关于文书内容的询问

陈陈陈要过gmat

CDer大神们，我近期在申请英国的master，中介写好了文书之后我进行了大约百分之30%的修改。但是有一些句子（文书写的）我不知道是不是太空了，能请CDer们帮忙看一下么？
1.Academically, I have gained a solid foundation in accounting, macro and micro economics, and English, which gives me confidence to pursue the master’s degree at your school.
2. I am therefore confident to make positive contribution to my future learning community.
3.I hope the master’s study at your business school will further broaden my horizon and provide me with a competitive edge that will help me with my career in risk management.
求问这些句子是不是要删掉？

thoooomas

如果还有字数空间的话，可以再详细点。比如make positive contribution具体什么contribution，broaden了什么horizon，这个program具体提升你什么competitiveness

陈陈陈要过gmat

thoooomas 发表于 2017-12-22 20:12
如果还有字数空间的话，可以再详细点。比如make positive contribution具体什么contribution，broaden了什 ...

好的好的！感谢，我可以在这后面再补充~

higuain2020

Sentence like this doesn't provide any information about yourself