TWE 181 请各位dx给批改

blackcoffee

181. In your country, is there more need for land to be left in its natural condition or is there more need for land to be developed for housing and industry? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Now in our country, admittedly with the development of society and the increase of the people, there is more need for land to be developed for housing and industry, but I do not think we should use more land to our housing and industry. I believe we should leave more land in its natural condition. My arguments are listed as follow.

The first reason is that more land that is left in its natural condition will benefit to ecosystem balance. Take one example, in our hometown, people cut down the trees in order to build more houses to improve their living condition and cultivate more crops, but this cause the lose of the amount of bats because the bats cannot find place to live. With the decrease of the bat, the pest amount increases and the crops are eaten by the pest. Our product do not only increase, on the other hand, they decrease due to the cut of the tree. This is a painful lesson for people to damage the ecosystem balance.

The second reason for my opinion is that keeping more land in its natural condition will be good at our health. With the development of industry, we also have found that we cannot breath the fresh air. Everyday we inhale the polluted air which is exhausted by the chemical factories and eat polluted vegetable which is grown in polluted land. It is too bad for our health. Especially nowadays health of people become more and more important. Do you like breath the polluted air and drink the polluted water?

Last but the least, let more land to be left in its natural condition for our offspring. We do not hope when our offspring grow up, they cannot find a pure land for their vocation and stay in noisy and polluted city everyday.

To sum up, given the reasons discussed above, which sometimes intertwine to form an organic whole and thus become more persuasive, we may safely draw the conclusion that there is more need for land to be left in its natural condition. Further more, following this suggestion that we will make our lives more health and happy.

likui

181. In your country, is there more need for land to be left in its natural condition or is there more need for land to be developed for housing and industry? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Now in our country, admittedly with the development of society and the increase of the people, there is (a) more need for land to be developed for housing and industry, but I do not think we should use more land to our housing and industry. （罗嗦）I believe we should leave more land in its natural condition. My arguments are listed as follow (follows 这是固定词组，意为：如下).

第一段还是要好好借鉴好的TWE作文的写法。开头要饱满，但是不能简单的着眼字数。

Nowadays in my country, according to the development of society and the population explosion, there is a tendency to occupy more land for housing and industry. As to whether it is wise to do so, different people truly have different answers due to individual experience and personal preference.（这句完全是废话，但是就比你那句来得好；该客套的时候还是要适当客套一下的）But as far as I am concerned, considering its negative effects on the ecosystem and other aspects, I should agree to leave land in its natural condition. My arguments are listed as follows.

The first reason is that more land that is left in its natural condition will benefit to ecosystem balance. Take one example, in our hometown, people cut down the trees in order to build more houses to improve their living condition and cultivate more crops, but this cause （the deforestation causes this指代总不怎么好）the lose of the amount of bats because （without trees）the bats cannot find place to live. With the decrease of the bat, the pest（pests）amount increases and the crops are eaten by the pest （pests）. Our product （produce product是工业制成品的意思）do （does）not only increase, on the other hand, they decrease due to the cut of the tree. This is a painful lesson for people to damage the ecosystem balance.

The second reason for my opinion is that keeping more land in its natural condition will be good at our health. With the development of industry （这句话说的不严谨，难道工业就不发展了吗？改成in an environment filled with industrial pollution）, we also have found that we cannot breath (breathe) the fresh air. Everyday we inhale the polluted air which is exhausted by the chemical factories and eat polluted vegetable which is grown in polluted land. It is too bad for our health. Especially nowadays health of people become more and more important. （it is not difficult to see that modern people pay more attention to their health than before.）Do you like breath (to breathe) the polluted air and drink the polluted water?

Last but the least, let more land to be left in its natural condition for our offspring (这样写是不是祈使句了 there must be suitable room for our offspring to live). We do not hope when our offspring grow up, they cannot find a pure land for their vocation and (but) stay in noisy and polluted city everyday.

To sum up, given the reasons discussed above, which sometimes intertwine to form an organic whole and thus become more persuasive,(这句话好牛，也有点过火) we may safely draw the conclusion that there is more need for land to be left in its natural condition. Further more, following this suggestion that we will make our lives more health and happy. It is judicious for us to enjoy more healthy and happy life.

两个理由段写的不错。文章的句子还可以更生动一点，但是要地道。TWE要模仿，也要“相当”。