第一篇ARGUMENT 希望大家给点建议 另：有谁想作文互该么？QQ联系~

陈太白

This observed phenomenon that the arctic deer only can search for food by moving over ice from island to island during some of the year, the plant, which is arctic deer’s food, can merely live in the warm environment and the recent global warming, has significantly contributed, and thus is causal to the decline in deer population. These reasons seem logical; however, if we seek the further reason, the evidence provided in this argument is not sufficient to validate the assumption.



The information that arctic deer, living on island in Canada’s arctic region, can only travel from island to island by the moving ice seems insufficient evidence to conclude that the declining of the deer’s population because of those melt ice which is result from the global warming trend. Shall we credit the information that the entire islands in Canada’s arctic region, which arctic deer live are entirely separated to the other ground? Of course, no and we seem to neglect one possibility that some of the island is the byland, where the arctic dears can detour the sea to move on another land having the abundant plant for the dears. The arctic deer also can swim though the sea or just jump by the rock. Thus, the assumption that the population of the dears decreasing because they are unable to follow their age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea is groundless.



Additionally, it is the local hunter that report the fact that the deer populations are declining, which is very doubt about what is the real factor leads to dwindling the number of the dears. The hunters would like to be suspicious that they are the real murders, killing the dears and attributing the shrink of those died dears to the external factor, such as the limited food and the capricious climate, causing deer could not live in their old patterned living habit, try to mask their crime deliberately. Plus, the hunters reported that it is the deer populations that reduced. The words the deer do not indicate the details about deer’s species, which could be the arctic or some other deer, and confuse us about that what the actual number of died arctic dears. Besides, the author concludes that the populations of the deer are declining from the hunter, only few people investigated in the issue, which make the conclusion seems skeptical. Therefore, any decision aimed at addressing the problem of the decreased populations of the deer must be based on more thorough investigation to gather sufficient data in order to narrow down and locate the actual causes of the problem.



The authors assume that the deer’s being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea result in the purported decline in deer population. It appears reasonable, therefore, for the sorrow consequence that the starvation is probably one reason of the declining population of the dears. However, do they merely eat one kinds of plant stained in the warm areas? The explanation, I think, is unacceptable.~~~.

They can eat lichen or the moss; the very common plants on the tundra, for that they could not wait the right time, the course of the year where the ice break and move from one ground to another, to pursuit their food. Stepping back, even the recent global warming leads to the ice melt the warmer surround is beneficial for the diversity of the plants. Those make the deer have more alternative food to eat and avoid staving.



In a nutshell, the factors that are the melt ice, which is result from the global warming trend, the saying of the local hunter, who cannot be believed entirely and the starving, which is the result of less diversified food because of the climate, can not be acceptable. Further investigation should be made on this issue.

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普渡哥

内容很充实，可以组织一下段落结构，有明显的过渡和递进来帮助别人理解中心主题。学会引导读者的眼睛和思维。

陈太白

不是能很理解普渡哥的意思。转折和递进？是增加些转折词 过渡句么？段落结构中理由的说明要怎么才能体现递进关系？感觉理由都是并列的么？
PS  普渡哥 这篇文章的语法错误多么？
谢谢普渡哥

竹林中人

第一段中第一句话，phenomenon有三个同位语成分并列，都需要that引导的。
你注意下你的内容安排，很明显2、3段比较多而4、5段比较单薄