Toefl independent writing-Ask for comments!

CarmenOU

I got a very low score of writing in GRE--3. And I just started to practice the toefl writing and hope that there will be someone helping me to improve. Thank you very much!

1) Do you agree or disagree with the followingstatement? People are never satisfied with what they have; they always wantsomething more or something different. Use specific reasons to support youranswer.

Personally,I admit that many people nature to be unsatisfied and ask for something moreand different. In particular, this trendency tendencyis further amplified in today’s highly connectedand competitive world. Nonetheless, we cannot ignore idosycracies idiosyncrasiesof human kind. And it is presumptuous to generalize this nature toall the human beings.

Itseems to be human’s nature that, it is hard for us to be satisfied with what wehave. No matter what we’ve already had, we are still anxious and longing formore. While it is reasonable that, a poor man would want more money and improvehis life, it is ironic that rich people have the same idea. Many of themerchant, however rich they are, are still twisting their poor employees andcustomers. The enlarging wealth gap, as revealed by the recently top seller-“TheCapitalism of the 21st Century”, is one of the strong evidences ofthe unsatisfied nature of human.

Inadditions to the bitter fruits of human greedy, paradoxically, our unsatisfiednature is also the reason and driving factors of our self-advancement andprogress of civilization. It is because of the fact that--we’re unsatisfied withwhat we have, that we endeavor for a better self. Many of the big names todaycame from humble origin. If they were satisfied with the environment that they’reraised, they would not try hard to change their lives and became luminous.During the Speech of September 1st, the first day of school year,President Obama recalled that he and his wife were both from lower class whoseparents did not go to the university. The idea—“want to have a change”—finally changedhis and his wife’s lives, seeing them of self-advancement. For human race andthe society, many of today’s technology would not come into being if human weresatisfied with whatthey already had. If we were happy with only having candles at nights, therewould not be electrical bulb; if we were comfortable with calculating withhands and pens, there would not be calculator, let alone the advent of computer;if we thought thatwe can do nothing to improve our life expantency expectancy,we would still live in the world without any medical advancements.

Nonetheless,there still exists some people who is satisfied with what they have, adding tothe variances of human kind. These people are typically those who hadexperienced a lot or had piousreligious belief. In China’s history, there were many intellutuals intellectualsreturned to the humble life in country side after they experience thevanity fairs as officers. Many of the poems in Chinese’s text books, includedtheir peaceful mind and self-satisfaction, such as Tao Yuanming. It alsoreminded me a speech by JeremyLin, which was how he defined success. Though he had a bad time in NBA thisyear, he was still peaceful since that he knew asking for more fame and benefitwas not his goal—he just wants his God to be satisfied.