第二篇文章，请德克的猪猛拍。。。

toleoring

请拍吧。。

背了替换 看了NN德克的猪的3篇修改后写的第一篇文章。。确实学到了东西。

依然计时

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
The best things in life do not cost money.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
    

Currently, a multitude of people hold their opinion that they can grab nothing related to happiness without spending money. To be honest, we cannot live without money-we must pay for food; in order to study, we have to pay for tuition; we spend money on socialization, etc. From my perspective, however, the best thing in life has nothing to do with handing out bills.

To some degree, one of the most significant things in life is some certain moments somehow. Let's suppose: high school students get excited when they receive the admission from the university in which they attempt to spend four-year college life; couples in love feel they will not be more pleasing than they are at the moment to get married. See, can we find any shape of dollars in these happy moments? Hardly.

Furthermore, some of the people feel nice when they make money other than costing. Virtually, I am one of them. When I received salary from my first part-time job, I felt nothing could be more impressive than that. To a certain extent, it is the feel of success, or the feel of confidence, but not the money itself, makes me feel pleasant.

Beside that, the best experience of life is to get together with family from my viewpoint. After the whole long and formidable working day, the only place I can get a sense of serene is nowhere but home-free talking with my parents, sitting with the whole family together to watch a humorous TV show, etc. I can seize such a good feeling without costing a dollar.

Although some people still live under the illusion that spending money is the unique avenue to get happiness, I can get all the best things in life as which I consider without costing even one coin.

德克的猪

Currently(currently是一个好词，但是我一直都不建议用<现如今>这个概念开头,因为很多的模版作文就是用这个开头的-阅卷人看到currently或者at present这类的词就会情不自禁的将其和模版作文联系起来.为了避免误伤,我建议你开头不用这个), a multitude of people hold their opinion that they can grab nothing related to happiness without spending money(spending money其实是一个固定的概念:零花钱,这里可以改为:without the help of money). To be honest(这里同时也可以说:From an objective perspective,客观的说), we cannot live(鉴于你前面已经出现了can这个词,这里可以说:it is next to impossible to live, 当要表示<不能>时,尽量不用cannot,因为cannot太平庸,同时我也不太建议用can, must, should这3个词) without money-we must(have to) pay for food(some basic needs); in order to study, we have to pay for tuition(have no choice but to tolerate the outrageous tuition); we spend money on socialization, etc. From my perspective, however, the best things in life have nothing to do with handing out bills.

To some degree, one of the most significant things in life is some certain moments somehow. Let's(将let’s分开et us) suppose: high school students get excited when they receive the admission from the university in which they attempt to spend their four-year-long college life; couples in love feel they will not be more pleasing(pleasant) than they are at the moment to get married. See, can we find any shape of dollars in these happy moments? Hardly(Scarcely).

Furthermore, some of the people feel nice when they make money other than costing(someone cost money这种说法是不正确的,所以这里不可以这样用,就用spending吧). Virtually(As a matter of fact也可以用来表示virtually,以后遇到可以替换), I am one of them. When I received salary from my first part-time job, I felt nothing could be more impressive than that. To a certain extent, it is the feel of success, or the feel of confidence, but not the money itself, makes me feel pleasant(buoyant).

Beside that, the best experience of life is to get together with family from my viewpoint. After the whole long and formidable(tedious更好) working day, the only place I can get a sense of serene is nowhere(用得好!) but home-free talking(chats) with my parents while enjoying a cup of tea, sitting with the whole family together to watch a humorous TV show, etc. I can(do) seize such a good feeling without costing a dollar(any buck).

Although some people still live under the illusion that spending money is the unique avenue to get happiness, I can get all the best things in life(that life can offer) as which I consider without costing(sth costs some money,人做主语,应该是不能用cost的) even one coin.

 

整篇文章还是很不错,但是感觉你使用的概念重复得比较的多:尤其是feel和<花钱>的表达形式稍微单一了一点.我这是做了小的改动.这样的文章还是有很大的可能得高分的.

toleoring

谢谢。

恩，看来还是词穷，还得加倍继续努力。。。

德克的猪

这里是写作时扩大词汇的方法：

1.将熟悉的意思或者你想要知道的意思输入 金山词霸， 然后你会得到一串的单词。

2.将这些单词输入更高级的词典：Collins Cobuild或者Oxford Advanced Learner's Dictionary，认真看里边的解释，然后选择最适用于语境的词汇用在作文中。

3.记住这些替换。

（Collins Cobuild的第五版和OALD的第七版在eMule上都是可以下到的，我个人更倾向于适用Collins Cobuild，因为它操作简单，解释准确，而且有word bank,对于TOEFL写作而言，Collins Cobuild完全足够了）

toleoring

原来如此。再次感谢。

对了，我现在用的是LONGMAN contemporary的电子版，没有必要换成Collins Cobuild？

德克的猪

是带例句配音和有很多图片的那种吗？

如果是，那就没有必要了，因为Longman的那种词典功能很强大，不过你也可以试一试Collins Cobuild

toleoring

对，就是那种。好的，谢谢。^_^