we go to look at success in newspapers and magazines, we easily find those successful are either privileged or highly priced. So universities are not enable to promise that they would give you money or privilege to succeed.

  

On the otherwise, more factors like creative minds, persistence, and encouragement and so on besides university decides the success in daily life. Although some Medias predict that people from universities are easier obtaining success than uneducated people, it can’t give adequate evidence to support that university education is the most important factor for their success. Actually, as one analysis of Harvard alumni’s after-graduate life suggesting, the alumnis who have got the success have clearer work plan and job schedule than people who don’t succeed before they graduate.       

 

All in all, we should reconsider the importance of education recently. The compulsory education is necessary for everyone, but the success in daily life is no longer just base on you go to university and get degree. Success depends on your understanding of yourself and your goal in daily life.
                 

yetemwok

key word: a technical term, often for computing

catch word: a fashionable word or phrase popular at present

girlhunter

a  好帖

guolinwen

总的说来 斑竹 的修改 十分到位，功力匪浅。通过复习这些个斑竹的修改，真是学了很多。

我在此加了一些值得商榷的部分，只是为了应一句老话：文章都是改出来的。班门弄斧而已。

Currently people put(focus肯定比put好) more attention on education(这个开头太平淡了,而且currently这样表示<现今>的词,最好不要出现在开头,这里可以参考:Education is one of the keys words of 21^st century. A young man without an(education is uncountable. Anyway, 'a' should be added before univ.) university education college education, many of us believe, will be deprived of countless opportunities in many ways in his future). Thus getting university education college education is what most people(young people)
  (are) strive(striving,这里用进行时更好,语气更强) to (do). With a good education background (well educated) people would find a satisfactory job more easily and would hardly have to experience (hardly experience)
   the frustration resulted from the failure of job seeking(frustrations and failures in job hunting)(这里我自我纠正一下,job hunting可能比seeking好). Thus (重复了,用therefore和consequently都是可以的) some hold the opinion(告别opinions和nowadays这两个词,这里用perspectives; why? i can see the diff.) that getting university education is the most significant factor for success in one's life. Though the benefits of education is(应该用are) countless, from my perspective, university education is not so(这里用so的语气是明显不对的,应该用that,强调”不是那么的重要”) crutial(crucial) in the way of gaining(achieving) success.

[此贴子已经被作者于2008-1-24 7:09:43编辑过]