(AA16)请斑斑帮忙指点一下

rio

In this argument the author concludes that Saluda town should provide a well-equipped gym for its municipal employees to reduce its group health insurance cost. The author’s line of reasoning is: Because research indicates that those who exercise regularly are hospitalized less than half as often as those who don’t exercise, thus by providing such well-equipped gym can reduce the health insurance cost by approximately 50%, consequently Saluda can achieve a balanced town budget. This conclusion is not very convincing for a couple of reasons.

 

First, the author asserts that proving a well-equipped gym for Saluda’s municipal employees can reduce the cost of group health insurance. However the author did not provide any evidence to prove it. What if Saluda already has a well-equipped gym, but it was seldom used by municipal employees? If most of the employees do not want to spend their time to exercise at the gym rather than go home earlier, then even well-equipped gym can work little for employee’s health. Consequently, adding new gym can not work well either.

 开头两句太笼统了，不如细分一下说作者贸然架设建造一个体育馆人们就会去使用。

Second, even if it is granted that the municipal employees are likely to exercise at this newly provided gym, we can not logically conclude that providing gym can reduce approximately 50% of group health insurance. It is only general probability that those who exercise regularly are hospitalized less than half as often as those who don’t exercise, and it is totally different between probability of illness and health cost. Both common sense and our experiences with illness inform us that the costs of catching twice flu are far away from the cost of treating lung cancer once.

 这一段表达意思是好的，应该再写详细点，把考官当作白痴，每一个逻辑细节都要写清楚。

Third, even if providing a well-equipped gym can attract employees to exercise regularly, and can reduce costs of group health insurance by 50%, we can not logically conclude that the government can achieve balanced town budget either. According to 2005 World Health Report of WHO, world average percentage of general government expenditure on health in total government expenditure is about 10%, and we can know that insurance costs are only one part of government expenditure, not most of important part. Because we do not know anything about Saluda’s government budget status, we hardly expect that reducing 50% of insurance costs can help to balance town budget. Thus this over rosy prospect is highly doubtful. Without overall detailed cost-profit analysis, we can not logically conclude the relationship between cost reduce of health insurance and town budget, thus we can not know whether providing well-equipped gym can help to achieve balanced town budget or not.

 不要使用生活中的例子，因为AA题目中的数据很多都是乱举的，不能用现实的例子去反驳。

In conclusion, this argument is not well reasoned. To make it logically acceptable, the author would demonstrate that the newly provided gym surely helps to reduce the group insurance costs, and reduced insurance costs surely help to achieve budget balance through thorough cost-profit analysis. Only with more convincing evidence could this argument become more than just an emotional appeal.

 

rio

Claiming the fails of education to teach us to see the human community as one, the speaker asserts that education should focus on the similarities rather than unique differences. While I agree that the similarities among all people are definitely important, the speaker（总使用speaker有AA之嫌） fails to consider the relationship between human community’s similarities and differences is to complement each other rather than conflict and contradict each other. Education can and should include both.

 

Admittedly, we human beings are a lot of traits in common each other（have a lot of common traits with each other）, such as loving family, preferring health, desiring peace, and hating criminals. Focusing on our unity will help us realize these hopes and goals. Moreover, in the modern society, it is crucial to find ways to unify citizens from diverse backgrounds. Otherwise, we risk being threatened from hatred, violence and craziness, as witnessed in the craziness of Hitler and in continued violence in Iraq. We can avoid such tragedy only if citizens are educated about our dreams and targets in common.

可以再加上一个观点，全球一体化才能更好的环保，这同时也是对我们把对方看作一个整体的要求。

 

Nevertheless, that is not to say, education should only focus on the similarities among all people and place on Earth. Our schools should not attempt to erase, ignore, or even play down religious, ethnic or cultural diversity. If people can not agree with disagree and with diversity, there will be tragedy and bad effect that we do not want to see, such as Virginia Tech tragedy. Moreover, recognizing and understanding diversity of people can bring better cooperation and appreciation. Only know well can we respect well.

 

加上一段说，了解各自的不同才能够让文化和科技得到进步，否则则是闭门造车。

 

In conclusion, similarities and differences of humanity are the two sides of the same coin. I do not agree that it appears paradoxical to recommend that education should stress both unity and diversity. Understanding our differences is in order to better tolerance and cooperation.  Our schools can and should promote both kinds of understanding by way of a balanced approach.

这个题目确实很难。把我提供的写进去可能可以写到400字吧。不过千万别跑题。

其实往往难题都容易扩展，往你熟悉的话题稍微一扯就扯上关系了。

estherpeter

以下是引用rio在2007-4-29 21:47:00的发言：

Third, even if providing a well-equipped gym can attract employees to exercise regularly, and can reduce costs of group health insurance by 50%, we can not logically conclude that the government can achieve balanced town budget either. According to 2005 World Health Report of WHO, world average percentage of general government expenditure on health in total government expenditure is about 10%, and we can know that insurance costs are only one part of government expenditure, not most of important part. Because we do not know anything about Saluda’s government budget status, we hardly expect that reducing 50% of insurance costs can help to balance town budget. Thus this over rosy prospect is highly doubtful. Without overall detailed cost-profit analysis, we can not logically conclude the relationship between cost reduce of health insurance and town budget, thus we can not know whether providing well-equipped gym can help to achieve balanced town budget or not.

 不要使用生活中的例子，因为AA题目中的数据很多都是乱举的，不能用现实的例子去反驳。

谢谢斑斑.

斑竹说的这部分我不是很明白, 不能用现实的例子去反驳, 那这个界限或者说火候应该怎么把握呢?

因为我们举的例子, 比如什么伟人啊, 发明啊, 不都是实际发生的例子吗?

rio

以下是引用estherpeter在2007-4-30 11:35:00的发言：

谢谢斑斑.

斑竹说的这部分我不是很明白, 不能用现实的例子去反驳, 那这个界限或者说火候应该怎么把握呢?

因为我们举的例子, 比如什么伟人啊, 发明啊, 不都是实际发生的例子吗?

可以用常识，但不要用事实。

AI可以用，AA不能用