TWE20, 自认为写得还行，有人能指点一下吗？

george_huang

20，
                It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay.

 

Some people hold the opinion that countryside is a better place for children to grow up. Others, however, regard children can benefit more by living in a big city. As having grown up in the country myself, I can say without a doubt that I want my children to grow up in a big city, considering children’s education and health facility.

 

First, children can get better education in a big city than in the countryside. As we all know, children who live in a big city have more opportunity to enter universities than those who grow up in the country. What’s more, most of the excellent teachers are willing to stay in a big city where the pay is fairly decent and the living standard practically meets the modern people’s need. Many education researches have indicated that teachers usually not only impart knowledge to children, but also influence them in a wide variety such as their everyday behaviors and value concepts, so if a child grows up in a big city, he will learn much from his outstanding teacher.

 

In addition, children have much more opportunities to broaden their view in a big city. Globalization has been developing rapidly recent years, and people no longer view themselves living only in a small town but in the whole world. Anyone in a modern society needs to learn how to cooperate and compete with people from all the corners of the world. No doubt, children have more contact with all kinds of people in a big city than in a country and by learning other cultures, they are able to understand the people from other countries thoroughly.

     

Finally, children can get more advanced heath care in a big city than in the countryside. There are many cases in which a child in the countryside who happens to suffer from an urgent disease unfortunately doesn’t recover, just since the near hospital is so far that the treatment has to be put off or the hospital facilities are too out-of-date to be use to treat the patients. Furthermore, children in a big city often have physical examinations in a few months while those in the countryside even feel troublesome to go a far way to go to a hospital.

 

There are still many other reasons that can account for my fondness for nurturing children in a big city, but the obvious ones have been presented as above. Good education and advanced health care are what I concern most for children.

george_huang

急啊

Heng8866

开头没吸引力

encyclopedia

我帮你改完了，但是贴出来的话，里面的标记都没了。上传附件有说我类型不对。加我qq传给你吧。注明TWE20.

maloney

以下是引用george_huang在2006-9-5 17:12:00的发言：

20，It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to develop your essay.

 

 

When we discuss which place is the better place for children to grow up, it always raise a big debate among people. Some people hold the opinion that countryside is a better place for children to grow up;[.] [Others,] however, the other people regard children can benefit more by living in a big city. On account of my experience of growing [As having grown] up in the country myself], I can say without a doubt that I want my children to grow up in a big city because of [, considering] children’s education and health facility.

 

 

First of all, children can get better education in a big city than in the countryside. As we all know, children who live in a big city have more opportunities[y] to enter universities than those who grow up in the country. [What’s more]Besides, most of the excellent teachers are willing to stay in a big city where the pay is fairly decent and the living standard practically meets the modern people’s need. Many education researches have indicated that teachers usually not only impart knowledge to children, but also influence them in a wide variety such as their everyday behaviors and value concepts, [so]therefore, if a child grows up in a big city, he will learn much from his outstanding teacher.

[good point]
                    

 

 

In addition, children have much more opportunities to broaden their view in a big city. Globalization has been developing rapidly recent years, and people no longer view themselves only living [only] in a small town but in the whole world. Anyone in a modern society needs to learn how to cooperate and compete with people from all the corners of the world. No doubt, children have more chances to contact with all kinds of people and learn ther culture in a big city than in a country. [and by learning other cultures,] Due to the above reason, children[they] are able to understand the people from other countries thoroughly.

[pretty good point]
                    

     

Finally, children can get more advanced heath care in a big city than in the countryside. There are many cases point that[in which] a child in the countryside who happens to suffer from an urgent disease unfortunately doesn’t recover[, just since]because the near hospital is so far that the treatment has to be put off or the hospital facilities are too out-of-date to be use to treat the patients. Furthermore, children in a big city often have physical examinations in a few months while those in the countryside even feel troublesome to go a far way to go to a hospital.

[powerful point]
                    

 

 

There are still many other reasons that can account for my fondness for nurturing children in a big city, but the obvious ones have been presented as above. Good education and advanced health care are what I concern most for children.

[briefly conclusion]
                    

1.You have pretty good points to adress the topic task.

2.some sentences  need to be modified in an orderly way.

3. As a whole, I consider this essay is a good job and I think this this essay fetch 5.0.

mydoggie

感觉education那个例子最好加个限定范围，表明是中国的国情决定的。

据我所知，很多北欧国家的教育发展很平均，countryside可能因为人少，资源丰富，教育水平比big city还高。

美国怎样不太清楚，不过加上个限定会保险些