TWE114请指教

lindazhou

114. some people think that the family is the most important influence on young adults. Other people think that friends are the most important influence on young adults. Which view do you agree with? Use examples to support your position.

It is hotly debated whether the family is the most important infuence on young adults or friends are the most important influence on young adults. In my personal view of point, I consider that young adults are influenced much more from their frineds than from their families all over the world today. The following can give more detailed explanation to my opinion.

Firstly, young adults’ behavior are much more influenced by their friends. We see that young adults have more similar views with their friends than their family memebers, expecially their parents. According to a commerical research about young adults’ behaviors world wide recently, it examinates that young adults of different countries share so much similarities. For example, Japanese youngsters wear jeans and T-shirts in white, blue or black like youngsters in any country of Europe or North America. However, their family members do exclude such casual clothes. Therefore, youngsters get much infulence from their friends instead of from their family.

Secondly, young adults most likely communicate with their friends and learn ken or experience from their friends. Youngsters are keen to take part in varieties of groups, clubs or other activites. They interchange opinions or value about the world, people, life and so on, which would lead them to keep pace with their group and get fresh ideas and broad views. For instance, they develop their specific languages in e-world, which their parents totally can not understand.

Admittely, young adults get a lot of influence from their familes in the process of growing up. But the influence just includes some trifling issues, such as food favor. It can not compare with the influcence from friends in contents and degrees.

Based on the above reasons, we can safely get such conclusion that young adults get more important influence from their friends world wide today.

pengstone

以下是引用lindazhou在2005-4-28 8:29:00的发言：

114. some people think that the family is the most important influence on young adults. Other people think that friends are the most important influence on young adults. Which view do you agree with? Use examples to support your position.

It is hotly debated whether the family is the most important infuence on young adults or friends are the most important influence on young adults. 划线处显重复，其实后半句可要可不要。In my personal view of point, I consider that young adults are influenced much more from （介词使用错误）their frineds than from their families all over the world today. The following can give more detailed explanation to my opinion.

Firstly, young adults’ behavior are much more influenced by their friends. We see that young adults have more similar views with their friends than （with）their family memebers, expecially their parents. According to a (recent)commerical research about young adults’ behaviors world wide recently, it examinates that (注意逻辑主语)young adults of different countries share so much similarities. For example, Japanese youngsters wear jeans and T-shirts in white, blue or black like youngsters in any country of Europe or North America. However, their family members do exclude such casual clothes. Therefore, youngsters get much infulence from their friends instead of from their family.这个例子不太合适，尽管不同国家的年青人在行为上相似，但能相互影响较大的毕竟是身边的同龄人，因此最好举例说明经常相处在一起的年青人如何相互影响。

Secondly, young adults most likely communicate with their friends and learn ken or experience from their friends.  这个论点与第一个论点没有太大区别，属于交集。Youngsters are keen to take part in varieties of groups, clubs or other activites. They interchange opinions or value about the world, people, life and so on, which would lead them to keep pace with their group and get fresh ideas and broad views. For instance, they develop their specific languages in e-world, which their parents totally can not understand.

Admittely, young adults get a lot of influence from their familes in the process of growing up. But the influence just includes some trifling issues, such as food favor. It can not compare with the influcence from friends in contents and degrees.

Based on the above reasons, we can safely get such conclusion that young adults get more important influence from their friends world wide today.

感觉这篇在论述的组织上不太好，俺觉得可以这样论述：1、年青人在一起学习、工作、玩乐的时间长，自然会相互产生较大影响，2、年青人之间在思维方式，价值观方面比较一致，容易形成共鸣，3、。。。

一句话，分论点之间要有层次，从不同角度论述，会使文章显得更有逻辑性。

lindazhou

谢谢。我对这篇文章没有思路，用了30多分钟才凑出来。观点选错了，难写。