为什么要建电影院，zdlukeluck老师修改

seamoon8

1.         It has recently been announced that a new movie theater may be built in your neighborhood. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

A new theater is the natural progression of a developing a thriving neighborhood. It signals that my neighborhood is a successful in reaching a certain level in its development of new homes and housing units, and it is expected to grow . This is because the movie theatre’s developers will have carried out detailed analyses of the past, current and projected future growth rates of the neighborhood, before they will deem it financially viable and attractive to build a movie theatre including the facility.

 

One of the notable characteristics of the proposed theater is that it would provide new jobs for the people living in the area and contribute to the existing tax base of the community, enabling new schools and improved roads. Matching the rapidly increased community revenue after the running of the proposed movie theatre is a mass of people, from both my community and the others to the theatre. Many cities, such as XX and XXX, prosper much more than before since they build a new movie theatre. Anything that increases jobs and raises the economic activity of a community is good for everyone who lives there, adding to the quality of life and increasing the value of their property.

 

Another benefit in having a movie theatre in the neighborhood is the convenience it provides. One is able to watch the latest hit movies easily and quickly, without needing to make a long drive into the city. Or, maybe one could even walk to the theater. The latter is particularly convenient for adolescents and teenagers who are not yet driving, and can simply walk to the movie with their friends, without needing their parents to act as chauffeurs, driving them there and picking them up. has always been a mystery to me that the  dwellers, who appreciate the film, obstinately pretend that they would prefer to go to the cinema via a two-hour journey by themselves or by public transportation even more.

 

Some people claimed that the main disadvantage and negative mould be if the factory caused any pollution, whether in the air or in the water. However sound the arguments may be, they only skim the surface of the problem. The alleged point is , of course, preventable , so the disadvantages can be minimized or perhaps eliminated altogether. When the advantages and disadvantages of the building of a new theatre carefully compared, the most striking finding is self-evident

 

Judging from all the evidence offered, we may safely come to the conclusion that an attractive, well planned, well managed movie theater in one;s neighborhood provides an additional choice of place to go for the taxes, whether for the nations ,or my city to reinvest on something which benefits for the my community. Additionally, it allows the residents in the community the ability to see the latest movies releases conviently, without needing to travel a long distance. Both of these benefit the residents of the community.

 

 写的时候就发现例子怎么弄都心里不顺，文中的XX and XXX处等指导 要研究一下例子怎么举例的问题，

目前已知错误，开头没有明确观点，中间论证理由牵强，

等德克猪修改贴上后，偶再研究，重写．

这一篇德克猪有写过，很好，大家可以参考学习滴，

见：http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=68&ID=246910&page=1

zdlukeluck

A new theater is the natural progression of a developing a thriving neighborhood. It signals that my neighborhood is a successful in reaching a certain level in its development of new homes and housing units, and it is expected to grow . This is because the movie theatre’s developers will have carried out detailed analyses of the past, current and projected future growth rates of the neighborhood, before they will deem it financially viable and attractive to build a movie theatre including the facility.（没有用的一段，你需要重新开个头）

 

One of the notable characteristics of the proposed theater is that it would provide new jobs(employment opportunities ) for the people living in the area and contribute to the existing tax base of the community, enabling new schools and improved roads(一个movie theater可以提供的税对于improve the roads 和 enable new schools简直是杯水车薪，建议不要用不合适的例子). Matching the rapidly increased community revenue after the running of the proposed movie theatre is a mass of people, from both my community and the others to the theatre.(有例子是好的,但是例子一定不可以牵强,不然适得其反)

 

Many cities, such as XX and XXX, prosper much more than before since they build a new movie theatre. Anything that increases jobs and raises the economic activity of a community is good for everyone who lives there, adding to the quality of life and increasing the value of their property. (删去)

 

Another benefit(merit) in having(setting up) a movie theatre in the neighborhood is the convenience it provides. One is able to watch the latest hit movies easily and quickly, without needing to make(needing to make这里删去) a long drive into the city（downtown）. Or, maybe one could even walk to the theater（Or, maybe one could even walk to the theater太拖沓，可以不要，直接说：The movie theater is actually one or two minutes walk away）. The latter is particularly convenient for adolescents and teenagers（adolescents和teenagers有概念的重复，这里建议用teenagers） who are not yet driving(have not been qualified in driving), and can simply walk to the movie with their friends, without needing(without needing这个概念基本不用，就是一个without就可以了) their parents to act as chauffeurs, driving them there and picking them up（这里罗唆了）. It has always been a mystery to me that the  dwellers, who appreciate the film, obstinately pretend that they would prefer to go to the cinema via a two-hour journey by themselves or by public transportation even more.(好句子是可以用，但是千万不能生搬硬套，毕竟没有人会愿意开两个小时的车去看电影，所以在这里用这个句子是不合适的，不然会显得很不逻辑，这里可以写：We could be saved so much misery and expense if a movie theater were to be built. )

 

Some people claimed that the main disadvantage and negative mould be if the factory caused any pollution, whether in the air or in the water(为什么要把factory扯进来?). However sound the arguments may be, they only skim the surface of the problem. The alleged point is , of course, preventable , so the disadvantages can be minimized or perhaps eliminated altogether. When the advantages and disadvantages of the building of a new theatre carefully compared, the most striking finding is self-evident(这又是一段没有实质的话.你应该说: Some might highlight and magnify the defects of a movie theater-it might trigger some problems, say, the increasing of noise, a bigger crowd current. However, in an overall concern, its potent and tangible merits will indubitably cover those minor pitfalls-nothing can be more pleasant than saving two hours driving time!)

 

Judging from all the evidence offered, we may safely come to the conclusion that an attractive, well planned and managed movie theater in one’s neighborhood provides an additional choice of place to go for the taxes, whether for the nations ,or my city(在TOEFL写作中,千万不要出现对国家对人民有利的这样的概念,ETS的人很讨厌那些一天都说大道理的中国学生,这里你就说对你的neighborhood里边的居民有好处就可以了) to reinvest on something which benefits for the my community. Additionally, it allows the residents in the community the ability(possibility,如果用ability,人家会认为neighborhood里边的人有毛病,连看电影的能力都没有) to see the latest movies releases conviently, without needing to travel a long distance(without covering a long distance). Both of these benefit the residents of the community.

camus

受教了。。。

rio

最后一段居然说到电影院对国家的影响确实有点夸张

除非是在朝鲜建一座好莱坞影城。。。

seamoon8

以下是引用rio在2007-5-21 16:29:00的发言：

最后一段居然说到电影院对国家的影响确实有点夸张

除非是在朝鲜建一座好莱坞影城。。。

哈哈哈，谢谢rio版版的妙解．

rio这两句话短短几个字，偶对偶作文犯的这个大错误印象太深刻了．偶自已都觉得好笑，

这个作文偶是东抄抄，西看看弄出来的，当时写的时候偶是想着得用万能理由，看到一个例文是写建一个购物中心能交多少税，能挣多少钱，偶就想这个好，只要是要新盖个什么都能用上，偶一定是脑壳坏了．

现在偶准备换三个理由

１　就业问题，这个好，只要是盖个什么东东就得招人吧，所以哪怕是个小吃店也能招个伙计呢

２　方便，家边上有个什么，总之是方便，不用跑远路了

２　快乐，轻松，娱乐往这个靠

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-5-22 6:20:31编辑过]

seamoon8

Some people claimed that the main disadvantage and negative mould be if the factory caused any pollution, whether in the air or in the water(为什么要把factory扯进来?).
            

这儿是偶抄的，偶忘记把factory改成movie theatre了，汗哪．

检讨，看来得思考一下自已检查的时候做了什么了，理论上，偶是想检查拼写，大小写，句子主谓搭配来着．

问问大家，检查的时候都检查些什么呢？

rio

检查主要就是拼写错误

zdlukeluck

还有主谓是否一致,a/an的使用是否正确,是否漏掉介词,表意是否清晰,是否有过多的重复