顺应趋势，偶也发个自己的作文请各位大大多多拍砖

wondrous

独立写作，刚写的，longman的第一个complete test,题目是

some companyies prefer promoting their senior employees, others promotes based on performance of employees,你agree哪个？

我觉得这个好像写depends会一边倒，于是干脆就一边倒了。

小弟语言较烂，也不会什么好看的词语，纯四级水平（平时写个report绝对够用，六级分数也不高……），所以顺着写了400多字……FT！个人感觉第三段以后就垃圾了，全是废话。29分32秒写完，检查了几个错别字就time up了

重点请大家骂，优点提了也占楼层。骂骂偶喜欢

还有请说说结构，或者您如何写这个题目。另外，是不是举例少了？30分钟之后才想起来…

When I was planning for my job last year, I'm informed that some corporations are always promoting their senior employees. Yet I still know others, mostly the smaller and younger one, consider this problem based on workers' performance. As I am concerned, although the former factor should contribute to a sense of harmony and stable in a company, the latter factor will not only help to establish a more competitive environment but also maintain a durable attraction to the potential employees.

It is true that a worker dedicating most of his life to the company deserves a corresponding promotion in that people who work longer could get more oppotunities. However, is it true that working longer will yield more? A senior worker who spends most of his working time on reading newspapers or wondering on the web surely has more so called working time than the new employee, but the former may even contribute to the company less than the latter. Performance, on the other hand, is not only measurable, just like the working duration, but also more scientific. It illustrates the contribution of an employee more clearly, from how much he sells, how many he designs, yet no matter how long he works. Besides, a hard-working senior worker basically performs better than the junior one, owning to his experience as well as the adaptation to the organization. As a consequence, hard-working senior worker still has his chance to get a more important job.

Furthermore, promotion based on performance will provide more opportunities for the newbie and thus lead to a more dynamic competition inside the organization, which seems significant important to corporations now. Every one to be judged on a same standard means that the higher rank and salary isn’t determined primarily by factors unchangeable. Instead of waiting for their time of promotion, employees can create them. It clearly delivers a message that new employee can still get remarkable reward and thus play an important role. Considering current candidates are looking for opportunities more creative and challenging rather than conservative and even stable, promotion based on performance will benefit them to accomplish their dreams, not to mention the benefit brought to the company too.

In sum, promoting the person with a higher job performance not older working age is a better choice.yet still, the standard of performance should be carefully considered, for that existed criteria only includes several factors visible. More invisible factors such as the overall design ability and working enthusiasm should be discussed for a better judgmental system.

[此贴子已经被作者于2006-11-16 15:40:44编辑过]

bigstone

LZ的写法用自己的例子啊，好像这么写会比较有优势，但LZ用的口语化词汇多了一点，作文还是用书面语比较好吧。

wondrous

哦！好的。不过上面的已经很书面了哟……能力问题，嘻嘻

ritta

When
I was planning for my job last year, I'm(I'm就是口语的用法，一般书面上中避免用won't can't 等，还有这里应该用过去时) informed that some
corporations are always promoting their senior employees. Yet I still
know others, mostly the smaller and younger one（ones）, consider this problem
based on workers' performance. As I am concerned, although the former
factor should(can or may)  contribute to a sense of harmony and stable(stability) in a company,
the latter factor will not only help to(help to not only) establish a more competitive
environment but also maintain a durable attraction to the potential
employees.(注意not only ...but also 两者连接的词要并列）

It
is true that a worker dedicating most of his life to the company
deserves a corresponding promotion in that people who work longer could
get more oppotunities. However, is it true that working longer will
yield more? A senior worker who spends most of his working time on
reading newspapers or wondering on the web surely has more so called
working time than the new employee, but the former may even contribute
to the company less than the latter. Performance, on the other hand, is
not only measurable, just like the working duration, but also more
scientific（这句话意思？）. It illustrates the contribution of an employee more
clearly, from how much he sells, how many he designs, yet no matter how
long he works. Besides, a hard-working senior worker basically performs
better than the junior one, owning to his experience as well as the
adaptation to the organization. As a consequence, hard-working senior
worker still has his chance to get a more important job.

Furthermore,
promotion based on performance will provide more opportunities for the
newbie（newbie口语！） and thus lead to a more dynamic competition inside the
organization, which seems significant important to corporations now.
Every one to be judged on a same standard means that the higher rank
and salary isn’t(are not ) determined primarily by factors unchangeable. Instead
of waiting for their time of promotion, employees can create them. It
clearly delivers a message that new employee can still get remarkable
reward and thus play an important role. Considering current candidates
are looking for opportunities more creative and challenging rather than
conservative and even stable, promotion based on performance will
benefit them to accomplish their dreams, not to mention the benefit
brought to the company too.

In
sum, promoting the person with a higher job performance not older
working age is a better choice.yet still, the standard of performance
should be carefully considered, for that existed criteria only includes
several factors visible. More invisible factors such as the overall
design ability and working enthusiasm should be discussed for a better
judgmental system.

看得不是非常仔细，感觉用语不错，句式结构变化较多，但是支持的论点不是非常明确。LZ自己判断地接收：）

wondrous

懂了！好心人！我寻思寻思。