跪求达人修改作文

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Nowadays, many university students have been granted the right to choose at least part of their classes; this is a beneficial transformation for both the professor and the students. On professors’ the part, this new system urge them to improve their quality of teaching or they will out of business in that no students will choose the class he\she taught. On students’ part, they can choose classes according to their interests, personal learning ability, and career plan. Nevertheless, this system also poses another worrying problem that students might only choose pushover classes and dodge the high-demanding ones. Should grade rather than knowledge they will gain at the end of the semester be the top concern when students decide which classes to take? I as far as I am concerned, the answer to the above question is “no, it shouldn’t”.

 

Admittedly, grades are of vital importance to every student, given the daunting competitions faced by today’s college students. With the ever-increasing tuitions, the top grades can secure an individual’s chance to get a scholarship, which will greatly relive the student’s financial burden and allow he\she to devote more time to pursue academic excellence instead of taking part-time jobs. Moreover, if a student is intended to apply to a graduate school after getting his\her bachelor’s degree, a record of good grades is invariable a must to get admitted by a prestigious grads school. The usefulness of a record of presentable grades will not be any less when the newly graduate try to land a well-paid job with a multinational corporation. All the above cases, with no exception, demonstrate the necessity to keep top grades, which seem to justify the facts that the bulk of the students stay away from the classes, in which to get the top grades looks missions impossible.

 

While the incentives to keep a good GPA are understandable and acceptable, top grade is definitely not the sole goal, which we strive to achieve in our university years. The knowledge and skills we acquired through the classes, especially those challenging ones, will benefit us in the long run. A challenging class is an adversity; however, we should not fail to realize that we are likely to reap more from a class which is no pushover , as Henry Ford put it, “in every adversity, there is a chance to grow”.

For example, the statistics has always been ranked number one on the charts of “must avoided optional classes” in my department, which is prepared students to become tomorrow journalists. Though mathematics had never been easy for me, I chose statistics in my sophomore year anyway for I knew that statistics could be an indispensable tool in analyzing raw data collected. I was forced to cut back my other social activities and attended after-class study group during that semester since I had a hard time to figure out what was taught in my statistics class. Despite all my hard working, I only got a B in the end. However, in retrospect, my decision to take statistics was nothing but right for the statistics had proved to be very useful in my daily work as a journalist.  

 

In sum, while there are legitimate reasons for those who take a less demanding class to ensure a good grade, we shouldn’t have such a myopic focus since challenging class are proved to be more useful in the long run and we need something challenging to make our university years more interesting and unforgettable.

contactxixi

请大家不吝赐教~!!

zdlukeluck

说真话，这篇写得真的不怎么样，我尝试修改，但因为要改的地方太多，所以我放弃了，楼主你要加油哟

zdlukeluck

Nowadays (nowadays已经是很过时的用法了,建议使用Currently或者at present), many (这些小的地方也是可以注意改动的many可以换成a multitude of) university students have been granted the right to(这里使用错误,应该是the right is granted to students, 这是很正式的用法) choose at least part of their classes(这里用courses表达课程,应该会更准确); this is a beneficial transformation for both the professor (professors) and the students. On professors’ the part, this new system urge them to improve their quality of teaching or they will (be) out of business in that (for the simple reason that) no students will choose the class he\she(s/he) taught(gives). On students’ part(to those students, 尽量避免重复), they can choose classes(course) according to their interests, personal learning ability (capability更好,因为所有人都用ability), and career plan (plans). Nevertheless, this system also poses (这里可以用trigger a problem, 这是引发的比较地道的说法,是可以显示出写作水平的词汇) another worrying(perturbing更好) problem that students might only choose pushover  (楼主在这里用了俚语,用俚语需要慎重, effortless应该更好) classes and dodge(这里用shun更好,因为shun可以更准确的表现出有意的躲闪,而dodge的意思和楼主要表达的意思实际上不一致的) the high-demanding ones. Should grade rather than knowledge they will gain at the end of the semester be the top concern(take the priority) when students decide which classes(courses) to take? I as far as I am concerned, the answer to the above question(questions) is “no, it shouldn’t”. (it指代的什么??)

 

Admittedly(这是用烂的词,这里可以用indubitably无庸置疑替代), grades are of vital importance(vital和importance概念有重复,这里可以用indispensable替代) to every student, given the daunting(这里用的并不太好,可以用formidable替换,也可以用fierce,激烈) competitions faced by today’s college students(这句话很不通顺,建议后面的条件提前). With the ever(用invariably)-increasing tuitions, the(不用the) top grades can(最好避免用can,这里可以替换为might)
            ,to a certain extent, secure(guarantee)
            an individual’s chance to get(receive) a scholarship, which will greatly relive(lighten和burden对应) student’s financial burden and allow he\she(s/he) to devote more time to pursue academic excellence instead of taking part-time jobs. Moreover, if a student is intended to apply to a graduate school after getting his\her bachelor’s degree, a record of good grades is invariable a must to get admitted by a prestigious grads school. The usefulness of a record of presentable grades will not be any less when the newly graduate try to land a well-paid job with a multinational corporation. All the above cases, with no exception, demonstrate the necessity to keep top grades, which seem to justify the facts that the bulk of the students stay away from the classes, in which to get the top grades looks missions impossible. (这部分真是写得让我无法下笔修改,所有我进行的重写: To such concerns, another one must be added. Academic report invariably plays a cardinal role in job seeking. Let us suppose that, a young man who has just graduated from university with a pathetically low grade attempts to be employed by a big company. Unfortunately, he has to face those who are excellent in their study and have received amazingly highly comments on their academic accomplishments from professors. Undoubtedly, he will inevitably experience the frustration resulted from the failure of job seeking. One with a low grade is really fragile in the fierce, or to be more accurate, brutal competition in modern society.)

 

While the incentives to keep a good GPA are understandable and acceptable, top grade is definitely not the sole(unique) goal, which we strive(终于看到一个出色的用词了) to achieve in our university years(in the duration of our university time). The knowledge and skills we acquired through the classes, especially those challenging ones, will benefit us in the long run. A challenging class is an adversity; however, we should not fail to realize that we are likely to reap more from a class which is no pushover (Such courses are, to some degree, difficult to cope with. As a matter of fact, it is adverse circumstance that stimulates us to improve our capacity and develop those astonishing potential), (Just) as Henry Ford put it, “in every adversity, there is a chance to grow”.

For example(要想得高分,就最好不要用for example或者for instance), the statistics has always been ranked number one on the charts of
        “must avoided optional classes”(the must-avoid optional classes外国人一般这样用) in my department, which is prepared students to become tomorrow journalists(这句话比较难理解,但是has always been后面一般接进行时). Though mathematics had never been easy for me, I chose statistics in my sophomore year anyway for I knew that statistics could be an indispensable tool in analyzing raw data. I was forced to cut back my other social activities and attended after-class study group during that semester since I had a hard(tough) time to figure out what was taught in my statistics class. Despite all my hard working(In spite of all the endeavor I have made), I only got a B in the end. However, in retrospect, my decision to take statistics was nothing but right for the statistics had proved to be very useful in my daily work as a journalist. (勉勉强强的一段,语法错误较少.但是nothing but在这里用似乎语气不对.) 

 

In sum, while there are legitimate reasons for those who take a less demanding class to ensure a good grade, we shouldn’t have such a myopic focus since challenging class are proved to be more useful in the long run(不要重复,in the coming days) and we need something challenging to make our university years more interesting and unforgettable. (结尾也比较一般)

 

这是一篇有很多问题的文章.

1.       论述不清楚.作者想说有些困难的学科也要学,但是却用了大量的篇幅写了些表意不清晰的话.

2.       作者的语法基础不好,有很多不应该出现的错误.

3.       用词的重复很严重.

4.       作者尝试用高级的句型,但是往往出错.

5.       作者连模版都没有学习应用好.

6.       作者多次出现用词不准确,很显然,文章中的词汇是查的低级的字典,而非出自作者的大脑

7.       拖沓,语言缺乏力度.

 

改进的办法

1.       如果作者在近期要考TOEFL的话,那应该赶快去背TWE185.作者的作文水平在3分上下.

2.       如果作者还有比较多的时间来准备考试,那应该准备新概念3和4.新概念的文章很好,作者最好可以背下来.

3.       作者的语法错误比较大,最好自学一下语法.

 

我的语言比较直率,但是也是为楼主好.

You’ve got a long way to go

joysource

这篇文章结构还是清楚的，可以得4分

zdlukeluck

结构好只是一小部分

dreamhaha

zdlukeluck的修改都看。

huxideya

看了很受用~谢谢