还几天就考了~请拍！！~

huxideya

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

 

 

Boys and girls should be educated in separate classrooms using different teaching techniques.

 

 

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

 

 

 

 

Recently, the issue of "whether boys and girls should or not be educated in separate classrooms using different teaching techniques" has been in the limelight. The majority people believe that boys and girls should be taught in separate classrooms using totally diverse teaching techniques while other people hold the opposite opinion, they think children should be educated in the same class; teachers don't have to use different skills to teach them.

 

 

People who hold the former opinion insist that the remarkable differences between girls and boys should not be overlooked, thus both learning materials and way of teaching should be used separately in both genders. Nevertheless, people who hold the latter idea think that a school is not just a studying place but a place for communication, here girls and boys can talk to each other and enjoy the team work together. As far as I am concerned, there is some validity to both points of view and it is tempting to agree, in the end, I still feel that boys and girls should be trained in separate classrooms but teachers ought to use varied methods to teach them.

 

 

On the one hand, only when each boy or girl stay and study together can the whole school society come together as a harmonious unit. To tell the truth, the best way of education lies in communication. Thus, if children are educated in separate classrooms, they will definitely loose opportunities to talk and learn with an opposite sex, may be in the future, they will be less competitive in dealing with human relationship wholly in the consequence of lack of communication with a different gender. Furthermore, they may miss a wonderful feeling to have a lovely desk mate. As I see, the touched memory of my school life is such a sweet thing that I will always treasure for I had a charming desk mate while I was in high school and who later became my boyfriend.

 

 

On the other hand, boys and girls indeed have different personalities and behaviors. Teachers should create unique ways to train them according to their sexual distinction. For instance, boys are often naughtier than girls and girls are more vulnerable than boys, so when both a boy and a girl do something wrong, teachers should use different manners of speaking to treat them. They can tell the boy that he fails to set a good example to his brother or sister in order to make him know it is of great importance to own responsibility as a man. At the same time, they can tell the girl that she fails to be a wonderful lady, and then the girl will realize the significance to have self-respect as a woman.   

 

 

Taking into account all the factors, I unshakably draw the conclusion that boys and girls should not be educated in separate classrooms but teachers should use varied methods to teach them for the significance of communication and their different personalities and characteristics.

[此贴子已经被作者于2007-5-15 18:43:24编辑过]

huxideya

请问有人能说点什么？？

 

 

zdlukeluck

写得不怎么样呀~!

fanyf06

我觉得写的不错

赞一个

huxideya

能否具体指出~达人~

我就这点水平~临上考场磨磨枪枪~

有时间的话请指教一二~

zdlukeluck

Recently, the issue of "whether boys and girls should or not be educated in separate classrooms using different teaching techniques" has been in the limelight（limelight是个不错的用法,但是正如我不厌其烦的重复的:开头最好不要重复主题）. The majority people(mainstream在这个更好) believe that boys and girls should be taught in separate classrooms using totally diverse teaching techniques while other people hold the opposite opinion, they think(最好不要出现think这样太常见的词汇,deem可以替换它) children should be educated in the same class; teachers don't(不要用缩写,简写) have to use different skills to teach them. (第一段的表达比较的初级,但是还是比较清楚的)

 

People who hold the former opinion insist that the remarkable differences between girls and boys should not be overlooked(不错不错,不过ignore似乎更好), thus both learning materials and way of teaching should be used separately in both genders. Nevertheless, people who hold the latter idea(这里出现了用词的重复,hold你用了两次,第二次可以改为espouse=agree with) think(believe) that a school is not just a studying place(a place merely for study) but a place(one) for communication, here(where) girls and boys can talk to each other and enjoy the team work together. As far as I am concerned, there is some validity(validity似乎太严重了点,这里建议使用merit, advantage的等意替换词) to both points of view(point of view和opinion这两个词使用太频繁了,其实表达意见和看法的最佳词是perspective) and it is tempting to agree(你这里是要表达什么意思?), in the end(in the end of the day可以用来表示最后,但是这里不是文章的末尾,使用in the end这个概念楼主要慎用), I still feel that boys and girls should be trained in separate classrooms but teachers ought to use varied methods to teach them.
            

 

On the one hand(For one thing比on the one hand来得好一些), only when each boy or girl stay and study together can the whole school society(community应该更恰当) come together as a harmonious unit. To tell the truth, the best way(因为way这个词被使用得太多,所以我建议使用avenue来代替) of education lies in communication. Thus(最好在一篇文章中不要出现相同的两个表意词,其实therefore和hence也都是不错的选择呀), if children are educated in separate classrooms, they will definitely(inevitably不可避免的, definitely这个词在口语中我建议使用,但是写作中最好避免,一是因为用它的人太多了,二是它的语气太强了) lose opportunities to talk and learn with an opposite sex, may be in the future, they will be less competitive in dealing with human relationship wholly in the consequence of lack of communication with a different gender. Furthermore, they may miss a wonderful feeling to have a lovely desk mate. As I see, the touched memory of my school life is such a sweet thing that I will always treasure for I had a charming desk mate while I was in high school and who later became my boyfriend. (这里没有改动不是因为没有问题,而是这里你根本没有反对你不支持的一方面,这样写真的太危险了,这几乎是起负作用的一段!)

 

On the other hand, boys and girls indeed have different personalities(ideologies,意识形态在这里用再合适不过了) and behaviors. Teachers should(其实should是一个应该避免使用的词汇,因为ETS的阅卷人说过,中国学生太喜好用should, must这类的词汇,给人的感觉就是你在说教) create unique(unique这个词用的不错,因为unique也的确有一对一这个概念) ways to train(train这个词专门指训练技巧,这里似乎不太合适) them according to their sexual distinction. For instance(To give a demonstration), boys are often naughtier than girls and girls are more vulnerable than boys, so(consequently,以后你想要写so的时候,最好停下来,写consequently或者accordingly) when both a boy and a girl do something wrong, teachers should use different manners of speaking(methods就是口语了) to treat them. They can tell the boy that he fails (failed)to set a good example(model) to his (younger) brother or sister in order to make him know it is of great importance to own responsibility as a man. At the same time, they can tell the girl that she fails to be a wonderful(graceful and elegant) lady, and then the girl will realize the significance to have self-respect as a woman.(又是用词的重复,fail to do是个好短语,可惜最好只用一次.这里可以用did not act as)

 (你这样写是很危险的,从整体上来看,你两个方面的论证的字数的差不多,力度也差不多,没有一个特别的偏重,以后写作文一定要注意这点.你要支持的你就使劲的支持,不支持可以举它的一个优点,但是同时要用一大堆的缺点来否定它.)

Taking into account all the factors, I unshakably draw the conclusion that boys and girls should not be educated in separate classrooms but teachers should use varied methods to teach them for the significance of communication and their different personalities and characteristics.

(最后一段你怎么有说should not be educated in separate classroom, 你在前面明明是写的I still feel that boys and girls should be trained in separate classrooms

如果你在考试中前后矛盾的进行写作,得个十来分不是不可能的哟)

 

Well anyway, 你的用词重复太多,怎么解决呢?肯定是背我每天更新的词汇替换,我给的改的词很多都来自于那里.

 

还有就是你写作不可以前后矛盾,你需要坚定一个观点,永远不要中立!

huxideya

辛苦！！谢谢~~很受用~