自己的拙作一篇，第三次写GMAT作文

寂寞的自由

AI  No 132    frequency(4)

"Governments should not be responsible for regulating business and other organizations. Instead, society would benefit if the organization themselves assumed most of the responsibility for establishing and enforcing their own standards and regulations".
discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your views with reasons and/or examples from your own experience, obersations, or reading.


The speaker suggests that the responsibility for regulating business and other organizations should not be taken by government but be taken by the organizations. I do not agree with this opinion on the ground that business and other organizations don't regard the public good of society for the sake of magnifying their profits as much as possible, government can execute regulations to resolve conflicts between business and public and government has more abundant resources and powerful authority to keep order and equity in society. I strongly hold that government should play an active role in regulating the social life as well as business competition.

To begin with, business and other organizations, like individuals, tend to pursue their private interests regardless of the public good of society. For instance, noise pollution is a big issue in modern society and governments play an important role in executing laws to protect public from the damage of noisy of factories. In my case, several years ago, I suffered the noisy disturbance during the exam periods of entering an ideal university because my home is near from the factory that was making big noise at night. The boss of that factory asked his employees to extend working time until mid-night for more profits. I could not stand this situation and claim my dissatisfaction to the factory but without any results. I claimed my trouble to the local government and acquire a quiet environment at night after the successful consult between the government and the factory had been done.                             .


Another important consideration is government has the necessary resource and authority to maintain order and justice in the severe competition among various business and organizations. In order to defeat other businesses, some companies use illegal strategy such as lowing the price of products in unreasonable extent, taking advantages of unreal advertisements. For example, some years ago, manufacturing microwaves was so profitable in China that stimulated many more companies to produce microwaves. In the sake of making more profits, some big-scale companies start to depreciate their price to make other small companies bankrupt. After winning the big portion of microwave’s market, big-scale companies surprisingly raise its price. The latter consumers will be the final victims because they have to pay much more money than ever before. Another illegal way is unreal advertisement. Some companies advertise their products through TV, radio and the internet but actually their products have not good qualities as what they have advertised. Consumers will waste their money after buying these poor quality products. Government have the authority to execute laws which can effectively prevent the illegal competition.
      

Again, I would state my objection to this issue after analyzing the two reasons. Government should play an important role in regulating businesses and organizations because government can prevent businesses from pursuing private interests regardless of public good of the society and have more abundant strategies and authorities to maintain the order and justices of severe competition.

哪位朋友告诉我可以得多少分吗？我在加拿大考试，不知道老外评分怎样，大家给些宝贵的意见，我将很感激！  还有哦，就是我在AI中只阐明了我的两个观点，而不是三个，那么会对作文分数有大影响吗？好象都说三个分论点比较符合老外的口味哦！大家评分一下，让我这个菜鸟有些心理准备，我要求不高，真正GMAT考试的时候作文5分就可以了。

excellent

5分的要求已相当高了，说明你对自己的写作很有信心。
不要太在乎别人的评论，毕竟大家不是评卷老师，你自己不断地提高，不断地完美，一定会达到自己的目标的。

两个或三个论据对评判没有大的区别，但是一定要保证结构清晰、例子恰当、语法少误。

祝你考试顺利。

寂寞的自由

楼上的斑竹，不是我太在乎别人的评论，主要是我相信CD论坛中一定有许多高水平的GMATER，我一个人在异国孤军奋战，真的很希望有个参考标准，因为想一次通过GMAT考试，而我的ESSAY在申请MBA的时候是最重要的，所以我对ESSAY格外重视，也格外希望大家给些批评，以及评判分数，谢谢大家的帮助。

anchoret

你写得很不错，语法错误很少。观点也论证有力（虽然和你观点不同，可能是孙远的观点吧），应该是高分。不要强求第三段，没有就算了。你的其他部分写得很多了，再写第三段可能时间不够。

如果想写一段admittedly的话，可以写“这说起来容易，但做起来很难，政府如何监管是个大问题”

寂寞的自由

谢谢楼上的anchoret斑竹！感谢你对我作文的评估和意见。我就是对作文特别恐惧，因为过2个月要第一次杀鸡，又不太清楚GMAT作文5分到底应该是怎样的，所以有时对自己写的很没有自信心，因为我以前帖过2次，有朋友说我口水话太多，就是废话太多，而且我的连接词以及句式变换很欠缺，我也对比过新东方老五册的范文，感觉自己就是个毛毛虫的水平哦！！！谢谢斑竹们的建议，我会常来CD论坛，多听听斑竹和各位高手的意见，再次感谢ANCHORET！