AIA 12 please help me!

carolhide

没怎么用模板，但是字数一下字少了很多，才350个，说明能力不够呀。

Question:

`Education has become the main provider of individual opportunity in our society. Just as property and money once were the keys to success, education has now become the element that most ensures success in life.~

In your opinion, how accurate is the view expressed above? Explain, using reasons and examples based on your own experience, observations, or reading.

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Your Answer:

If someone asked that which element could ensure success in life most. Some will answer that it is opportunity, some will answer that it is wealth, and most of people will answer that it is education. Yes, education should be the most important factor to help people succeed. My views, like that of most people, that education has become the element that most ensures success in life can be substantiate by following discussion.

The first reason that could develop my position is that in a democratic society, everyone is supposed to have the opportunity to move upwards in the society through ability. With the rapid development, our society need more and more people with strong ability to maintain its speed of developing. When someone has strong ability, he or she will be more likely to have the opportunity to promoted and be chosen by company and organization than people without ability. Upon one's ability, company could rank your performance and decide whether you could promote.

In addition, another reason for me to choose this statement is that one's ability, the most important element that ensures success in this information age, is acquired through education. People could gain or sharp ability by education. Sometimes, one's degree of education is a credit of the degree of one's ability in today's society. When one wants more space to promote, the most things he or she choose to do first is to have education again.

Meanwhile we should heed the reality that not everyone is equally accessible to education. In some developing country, a disportional numbers of children are illiteracy because of their poverty. Though in some developed country, the opportunity to education is unequal either. But we should seek every opportunity to have education by ourselves, because learning is endless.

Consequently, due to above-mentioned reasons, we may safely arrived at the conclusion that education is the most important element to ensures success, because rapidly developed society need more and more people with ability and we could sharp our ability through education, though the opportunity to have education is not equal.

laihong

If someone asked 时态 that which element could ensure success in life most. Some will answer that it is opportunity, some will answer that it is wealth, and most of people will answer that it is education. Yes, education should 过于主观无论据证明be the most少用最高级 important factor to help people succeed. My views, like that of most people, that education has become the element that most ensures success in life can be substantiate 过去分词by following discussion复数.

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The first reason that could develop my position is that in a democratic society, everyone is supposed to have the opportunity to move upwards in the society through ability. 这句话前应该加连词，比如BECAUSE，否则关系不强With the rapid development, our society need more and more people with strong ability to maintain its speed of developing. When someone has strong ability, he or she will be more likely to have the opportunity to promoted 主被动and be chosen by company and organization than people without ability. 这句话也与前面的没什么联系Upon one's ability, company could rank your performance and decide whether you could promote.这转移了话题。没有支撑主题句

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In addition, another reason for me to choose this statement is that one's ability, the most important element that ensures success in this information age, is acquired through education. People could gain or sharp ability by education.没有举例证明这句话 Sometimes, one's degree of education is a credit of the degree of one's ability in today's society. 这一句话的目的不明确When one wants more space to promote, the most things he or she choose to do first is to have education again. 这句话前应该加连词，比如THUS。

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Meanwhile we should heed the reality that not everyone is equally accessible to education. In some developing country, a disportional numbers of children are illiteracy because of their poverty. Though in some developed country, the opportunity to education is unequal either. But we should seek every opportunity to have education by ourselves, because learning is endless.

>>

Consequently, due to above-mentioned reasons, we may safely arrived at the conclusion that education is the most important element to ensures success, because rapidly developed society need more and more people with ability and we could sharp our ability through education, though the opportunity to have education is not equal.

其他的就自己改改吧，你要记住，不能想当然地写作，要言之有理。更不能脱离主题句写

carolhide

太感谢了，我好象确实想到一句是一句的那种。