AI012,请多多指教！

tests

12. “Education has become the main provider of individual opportunity in our society. Just as property and money once were the keys to success, education has now become the element that most ensures success in life.”

In your opinion, how accurate is the view expressed above? Explain, using reasons and examples based on your own experience, observations, or reading.

Recently, there is a debate over whether education is the main factor of success in life. As to this issue, different people hold distinct views due to their different cultural, geographical, or academic backgrounds. Actually, there is no universal answer to this issue, and the final judgment primarily depends on a specific situation. As far as I am concerned, I think that education is indeed important in the process of success, however, other personal elements are also significant and education is the only element that ensures success in life. I would like to present evidence in the following aspects.

On one hand, education is very important in one's life. It is obvious that education can provide us with all kinds of knowledge necessary to our achievements. What's more, education teaches us how to learn knowledge and solving problems. Education also makes us master skills of research and analysis. Undoubtedly, good education gives us competitive advantages in our society.

On the other hand, we must admit that education is not the only element that ensures success in life. Success also needs other factors including personal indigence, gift, and so on. The lack of education does not mean failure in one's life. There are numerous cases in reality. For instance, as we know, Bill Gates dropped out of the university when he is around eighteen years old. However, he succeeded in the realm of omputer on account of his talent and persistence.  In the circumstances, we can not say that a person has no chance of success unless he or she has good education.

Based on the reasons mentioned above, we can safely reach the conclusion that education is very important in the process of success, and other personal elements are also significant. We should not lose courage or give up if we have no chance of good education. Because good education does not necessarily mean success, with good education, we should even work or study harder to accelerate the process of success.

judydongxueni

以下是引用tests在2005-5-25 11:00:00的发言：

12. “Education has become the main provider
of individual opportunity in our society. Just as property and money once were
the keys to success, education has now become the element that most ensures
success in life.”


In your opinion, how accurate is the view

expressed above? Explain, using reasons and examples based on your own
experience, observations, or reading.

Recently, there is a debate over whether education is the main factor
of success in life. As to this issue, different people hold distinct
views due to their different cultural, geographical, or academic
backgrounds. Actually, there is no universal answer to this issue, and

the final judgment primarily depends on a specific situation. As far as I am

the

concerned, I think that education is indeed important in the process of success,

有很多G友都这么用，但是我个人觉得好象和in my opinion, I believe一样都属于不够简洁
however, other personal elements are also significant and education is the only
element that ensures success in life. I would like to present evidence in the

好象和你的观点不大一致？
following aspects.

On one hand, education is very important in

one's life. It is obvious that education can provide us with all kinds of
knowledge necessary to our achievements. What's more, education teaches us how
to learn knowledge and solving problems. Education also makes us master skills
of research and analysis. Undoubtedly, good education gives us competitive
advantages in our society.

On the other hand, we must admit that

education is not the only element that ensures success in life. Success also
needs other factors including personal indigence, gift, and so on. The lack of

我感觉你好象是想用diligence
education does not mean failure in one's life. There are numerous cases in
reality. For instance, as we know, Bill Gates dropped out of the university
when he is around eighteen years old. However, he succeeded in the realm of
computer on account of his talent and persistence.  In the circumstances, we can not say that a
person has no chance of success unless he or she has good education.

Based on the reasons mentioned above, we

can safely reach the conclusion that education is very important in the process
of success, and other personal elements are also significant. We should not
lose courage or give up if we have no chance of good education. Because good
education does not necessarily mean success, with good education, we should
even work or study harder to accelerate the process of success.

work or study even harder

挺不错的，应该是刚上手吧？题号很靠前的说。

用词很精当，固定搭配和一些高级词汇的用法掌握地也很好。

说一点建议吧：

字数不大够，尤其是第二段应该再展开一下。

注意小的语法点

尽量还是写五段比较好一点

judydongxueni

还有啊，应该是AI012请楼主改下标题。我也经常忘记其实也是刚刚才注意到，不过为了方便大家嘛。

tests

谢谢楼上的中肯点评！语法点的错误记下了！本来是想写三段的，可是一下子又没有其他的论点，只得中间两段草草收场，因此也导致字数的必然不够。还有就是经常犯展开不够的毛病。所以想请问一下，就拿第二段说，应该如何简洁地展开阿？
anyway, thanks again!

tests

标题已更正！谢谢提醒啊！

judydongxueni

On one hand, there is nothing that can be better than education in providing us with all kinds of knowledge and skills for solving different problems in our respective domains. How can we achieve success without those expertise and techniques? Some one may argue that experience and common sense are enough for this kind of concern. However, in my opinion, nothing can really substitute education, while it may be true that the above-mentioned elements are also important in gaining the knowledge to achieve success.

What is more, education can make a person improve morally and purify his or her spirit. In my point of view, morality is also an important element for one’s success, although it is always neglected or overlooked. Dictators, for instance, they are likely to be very intelligent and hard-working people, but they are inferior in ethic. It is obvious that those people can not be considered successful. The best way to make a person moral and respectable is education. It teaches people to tell good from bad; it helps people to distinguish justice form evil.  

不知道你觉得这样可以不？

tests

多谢楼上大师（我不得不这么说，实在佩服！）的例文！
这两段展开的评论，的确大大拓展了文中第一段的观点和思路，实在是受益匪浅！thanks a lot! 以后要多多向大师请教啊！

judydongxueni

不好意思ing

谢谢你的表扬，互相学习呵呵

jasonzhang518

第二段和第三段有点矛盾

我做如下修改

Recently, there is a debate over whether education is the main factor of success in life. As to this issue, different people hold distinct views due to their different cultural, geographical, or academic backgrounds. Actually, there is no universal answer to this issue, and the final judgment primarily depends on a specific situation. As far as I am concerned, I think that education is indeed important in the process of success but is not the only element that ensures success in life, however, other factors are also significant for success owing to following reasons.

On one hand, education is very important in one's life. For example,education provides us with many kinds of knowledge and skills necessary to solve different problems in our respective domains.So we will have many opportunities.  How can we expect to achieve success without those expertise and techniques? Some one may argue that experience and common sense are enough for this kind of concern. However, in my opinion, nothing can really substitute education, while it may be true that experience and common sense  are also important in gaining the knowledge to achieve success.  What is more, education can make a person improve morally and purify his or her spirit. In my point of view, morality , always neglected or overlooked , is also an important element for one’s success. For instance, dictators are likely to be very intelligent and hard-working people, but maybe they are inferior in ethic. It is obvious that those people can not be considered successful. The best way to make a person moral and respectable is education. It teaches people to tell good from bad; it helps people to distinguish justice form evil.

On the other hand, we must admit that education is not the only element that ensures success in life.Nobody can guarantee that education can definitely leads to success. That’s to say education is a necessary condition for success rather than a sufficient condition. For example, there are many people who ever accepted high education in our society .But the successful people accounts only a small part of tthose . That’s to say,success also needs other factors , such as  personal diligence, gift, property ,actural ability,and so on. Which factor accounts more for success ? There is no definite answer. It depands on a case by case analysis.  

In conclusion, education is indeed important in the process of success but is not the only element that ensures success in life, however, other factors are also significant for success owing to following reasons.

happyfish0517

赫赫~lz见谅~~我帮你改了下顶楼的行距

欢迎jasonzhang gg的参与讨论！~