来看世界上最烂的作文

jasinny123

昨天用了一晚上时间完成了我的托福作文处女作，可回过头一看我的作文……

天啊 我都无语了 我发现我只会用一种句式，词汇也都是初中的词汇，论点不鲜明，论据不充分，举例不恰当

天啊，我完了，这哪像一篇托福作文阿，简直连胡乱涂鸦都不如……

就这样去考试我不就是给别人当“炮灰”吗

哎 不管了 反正这就是我目前的真实水平啦 虽然很垃圾但我也不怕丢人了

要是谁学习学累了就当看笑话看看 看看还有人写这么烂的作文

要是谁看着不爽就随便骂我吧 怎么骂我都能接受 欢迎所有骂我的人 被骂才能提高嘛

题目是185的第一题 人们为什么上大学

With the development of economy and the progress of the civilization of the whole society system, more and more people attend college or university to get a higher education. Someone thinks the main reason of why people attend college or university is that, of course, the educational condition is presently improved. However, I really think it the most crucial reason that people hold an advanced view about the higher education. People get the idea that to get a higher education can be more helpful for their further career, their rational mind and even their own interests.

 

  Firstly, most college students have the opinion that their career can be better than those who have not attend college. I think so either. Because more and more corporations intend to choose college graduate students as their employees rather than choose persons with no diploma of a high degree. For example, the supervisor of a company may look at the resumes of the interviewers first, and then if possible, he will only give the opportunities to those who have obtained a higher degree. Of course, why people want to have a better career is mostly because they want a better life in future. Having a successful career probably means that, the payment must be more decent, therefore, their living conditions can be better.

 

  Also, attending college can bring people much more knowledge, so that they can solve problems more reasonable. An example can support it is that, when people get involve in a traffic jam, the person who has less knowledge always be in a rough stance, perhaps cry out extremely, compares with the more knowledgeable person who can hold his position calmly, because he knows definitely that it makes no use to cry out. People always want themselves to be with rational minds. For this reason, they intend to attend college.

 

  What is more, people often make themselves a good sense of the subjects which they are interested in, when they work on them. For instance, an astronomer who is fond of astronomy must appreciate what he has leant in his college, which makes his life more significant in his opinion. Consequently, people often attend college for the sake of developing their own hobby.

 

  All these three reasons belong to what are in people's minds. In other words, it is because of the views people hold, which include the purposes to get a better career, to have a rational mind and to develop their interests, that people attend college or university.

看着我的作文我真是太伤自尊啦

[此贴子已经被作者于2006-11-19 16:22:19编辑过]

parfour

With the development of economy and the progress of the civilization of the whole society system, (这句话千万别用了，一看就知道是抄那个作文摸板的）more and more people attend college or university （加复数）to get a higher education. Someone thinks （that) the main reason of why people attend college or university is (in)that, of course, the educational condition is presently improved. However, I really think it most crucial reason that people hold an advanced view about the higher education(病句）. People get the idea （assert）that to get a higher education can be more helpful for their further career, their rational mind and even their own interests.

 

  Firstly, most college students have the opinion that their career can be better than those who have not attend college. I think so either. Because more and more corporations intend to choose college graduate students as their employees rather than choose persons with no（the） diploma of a high degree. For example, the supervisor of a company may look at the resumes of the interviewers first, and then if possible, he( or she) will only give the opportunities to those who have obtained a higher degree. Of course, why people want to have a better career is mostly because they want (to pursue)a better life in future. Having a successful career probably means that, the payment must be more decent, therefore, their living conditions can be better.

 

 

  Also, attending (the )college can bring people much more knowledge, so that they can solve problems more reasonable. An example can support it (this argument) is that, when people get involve in a traffic jam, the person who has less knowledge always be in a rough stance, perhaps cry out extremely, compares with the more knowledgeable person who can hold his (or her) position calmly, because he(or she) knows definitely that it makes no use to cry out. People always want themselves to be with rational minds. For this reason, they intend to attend college.

 

 

  What is more, people often make themselves a good sense of the subjects which they are interested in, when they work on them. For instance, an astronomer who is fond of astronomy must appreciate what he has leant in his college, which makes his life more significant in his opinion. Consequently, people often attend college for the sake of developing their own hobby（复数）.

 

 

  All these ( those) three reasons belong to what are in people's minds. In other words, it is because of the views people hold, which include the purposes to get a better career, to have a rational mind and to develop their interests, that people attend college or university.

In conclusion, it is no doubt that attending the education at the uviversity play a vital role for not only teenagers but also adults to reach their goals. Since it could significantly change people's life and fate, I unhesitatingly believe that more and more intelligent people would pursue a university diploma to accelerate their develoment in both academic and professional field in the near future.  

兄弟，随便看了看，改了点小地方，至于修辞，造句，结构，逻辑我没时间改了,结尾建议按我的来写吧，我实在不知道如何改你的）。

jasinny123

parfour
    

真的很感谢你啊 来改我这么烂的作文

不过顺便说一句，其实第一句话我不是抄模版的阿 我才刚刚开始作文部分的复习，还没有仔细看什么模版……

any way,你是唯一回我贴的人啊 真的谢谢啦

parfour

哈哈，不客气，不过你真是要努力提高学作水平，写作太重要了。建议你背新概念4上10-20篇文章，或者找老托福一些立论的文章其中的好句子来背。然后就是背些句型。最好多记写动词，副词和形容词的用法。写作就是背句型的。

你第1句结构不太好， of用太多，而且前半句太长，这样造成句子前重后轻。建议你开头句用个疑问句来起头，加强句式的多样性!而且这句话还有逻辑错误，不是社会系统的经济和文化发展，是社会的经济和文化发展，把system去掉。然后在名词前加入些修辞以使句子饱满，比如rapid development，intelligent people.在用动词的原则上，你第1次想到的词就别用，比如get就别用，可以用pursue。

lalalaking

。。。。我貌似还没有这样的水平。。。

Joy_Pan

不要沮丧~能贴上来就很不错啦~贴作文需要勇气的。加油~！！

kuaikuai

还好了楼主

偶的水平也没比你高多少,以前TWE还得了5分呢

appcher

貌似比我的还好

jasinny123

多谢各位的鼓励啦

恩 我会努力的……