Ask Jason@沃顿 (my essays inside!) Free essay advice again~

cannedpineapple

每次看Jason 的回帖都有些似是而非的晕，今天有些明白了，原来是Jason同学的理论水平太高了，到达了哲学思辨的境界。

-- by 会员 newborn2009 (2009/12/31 8:10:36)

This has nothing to do with philosophy. I learnt this at business school, actually. If your strategy doesn't involve trade-offs, anybody can copy it without cost. It is not a source of competitive advantage. Similarly, marketing people know that in order to sell a product, you need to target it specifically to a certain segment, and give up other segments. Walmart doesn't try to go after those who will shop at LVMH; LVMH doesn't want the Walmart client in their stores either. If you try to be everything to everyone, you fail.

Simple business concepts.. appropriately applied, to the business school application process.

cannedpineapple

An applicant to UChicago college answers the essay "Why UChicago". He responds, "ask not why!" This is taken from an email sent by UChicago admissions dean to all applicants. PS: This is for UChicago, not Chicago Booth. A business school essay will look nothing like this. Nonetheless, it shows you the spirit of UChicago. Also, notice that, just like with bschool applicants, the dean ends his message with.. "be yourself".

------------------------
Dear xxx,

I am sending you the following essay by one of your classmates with the hope that it lightens your mood, reduces any end-of-the-year stress and inspires your creative juices in completing your applications. Enjoy the essay and the holidays!

"Dear University of Chicago,

It fills me up with that gooey sap you feel late at night when I think about things that are really special to me about you. Sometimes I just hunger for more, but I keep that a secret. The mail you send is such a tease; I like to imagine additional words on the page. Words like "you're accepted" or "you're awesome!" or "don't worry, she still loves you!" but I know they're all lies. You never called after that one time, I visited you thrice, but you never come around anymore. Tell me, was I just one in a line of many? Was I just another supple "applicant" to you, looking for a place to live, looking for someone to teach me the ways of the world? The closeness between us was beautiful, it couldn't have been just me that felt it, I know you felt it too. The intimacy was akin to that of scholar and original text, your depth as a person is astounding! To be honest, I must confess I had already dreamt of a rosy future together, one filled with late nights and long discussions over the Gothic era and the ethical stage of Kierkegaard, we would watch the sunset together and spend every Christmas snuggled in blankets. Eventually we would get older, I would become a well-educated corporate lawyer and you would enrich yourself within the domain of human knowledge. Your cup overfloweth with academic genius, pour a little on me. You're legendary for it, they all told me it would never work out between us, but I had hope. I had so much hope; I replied to your adorable letters and put up with your puns. I knew going into it that you would be an expensive one to keep around, I accounted for all that; I understand someone of your caliber and taste.

And now you inquire as to my wishes? They're simple, accept me for who I am! Why can't you just love and not ask why? Not ask about my assets or my past? I'm living in the now, I'm waiting for you to catch up, but you're too caught up in my past, I offer us a future together, not a past to dwell upon. Whenever I'm around you, I just get that tingle deep inside me that tells me you're the one; you have that air of brilliance and ingenuity that I crave in a person, you're so mature and sophisticated, originality is really your strongest and most admirable trait. I wish we could be together, I still think in my heart of hearts we were meant to be, but you have to meet me halfway, dear. I'm on one knee here with tears welling up in my eyes, the fireworks are timed and ready to light up the night sky for you, just say 'I accept...you.'

Always,

Rohan"

P.S. Rohan was admitted to UChicago last week and will be joining us in the fall. I can't wait to meet him.

P.P.S. This was in response to the question: How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community and future? DO NOT see this as a blueprint, but one of many types of essays we get. Be yourself!

Best regards,
James Nondorf
Vice President
Dean of Admissions and Financial Aid
The University of Chicago

cannedpineapple

And like I said, sometimes showing weakness is a strength

cannedpineapple

Zoolantz, re: the UChicago essay> This essay may not work for Harvard or NorthWestern. UChicago embraces the life of the mind. An aspiring lawyer does not need to read Kierkegaard. Neither does an aspiring lawyer tend to need to write in such a passionate, poetic way; comparing UChicago to a lover that has scorned him- I expect such a style of writing will not work for a lawyer.

What makes this letter so unique, and so effective, is that 90% of applicants will not even THINK about something like that, because they will consider it 'lethal'. In fact, while this is for undergrad, I pasted it here because there is a certain honesty, a certain message that is important to understand in a business school application too- even more so, there, actually. The message here is, 'this is who I am, a weak person who needs you to complete me, and I am at your mercy. Take me as I am'. This shows amazing humility, self-awareness, and confidence- all traits that you'll need to be successful in your business school essays.

Trying to be 'creative' just because you think the adcom likes it is in fact the opposite approach. While this essay may look like it's trying to accomplish it, it is in fact effective not because he is attempting to write what the adcom wants to read. Rather, he is writing exactly what HE wants to write, and what he feels, and putting himself at the mercy of the adcom. If this means his essay is forgettable (after all, 'generic' tends to be forgettable), then so be it.

cannedpineapple

zoolantz, re: my other posts> Some of "we" refers to people in general, some refers to the poster I was responding to. I apologise for the confusion.

Age, while being correlated with wealth, does not necessarily have a direct relationship with the latter. Many of my classmates of that age have families, have mortgages- if anything, they have MORE financial need than my other classmates with less work experience.

In addition, I fully agree- looking at their experience and their needs, for instance, shows me that there is much to worry about financially in life. However, I also like to take a step back, and think about how I am part of the elite in the world. I am, in the duration of my lifetime, probably going to be an earner in the top 5-10% of the entire world. I am tremendously blessed.

While I need a way to live, and transport; I do not necessarily need to live in a mansion, I do not need a luxury car (or, really, perhaps even a car at all). These are pleasures and they are conveniences that I will surely enjoy, but I am keenly aware that there is a price to getting them. No matter what job I get out of school, I will not be bankrupt. I constantly hear my fellow classmates justify to themselves that they NEED a $200K / yr banking job to pay off their loans.. and I think, really? What happens if you live on 'only' $50K a year? Will you be bankrupt? Will you be living on the streets? Will you have not enough to feed yourself? These are extreme examples, yes, but I like to think of them, so that I have a little perspective for how blessed I am, that with my qualifications I will never have to worry on the scale that some people do, worrying about their day to day existence.

The question to answer then becomes, am I willing to give up what it takes so that I can live that much more a materially comfortable life? At least right now in my life, the answer is closer to no. I don't want to live on the streets, but I also don't need to be rich. If someone pays off their loans in 2 years, I can take 10 years, 20 years- no problem. I am not worried. Like I said, my plan is not one that extends over 1 or 2 years, but more like 10, 20 years.

Part of this naivety stems from my inexperience as a new graduate, as you have pointed out. But I see this- my greatest weakness- as also potentially a source of my greatest strength. I think many of my other classmates don't see it this way because their 'experience' of hardship; as well as their determination to overcome it; has made some of them forget how fortunate they are.

I respect your opinion that it all comes down to money. It undoubtedly does. I just have a different idea from you of how much I'll need to survive. I also believe, as you do, that this will change. My views will be tested as I begin to experience material hardship once I start working. And this, BTW, is why I think that this has been the perfect time for me to do business school. Doing it now has allowed me to be exposed and become aware of this, before my views start to change. After all, I too am just a simple person, who is strongly affected and influenced by my surroundings. In a few years, I have no doubt that I will think exactly like many of my classmates. I only hope that, having been forewarned sooner, I can remind myself at that time, to understand exactly at what level of wealth I should stop trying to get more money, in order that I can apply myself to some other things that I find meaningful.

cannedpineapple

Zoolantz> Yes, that's my point. The true 'differentiation' is not to show that you are special, but to show self-knowledge. In my case, I know I'm young, and I know there are parts of me that are immature. But you can't rush growing up, and while I need to be aware of my weaknesses, I also can try to view them as strengths. However, this is true of someone of any age. An older person views those younger as immature. A younger person view older people as stubborn, because once one gets older one has more experience, but that experience sets one in his/her ways so he/she finds it harder to learn new things. So regardless of our age, it is an eternal process in understanding our own strengths and weaknesses, and in learning from others at different stages of their lives, both to remind us what we once were but have now given up (and perhaps now being the time to reconsider whether you should revisit that), but also to learn from different individuals who think differently. I may be younger than you, but that's not the only thing that defines my thoughts. I am from a certain country, a certain background, a certain family.. So yes, we look at people younger than us and that reminds us of ourselves at an earlier age, but even then we have much to learn from how they are different from us not just in age alone.

This is the whole point of diversity, and why it is valued in schools. Most people think, "I am diverse because I am unique, because I can contribute this or that". That's not true. Everyone is unique. In fact, diversity becomes useful when the opposite happens. When people think, "I have strengths, but I also have weaknesses. Looking at others can remind me of myself, which is a good chance to reflect, but others are also different individuals, and I should try to see things from their perspective." If everyone thinks this way, then diversity will have value. If everyone thinks, "I am diverse in this way.. come and learn from me", then there will be no need for diversity because nobody will be learning from others.

PS, this is why schools seldom ask you, 'how will you add to diversity', with a view to seeing you say, "I am special in the following ways..". They don't do this because: 1) that is what the resume is for. 2) how you are special is something THEY decide, not you. Many students I've met try to differentiate themselves from other Chinese applicants, not realising that in the mind of the adcom.. "I am not typical Chinese" may not be diverse, because perhaps they are exactly looking for a classic Chinese applicant, because that will look most 'diverse' within the entire class? Anyway, even this is speculation. I'm just saying you can't second-guess what they are looking for. 3) Indeed, perhaps the biggest problem is that they're not even 'looking' for any one profile in the first place.

So, instead they focus on finding out what kind of an introspective person you are, so they'll know if you can contribute to an environment where diversity will have educational value.

Here is an article from the NYTimes you may find interesting. They mention the accepting of diversity of viewpoints being very important for an older adult, in order to learn.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/03/education/edlife/03adult-t.html
Quote: "Teaching new facts should not be the focus of adult education, she says. Instead, continued brain development and a richer form of learning may require that you “bump up against people and ideas” that are different. In a history class, that might mean reading multiple viewpoints, and then prying open brain networks by reflecting on how what was learned has changed your view of the world."

iceccn> I would choose the other supervisor. Always go with the person with more vivid stories to tell. You can always explain it in the optional essay by saying.. "The one who provides the recommendation letter for me is my cross supervisor in the company's structure, but has had much more interaction with me than my direct supervisor. My previous direct supervisor has left the firm; my new direct supervisor has just arrived and doesn't know me well yet. " (These are your words )

cannedpineapple

iceccn> Do whatever you think appropriate. Formatting is not going to be a problem on any application.

cannedpineapple

http://roomfordebate.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/01/03/are-they-students-or-customers/

cannedpineapple

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/10/business/10mba.html?hp

This is why Rotman was my second-choice school after Wharton.

cannedpineapple

Toyvicky wrote this on his thread, original here: http://forum.chasedream.com/North_American_MBA/thread-432142-1-1.html

"已经给前5个留言。 如果没收到 PING 我。 希望有些用， 再多说几句， 每个人对ADMISSION CONSULTING 的看法不同， 学校都是不支持的， 但是就像我们高考， 牛人一样可以考状元， 上不上补习班都一样， 如果有新东方可以帮你GMAT，ADMISSION CONSULTING 也是如此。

这些绝不是给自己拉客户 ，做广告， 我们收的都是美元价， 换算成人民币不是大家愿意负担的， 所以我们的中国客户都是读EXECUTIVE MBA 的。

这里有很多有用的信息， 我的总体感受是， 就象GMAT一样， 道理大家都懂， 就是不能人人上700. 你要如何把大家都知道的黄金定律做成一个突出自己特色， 和符合学校特色的PACKAGE, 那是你自己的造化。 这才是ADMISSION CONSULTING 的VALUE 所在。"

I have a different take on this. Perhaps when toyvicky had worked with EMBAs, they are a lot more confident of themselves because of maturity and age. Even then, my EMBA friends have found the process to be a great one for self-reflection and self-discovery.

I think it far more important to learn about who you are. This is easier said than done, which is why virtually all schools ask for it. The "Why abc" school is important, but that too is part of the process of understanding what YOU want from a school, as opposed to sticking to vague notions of "alumni" and "brand".

It is all a process of self-discovery. I believe that the value in admission consulting, or as I tend to do, answering questions here, is that sometimes it takes an external party to cut through your own confusion, to help you see something that you missed. Which is why I always like to begin with this first question: why shouldn't you do an MBA? In my mind, a successful advisor will end up having maybe 30-40% of the people who go to him, ultimately deciding NOT to do an MBA. After having cut through their own confusion, I believe that more people than actually dare to admit to themselves, may find that an MBA is not suitable for them after all. Unfortunately, if everyone believes that there is a 黄金定律, and the aim is to 做成一个突出自己特色, in order to make a 符合学校特色的PACKAGE, then you have not very honestly and critically questioned your own assumptions. Such confusion is very very easy to pick out, and I've seen it in many a set of essays- many times by people who then get dinged, and have no idea why they've been dinged, since they've spent so much time on their essays. These people have also frequently consulted many application consultants, many alumni- basically, tried to get the answer of 'who am I?' from other people. Not surprisingly, it often doesn't work.

It is extremely difficult for me sometimes to tell them that they really need to question their assumption that business school is right for them, since they've been so focused on 'execution' that they've forgotten, "to what end?".

Like I said, this probably applies a lot more to the MBA crowd than the EMBA crowd that toyvicky refers to. The EMBA prospective students I've met tend to be a lot more clear about what they want and need.

Jason