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第一次练习写independent writing,请帮忙看看

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楼主
发表于 2007-3-15 22:30:00 | 只看该作者

第一次练习写independent writing,请帮忙看看

topic77:do you agree or disagree with the following statement?boys and girls should attend separate schools?

 

Nowadays, there are some special schools and universities which are only for girls or boys. There are absolutely both advantages and disadvantages. But in my opinion, I do not think it is a good phenomenon for the students. There are a lot of reasons supporting my view, but I will only list some of them.

 

Both men and women take important parts in all walks of life. They should not only know how to do well through their own effort, but also learn the way to cooperate with other colleagues, especially with different genders. This is undoubtly the most important reason why I do not support the idea that boys and girls study in different schools. Since male and female will finally be together in the society, it is really essential to know each others’ advantages and disadvantages ahead of time. For example, boys are usually better at crafts and are more interested in sports, economics, ect, meanwhile girls cares much more details in daily life, thus they can avoid making some mistakes. It is easier to learn from each other at schools when they realized both their advantages. So after their taking part in their own jobs, they will soon adapt to the environment and work more efficiently.

 

Furthermore, in terms of psychology, one will not feel comfortable if he/she is always in a single-gender environment. During a boy’s teen age, it is quite important to satisfy his curiosity to a girl, from her working custom to her attitude to many things. In contrast, if girls and boys do not know each other well, they will more likely to be very curious about other, and that will probably cause some psychology problem, which will effect the works and studies.

 

Last but not least, boys and girls, in some way, are becoming more and more independent; maybe they will just sit in front of their own computer and concentrate on their own task. There are extremely very little opportunities for a man to get advice. However, the advice from another male and a woman are totally from different views, it is not wise to listen to only one of them.

 

In conclusion, men and women are an entire group, and it is important to stay with other boys or girls when they are studying in universities. From that they can benefit a lot through the communication, and will absolutely be good for their future life.

 

 

谢谢~~因为第一次写,所以应该会有很多错误.....希望大家帮忙改改......我4月29就要考了饿............来不及了......5555555555

沙发
发表于 2007-3-15 22:34:00 | 只看该作者
第一眼错误,去掉last but not the least
板凳
 楼主| 发表于 2007-3-15 22:35:00 | 只看该作者

是吗??这个有什么问题吗?

地板
发表于 2007-3-15 22:39:00 | 只看该作者

徐开宏说得,这句美国人根本不用 有凑字之嫌

细心的真会发现OG DELTA上的连接词也真的没有这个

5#
发表于 2007-3-15 22:49:00 | 只看该作者
第三第四段字数少了点(相对第一二段),个人觉得没段最好均衡一点好,另外头大身小不好
6#
 楼主| 发表于 2007-3-16 16:33:00 | 只看该作者

哦~~谢谢呀~~~

因为我写了一半发现字数太多了...呵呵

这篇一共~409 words~

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