还一周就考试了，独自在家复习，请大家对我的作文给点意见

limeng423

我的问题是语法，时态很差．所以总是存在着５分钟改不完的问题．　下边是我在规定时间写的，后又多改了１０分钟，望给点建议．

还有就是请问各位知道什么其他的小作文资源吗？好象和考试符合的很少．

第一次发贴，愿考完试后能为大家帮点忙，谢谢

Some people think that we have acquired our most important lessons in school. Others think that the knowledge we acquire outside of the school is the most important. Which view do you agree with, Why.

Use specific reason and examples to support you opinion.

 I think to learn things from outside of the school is most important

 

When is comes to the question that things learned in school and things learned outside of the school which is the most important in one's life? I think there are advantages in both patterns of learning. Sometimes learn from school is perferable, perhaps most basically is that school can provide you with ample information in so many different fields. However, I think to learn in the school cannot compare with learning outside of the school for more concrete advantages. I will list several reasons below to strengthen my point of view.

At the first place, the chief reason for me to support learning outside of school is that you can only prove what you have learned in school was correct until you used it in society.  The knowledge that one has obtained in school, from books and lectures can only be considered as theories, that doesn’t bears any value until you have applied it in the work place. Then you can sift the knowledge which is faulse and know important information that will enhance your performance in a job.

Moreover, I believe those things learned in society has more influence in one's life. For example, if a student, no matter how popular and useful of his/her major is unversity, they would just regard those knowledge as part of they learning experience. But on the other hand, student who has been graduated from college and obtaind an employment in a company, they more appreciate the importance about their study, because with more skills they could reach higher salary and promotions. They realized those things could mean a great impact on every part of their life.  Therefore, they understand the real meaning of their study and dedicate to learn more in the futher. So, I think to understand the importance of study is outweigh what you studied in the school.

 

In addtion, I think there are so many things that you can not learn though school  but very important. Citing an example, interpersonal skill is critical in work place. We can see many highly-abled employees hardly get promoted or assigned to important jobs because their somewhat lack the ability to goes well with other workers and clients. To learn how to deal with others, could being very difficult and quite rewarding. This is something that school cannot teach their student, but student must learns in the real life for better career.

To take into account of all those reasons list above, we may safely draw the conclusion that even there are some benefits to learn in the school, but to learn things outside of the school has more importance in one’s life. There are so many thing one cannot have a clear understanding before they have entered the real life. So, I believe one need to keep up learning after they have finished their study in school, education is not limited in times and places.    

joelyeah

LZ,看了我的修改希望你不要太过frustrated,我先把改好的贴上来再来分析把：

When confronting the question which is more important between things learned in school and things learned outside of the school in one's life, I think there are advantages in both patterns of learning. Sometimes learning from school is preferable, perhaps most basically is that school can provide us with ample information in so many different fields. However, I believe to learn in the school cannot compare with to learn outside of the school for more concrete advantages. I will list several reasons below to strengthen my point of view.  

At the first place, the chief reason for me to support learning outside of school is that we can only prove what we have learned in school are correct until they are being used in society. The knowledge that one has obtained in school, from books and lectures, can only be considered as theories;(两个完整的非主从句的句子之间必须用分号或句号连接，或用连接词如and) that does not bear any value until s/he have applied it in the work place. Then s/he can correct the theory which is false and know important information that will enhance his/her performance in a job.  

Moreover, I believe those things learned in society have more influence in one's life. For example, if a student, no matter how popular and useful of his/her major is university, they would just regard those knowledge as part of they learning experience.(这句话我感觉逻辑结构有点问题，你看看怎么改一下) But on the other hand, student who has been graduated from college and obtained
   a job in a company more appreciate the importance of their study more, because with more skills they could reach higher position and request better salary. They realized those things could mean a great impact on every part of their lives. Therefore, they understand the real meaning of their study and dedicate to learn more in the future. So, I think to understand the importance of study is outweigh what we
   have studied in the school. （outweigh是动词，除被动语态不能加be）

 In addition, I think there are so many things of great importance that you can not learn from school. Citing an example, interpersonal skill is critical in work place. We can see many highly-abled employees hardly get promoted or assigned to important jobs because they somewhat lack the ability to go
   along well with other workers and clients. To learn how to deal with others could be very difficult but quite rewarding. This is something that school cannot teach their student, but student must learn in the real life for better career.  

To take into account of the entire reasons list above, we may safely draw the conclusion that despite there are some benefits to learn in the school, but to learn things outside of the school has more importance in one’s life. There are so many things that one cannot have a clear understanding before they have entered the real life. So, I believe one need to keep up learning after they have finished their study in school. After all, education is not limited in times and places.

红色字是修改的，画横线的是删掉的

总的来说，你的作文存在的问题并不是很大，但是小问题很多；

第一就是主谓一致的问题，比如every part of their life，等等，另外建议你看一下分词作主语方面的语法，还有就是拼写，上面有好几个拼写错误，如addtion,faulse，等等，这些拼写错误虽不严重，但太多了也会使判卷者不爽，

第三个就是搭配的问题，如learn outside of the school,of是不需要的，加了很别扭

还有一个问题就是写作文最好不要用you，要用的话多用we，或he，she，they，因为you的语气比较直接和强烈，有点强加于人的味道，你可以看看185篇范文，里面大量使用了he/she，却极少用you

至于行文方面，我感觉通篇的结构还是比较清晰的，但问题是过多的使用了说理的形式，最好能结合论点举一些较具体的例子（毕竟看记叙比看议论更易懂，这对改卷者也一样），比如说你第三段开头的for example，就有点逻辑上的问题，使我看得不是很懂。另外一点就是尽量使用多样化一点的句式，如被动句，分词开头（我改后的开头when confronting就是这样），强调句等等，看起来就显得更有文采

总的来说存在的问题都比较细节，如拼写等，也许是你写的时候粗心乐点，但是这种小问题堆积多了也不好，所以希望LZ在方面努力一下把，这都是我个人的意见，大家可以探讨～！！也希望LZ最后几天能获得提高，考试顺利吧～！

呼！终于打完了，刚刚改到一半还死机……郁闷～

[此贴子已经被作者于2006-11-12 14:37:41编辑过]

limeng423

非常感谢 我主要消灭语法错误