(AI5)平生第一篇英语作文，请大家帮忙看看。还有9天考试

rio

先说一句，太短了吧

rio

In practice, faced with dilemma whether one person’s achievements are more important than any of his or her personal faults or one’s faults are more important than his or her achievements（not）, different people hold different views because of their distinct backgrounds. As far as I am concerned, I believe that this issue is complex and controversial what has not universal answer. Under different conditions, we can draw the distinct conclusions. I assume that the most important judgment standard is the social influence taking by person’s achievement or faults.

 

Admittedly, no one can sure that he does not make any mistake in his whole life. So we can not negate a person’s achievement because of his or her personal faults. Likewise, we can not ignore a person’s error because of his or her achievements. For example, Mao, who released (liberated) Chinese from aggression of other nations and became the first president (chairman) of new Chinese, made more serious mistakes such as “great culture revolution”, which brought huge disease(disaster) to hundreds and thousands of people. Examining the faults and achievement of Mao, we hardly do not reach the conclusion that his achievements are more important than any his of faults. Are his faults more important than his achievements? I also do not conclude this issue.

 

Instead, when it comes to which one is more important, greatness or fault, the more appropriate standard is the social influence, the benefit drawn from person’s achievements and the disease taking from a person’s error. If the benefit drawn from a person’s achievement is greater than the disease taking from person’s error, we can point out that person’s greatness is more important than his or her fault. The same example discussed above, Mao, may be found in the case that judging the social influence of his greatness and fault we can assert that his achievement and error are equally important. (这一段语言太单调)

 

Given the reasons discussed above, we may safely reach the conclusion that we should evaluate a person by considering both of the faults or the achievements rather than by claiming one of them.

 

kitebird

多谢版主

好多低级错误：（

还有第三段“语言太单调”版主是说我阐述的内容太单调，还是句型使用太单调了？

kitebird

第三篇，用了2个小时左右。算进步吧，只是离半个小时还是太远：（

87. “As technologies and the demand for certain services change, many workers will lose their jobs. The responsibility for those people to adjust to such change should belong to the individual worker, not to government or to business.”

“当某项特定服务的技术和需求改变时，很多工人将失业。适应这种改变的责任属于每个工人而不是政府或企业。”

Who should response for worker’s losing jobs because of the changes of the technologies and the demand for certain services? Different people hold different views due to their distinct stand. Some people assert that the responsibility for these people who lose their jobs to adjust to such change should belong to the individual worker rather than to government or to business. Unfortunately, I could not agree with them. As far as I am concerned, I believed that both individual, government and business have equal duty that let workers to adjust to such change.

Admittedly, no one can obstruct social development. As social developing, technologies and the demand for certain services change more and more. If someone does not hold such technology and suit the demand, he or she will lose his/her job. What a pity for everyone! Thomas Middleton, British writer, said that never too old to learn. To keep social developing and avoid out of  technology changes, everyone should study in whole life

Furthermore, too many unemployed people may shank social steadily and give negative influence to business. Hence, both government and business also have equal duty that let workers to adjust to such change. On the one hand, business should organize some training about new technology for workers rather than discard all person because operating new technology also need workers. Contrast with compensating worker, training worker is more economic method.

On the other hand, government also has the responsibility for those people to adjust to such change. Firstly, government can give insurance for unemployment to solve in part the economical problem of those unemployed family. In additional, government can organize regularly training, being different from business, that refer to new trend of certain service. Furthermore, to encourage people form the business himself, government can make some policy that advantage those unemployed person, the benefit that includes prolonging the time of returning money , reducing the mortgage value and so on. All behavior will not only help those unemployed people but also improve economical development.

In sum, given the reasons discussed above, we can make a more convincing conclusion by both of them than by one of them. Hence, we can safely reach the conclusion that both individual , government and business have equal duty that let workers to adjust to such change that be occurred by new technology and new demand for certain service.

rio

以下是引用kitebird在2007-4-16 9:54:00的发言：

多谢版主

好多低级错误：（

还有第三段“语言太单调”版主是说我阐述的内容太单调，还是句型使用太单调了？

both

rio

Who should response for worker’s losing jobs because of the changes of the technologies and the demand for certain services? Different people hold different views due to their distinct stand. Some people assert that the responsibility for these people who lose their jobs（fail）
            to adjust to such changes should belong to the individual worker rather than to government or to business. Unfortunately, I could not agree with them. As far as I am concerned, I believed that both(删去) individual, government and business have equal duty that let workers to adjust to such change.

 

Admittedly, no one can obstruct social development. As social developing（society develops）, technologies and the demand for certain services change more and more. If someone does not hold such technology and suit the demand, he or she will lose his/her job. What a pity for everyone! Thomas Middleton, British writer, said that never too old to learn. To keep social developing and avoid out of technology changes(To keep pace with developing society and changing technologies), everyone should study in whole life

 

Furthermore, too many unemployed people may shank social steadily and give negative influence to business. Hence, both government and business also have equal duty that let workers to adjust to such change. On the one hand, business should organize some training about new technology for workers rather than discard all person because operating new technology also need workers. Contrast with compensating worker, training worker is a more economic method.

 

On the other hand, government also has the responsibility for those people to adjust to such change. Firstly, government can give insurance for unemployment to solve in part the economical problem of those unemployed family. In additional(addition), government can organize regularly(regular) training, being different from business, that refer to new trend of certain service. Furthermore, to encourage people form the(to start their own) business himself, government can make some policy that advantage those unemployed person, the benefit that includes prolonging the time of returning money , reducing the mortgage value and so on. All behavior will not only help those unemployed people but also improve economical（economic） development.

 

In sum, given the reasons discussed above, we can make a more convincing conclusion by both of them than by one of them.(这句话其实没有实际意义，除非你写得更具体) Hence, we can safely reach the conclusion that both individual, government and business have equal duty that let workers to adjust to such change that be occurred by new technology and new demand for certain service.

注意单复数。

同一个表达不要用得太多。

你每写一篇都可以找相应的范文对照，看某些表达怎么说。实在不行就记一些常用的，比如科技和生活的关系，个人与社会这些都是经常可以扯到的话题。

kitebird

谢谢.

也看过范文,总是觉得跟自己的思路差太远了.

我今晚去看范文先

kitebird

嘻嘻，看了范文，结果还是写出了一篇跟范文截然相反的：（

真不知道是不是我思路怪异。

最后一篇AI，再这么写下去，80就看不完了。

In practice, faced with the dilemma which one is the main provider of individual opportunity in our society, education or money? Different people hold different views because of their distinct stand and experience. Some people assume that education is so important that become the main provider of individual opportunity in our society. As far as I am concerned, I believe that property and education are equally important for one’s success in life. My assumption will be greatly substantiated by the following discussion.

Admittedly, no one can deny the basic fact that education has become more and more significant as the provider of person’s opportunity. There is nothing can be better than education in providing us with all kinds of knowledge and skills demanded in our job and life. However, this alone dose not constitute a sufficient support to claim that property and money are not the main element factor of individual chance of success.

Instead, we have to be faced with the reluctant fact that property and money can provide the opportunity of receiving education in some condition. Actually, the information that I have noticed over last few years leads me to point out that a lot of people, especially the poorest people who live in the lowest live standard in our social, may suffer the dilemma that give up the opportunity of education because of lacking the tuition. These people all are want to study to change their life and also understand that education is the key element to ensure success in life. In such condition, property and money have become the necessary factor.

Furthermore , education can teach us the all kinds of knowledge and skills from books rather than the experience and common sense to solve every problem in our life, the latter that also are important factor to ensure success. After leaving school, we will undergo all kinds of question, many of which are out of books. To catch success, we must solve these problems by using our experience and common sense collected from our whole life. The essential property, but not abounding wealth , can improve us to collect all kinds of experience.

In sum, given the reasons mentioned above, we can safely draw the conclusion that education is probably the main factor in opening doors to success for a lot of young people, but property and money are also equally important keys to success for the poor who have not enough money for tuition and increasing the additional experience that is different from knowledge from the books.

rio

In practice, faced with the dilemma which one is the main provider of individual opportunity in our society, education or money? Different people hold different views because of their distinct stand and experience. Some people assume that education is so important that it becomes the main provider of individual opportunity in our society. As far as I am concerned, I believe that property and education are equally important for one’s success in life. My assumption will be greatly substantiated by the following discussion.

 

Admittedly, no one can deny the basic fact that education has become more and more significant as the provider of person’s opportunity. There is nothing can be better than education in providing us with all kinds of knowledge and skills demanded in our job and life. （这句话如果不延展说一下，等于没说。你可以举例说中国拼命学习要上学，要去美国，不就是为了获得知识和技能？可以多写30-50个字）However, this alone dose not constitute a sufficient support to claim that property and money are not the main element factor of individual chance of success.

 

Instead, we have to be faced with（face） the reluctant fact that property and money can provide the opportunity of receiving education in some condition. Actually, the information that I have noticed over last few years leads me to point out that a lot of people, especially the poorest people who live in the lowest live standard in our social, may suffer the dilemma that give up the opportunity of education because of lacking the tuition. These people all are want to study to change their life and also understand that education is the key element to ensure success in life. In such condition, property and money have become the necessary factor. (这一段很好，逻辑上继承了前面的文章，并且内部有展开)

 

Furthermore, education can teach us the all kinds of knowledge and skills from books rather than the experience and common sense to solve every problem in our life, the latter that also are important factor to ensure success. After leaving school, we will undergo all kinds of question, many of which are out of books. To catch success, we must solve these problems by using our experience and common sense collected from our whole life. The essential property, but not abounding wealth, can improve us to collect all kinds of experience.

 

In sum, given the reasons mentioned above, we can safely draw the conclusion that education is probably the main factor in opening doors to success for a lot of young people, but property and money are also equally important keys to success for the poor who have not enough money for tuition and increasing the additional experience that is different from knowledge from the books.

每段中间空一行

我没标记的地方并不是说没问题，不过你时间比较紧，不用管那些了。只要不犯低级错误，而且段落内部注意展开论证，4.5以上没问题

kitebird

今天写了一篇AA，两天不打，手就生了。给看看，还有3天

A3

The Largo Piano Company has long been known for producing carefully handcrafted, expensive pianos used by leading concert pianists. During the past few years, however, our revenue have declined; meanwhile, the Allegro Musical Lnstrument Company introduced a line of inexpensive digital pianos and then saw its revenues increase. In order to increase Largo’s sales and in fact revenues increase, we should introduce a line of digital pianos in a variety outsell of price ranges. Our digital pianos would be likely to find instant acceptance with customers, since they would be associated with the prestigious Largo name.

 

In this argument, the author reaches the conclusion that Largo Piano Company should introduce a line of digital pianos in a variety outsell of price rangers to increase Largo’s sales and revenues. To support the argument, the author points out the fact that the company’s revenue have declined during the past few years. Furthermore, he also cites the example that after introducing a line of inexpensive digital pianos, the Allegro Musical Lnstrument Company sew its increase revenue . Closely examining the author’s logical and reasoning, we find that neither of these reasons provides sufficient support for the conclusion and this argument suffers two serious logical flaws.

 

In the first place, the author commits the “after this and therefore because of this” fallacy where the author assumes that the Allegro Musical Lnstrument Company’s revenue increase occurred after the company introduce a line of digital pianos, the introducing of a line of digital pianos was responsible for the increase of the Allegro company’s revenue. However, the relationship between two issue mentioned above cannot establish the causality relationship. In fact, the author may ignore the possibility of the other alternative factors such as large advertisement of the Allegro Company, which may contribute to the increase in the revenue of he Allegro Company. It may be only a coincidence that the Allegro Musical Lnstrument Company saw its increase revenue after introducing a line of inexpensive digital pianos. Unless the author rules out the possibility of the other alternative factors, the argument is in question and cannot be accepted.

 

In the second place, the author fails to assume that the Largo Company can achieve the same results as the Allegro Company, if the Largo Company also introduces a line of digital pianos. Nevertheless the argument uses a faulty analogy between the Allegro Company and the Largo Company, analogies drawn between the two fields are highly suspect because there are many serious differences. The Largo Piano Company, for example, has long been known for producing carefully handcrafted, expensive pianos used by leading concert pianists. But the Allegro Musical Lnstrument Company met the demand of common customers instead of the performer’s. So dissimilar that the Largo company is unlikely to experience the same consequence if the company adopts the strategy of the Allegro company.

 

In sum, the author commits the above discussed logical mistakes and fails to consider the whole situation comprehensively, his ideas should not be adopted. To make the argument logical acceptable, the author should provide additional information listed in the previous analysis. Buttressed with more evidence, the argument can be more convincing.