AA031我的处女作，请高人指点！

judydongxueni

如果不着急的话先看下版规改下标题马上就会有人给你看的哈.

TheYeti

                 This business plan from the investment and financial consulting firm recommends that this company should consider investing in Early Bird Coffee instead of in Cola Loca. To support this recommendation, the author of this plan employs several lines of reasoning. First, this argument cited that as the increase of age the population ages, the average consumption of coffee would raise, while cola's consumption would decrease, and this trends (have remained 40 years) - ->(will remain for 40 years)/(has remained for 40 years)(No idea which one is correct since I do not know when the “trend” starts/started). Second, because of the increase of the age of the population ages, the number of adults will surge during the following 20 years, resulting in the increase of demand for coffee. At first glance, this argument seems reasonable. However, further consideration reveals that the argument suffers from several problems.

To begin with, the author uses the results of studies to get arrive at the conclusion that the consumption of coffee will raise rise as a person gets older. The result perhaps was fabricated. The author fails to provide who has conducted these studies. If those persons who conducted these studies can benefit from this firm with certain results, I cannot (1)  be convinced by these suggestion (the conclusion from these studies.)/(the recommendation based on these studies) So, this evidence is not convincing.

(1) (Cannot is one word. Kingsoft is incorrect. Search google with the search words “cannot is one word” and you will see that cannot is one word in both American and British English.)

Second, the author cited that coffee consumption remains high;(semi-colon) meanwhile consumption of cola declines for people after age 60, and during the past 40 years these two trends were stable. How these two trends performed for the past 40 years cannot infer predict ( A predicts B; B is inferred from A) the future trends of these two. If the two trends (perform convertibly)=?, this company will encounter unpredictable losses.

Last but not least, the plan only offers two firms that can be invested in--Cola Loca and Early Bird Coffee. (Whether investing in one of these two firms is the best choice…(incomplete sentence) (?)  “Whether”=>not a question. Rewrite needed)  erhaps other industries have better perspective prospects for the next 20 years and investing in other industries can get much more profits. them would (lead to much better profit)/(yield a much better overall return).

To sum up, this is a weak argument. To strengthen this argument, the author must offer sufficient evidence to substantiate that these studies cited in the argument are (fair precise)- -> Do you mean “fair and precise” or “fairly precise”?; those trends about the consumption of coffee and cola will remain stable; and there are no better other industries can be choose.  to choose/invest .

judydongxueni

语法theyeti改的很赞。个人觉得可能再看下七宗罪会比较好。你找的第一个逻辑错误模仿survey is doubtful会比较好。

水模样

还没开始作文，怎么感觉七宗罪也不那么好运用的呢？有什么技巧么？请指点