望得到指点.Topic32: Is it better to enjoy your money when you earn it or is it better

jessica021

Some people hold the opinion that to enjoy his money when he earns is superior to save it for some time in the future. Others, however, contradict to enjoy it when earns. Personally, I would prefer to enjoy it when I earn because it seems to have more advantages.

 

There are numerous reasons why I will spend some money as soon as I earn, and I will explain a few of the most important ones.

 

The main reason is that enjoying my money when I earn it can let me have a sense of satisfaction. It can be given a concrete example that once I bought a laptop when I got my bonus, after I carried my laptop home, I was so proud of myself that I got such an excellent stuff by me own effort!

 

Another reason why I advocate the attitude of spending money as I earn is that, it will give me a great power to work harder and get more money to enjoy myself. Take the case of that if I get $1,000 one day, I will, probably, buy a high-technology cell phone. It is definitely a fantastic gift to myself, although it will cost all my money. While getting fun from my new phone, I may also feel a little disappointed that I’ve spent all my money. Conseqiently, as a positive girl, I will unquestionably have power to work harder and harder in order to get more money.

 

In terms of safety, one very strong argument for enjoying money as I earn is that I can avoid my money being stolen or losing. This demonstrates the undeniable fact that if a middle-aged woman if taking a bus with her salary in an envelope and after she gets off the bus she finds her envelope missing! How angry will she be! How disappointed will she feel! She will, without a doubt, regret not having spent them on the coat in fashion which she saw yesterday in the shop.

 

Of course, saving the money for some time in the future also has advantages; you can save them for something in urgent or you can save the money and buy a huge house.

 

But if all these factors are compiled, the advantages of enjoying money when I earn carry more weight than those of saving it. From what has been discussed above, we may finally draw the conclusion that it enjoying my money when I earn it is much more sensible.

 

                                                  ~410 words~

lxzjojo

以下是引用jessica021在2007-3-23 22:09:00的发言：

Some people hold the opinion that to enjoy his money when he earns is superior to save it for some time in the future. Others, however, contradict to enjoy it when earns. Personally, I would prefer to enjoy it when I earn because it seems to have more advantages.

 

 

There are numerous reasons why I will spend some money as soon as I earn, and I will explain a few of the most important ones.

 

 

The main reason is that enjoying my money when I earn it can let me have a sense of satisfaction. It can be given a concrete example that once I bought a laptop when I got my bonus, after I carried my laptop home, I was so proud of myself that I got such an excellent stuff by me own effort!

 

 

Another reason why I advocate the attitude of spending money as I earn is that, it will give me a great power to work harder and get more money to enjoy myself. Take the case of that if I get $1,000 one day, I will, probably, buy a high-technology cell phone. It is definitely a fantastic gift to myself, although it will cost all my money. While getting fun from my new phone, I may also feel a little disappointed that I’ve spent all my money. Conseqiently, as a positive girl, I will unquestionably have power to work harder and harder in order to get more money.

 

 

In terms of safety, one very strong argument for enjoying money as I earn is that I can avoid my money being stolen or losing. This demonstrates the undeniable fact that if a middle-aged woman if taking a bus with her salary in an envelope and after she gets off the bus she finds her envelope missing! How angry will she be! How disappointed will she feel! She will, without a doubt, regret not having spent them on the coat in fashion which she saw yesterday in the shop.

 

 

Of course, saving the money for some time in the future also has advantages; you can save them for something in urgent or you can save the money and buy a huge house.

 

 

But if all these factors are compiled, the advantages of enjoying money when I earn carry more weight than those of saving it. From what has been discussed above, we may finally draw the conclusion that it enjoying my money when I earn it is much more sensible.

 

 

                                                  ~410 words~

文章整体结构不错，有几点意见如下：

1。太浓重的模板味道，说白了文章比较死板，出现不少没啥实际意义的凑字数的句子和转接语，这在新T中并不讨好。建议MM尽量能脱离这种模板式作文的框框。

2。整体来说错别字不多，句子也比较流畅。偶还是发现了一些小问题，红色的表示拼写错误，绿色的表示句子有点问题，希望要更加注意细节。

3。词汇量不够丰富，句式也较单一。其实MM举了不少的事例，这一点挺好的，如果MM可以再将之润饰下，刨去那些毫无意义的转接词，加入一些感情色彩，丰富一下事例的表达，文章定会生色不少。

4。最后就是，字体有点太小，看得偶眼有点花鸟~~

对了，有一篇关于写作的小文仅供参考，希望对你有帮助：http://forum.chasedream.com/dispbbs.asp?boardID=19&ID=228838&page=1